Sheldon Hawkes quotes from CSI: NY

[holds up a bowl of live centipedes, a delicacy] Want one?

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

[really grossed out] Uh, no, I ate already.

[nods sympathetically] They're not for everyone

Danny Messer

I'm from the upper east side.

Hawkes

I can't believe you just ate that. (about the millipede)

Danny

Like swallowing a worm in a bottle of tequila.

Adam

What would make a man want to put on a superhero suit and risk it all?

Sheldon Hawkes

The naïve belief that one man could make a difference

Hawkes

Hey, guys! The stains on the money in Clark's drawer came back as Phenylene diamine, Naptha, Timemethylbenzene and a variety of coloured dyes.

Mac

Consistent with shoe polish.

Stella

You are good!

Mac

Me and Black-49 dye go way back. In the Marines, your shoes had to shine as brightly as your brass.

Mac Taylor

Welcome to the house of trinogamy.

Hawkes

Wow, I gotta admit this was not what I expected.

Mac

I'll bite. What were you expecting?

Hawkes

I dunno...lava lamps, weird tapestry, a robo-spanker, maybe a couple of big--

Mac

(cuts him off) All right, all right. I'm sorry I asked.

Dr. Sid Hammerback

[to Hawkes] You ever have a threesome? It's not as glorious as you might imagine. It's complicated in dealing with different personalities and hey, sometimes you're just not in the mood, if you know what I mean. It's hard enough explaining that to one woman, let alone two.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

[interrupting] Sid.

Dr. Sid Hammerback

[continuing] And then there's...

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

Sid.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

Anything else?

Dr. Sid Hammerback

Oh. Just some trace on Don Juan's right fingers. I'll send a sample to the lab.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

Okay.

Dr. Sid Hammerback

There were these two vivacious young ladies - course I was much younger than I am now...

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

Sid, I gotta go. I gotta go

Danny Messer

Hey, what happened? I don't see Benton breathing down your neck. He take the training wheels off?

You here to bust my balls or to work, Messer?

Sheldon Hawkes

Oooh, Angell got her wings, huh?

Hammerback

Did you know that, when Egyptian Princesses died, they were not embalmed for several days to prevent necrophilia. The natural degradation of the body made it unappealing even to the most deviant of men. Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first place...

Hawkes

Sid?

Hammerback

I mean it's counterintuitive...

Hawkes

Sid? Sid!

Hammerback

What?

Hawkes

You're going to that creepy place again.

Danny

(Hawkes is laughing at him because of the dog) What?

Sheldon Hawkes

You know what they say about dogs and their owners. The resemblance is uncanny. (laughs)

Danny

That's funny

Hawkes

You know, Messer, I imagined you with something a little meatier.

Danny

He's a loaner.

Hawkes

I'm sure he is.

Danny

I'll be in Reconstruction, you clown.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes

Autopsy results?

Detective Mac Taylor

This is a good one. A runner who somehow has frostbite on his face in 90 degree heat, who died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the middle of Central Park.

Mac Taylor

They build these balloons in sections and divide them into compartments.

Sheldon Hawkes

Yup, well, that would explain the limp arm.

Mac

The bullet's somewhere inside all that polyurethane. Thought you might wanna do the autopsy. For old times' sake.

Hawkes

(smiling) This job is never boring.

Sheldon Hawkes

It took three high-risk surgeries practicing my profession to realize that I didn't want to be the one who would stand over somone when they took their last breath. So, I took a job at the ME's office. Because I thought that if God did have a last say in death, I could at least do something about it if they were taken too soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Danny Messer

Hey, you're still a doctor, Sheldon.

Mac

(about his father) He spent the last eight months in bed on a feeding tube. Eventually, the medicine didn't do anything for the pain, so one day, he asked me...he begged me to end it for him. I couldn't do it.

Hawkes

You made the right choice.