Danny Messer quotes from CSI: NY

Danny

With all this cash lying around, you'd think a guy could afford new rounds.

Mac

With all the evidence we've collected, you'd think we could find Charles Langdon.

Danny Messer

You're such a girl.

Aiden Burn

[smacking him in the head] Shut up.

I didn't kill anyone. "Inhumanity" is authentic, 100 percent.

Danny

Well, it's 100 percent mine now. Sorry.

Stella Bonasera

All right, Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrapings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead.

Danny Messer

Hey, don't kill the messenger...see what I did there?

Stella Bonasera

Cute.

Stella

You know, if you wanted beauty tips, all you had to do was ask.

Danny Messer

Did you know that waterproof mascara dries out your eyelashes? That's amazing!

Danny Messer

Usually when you stab somebody, you know the guy's name. It's just common courtesy.

Well, I didn't stab anyone. [to Stella] What on earth is he talking about?

Det. Stella Bonasera

Your DNA was found on the knife that was used to stab Michael Starling.

I see. Was it a Swiss Army Knife?

Danny Messer

Nice job, you got it on the first try.

[to Stella] Is it necessary that he be here?

Danny Messer

What? What's the matter, am I too old for you?

Danny

So this is where it all goes down.

Aiden

Or up. Make sure you keep your gloves on.

Danny

You know, I didn't think it would be this clean.

Aiden

Come on. Act like you've never been to a place like this before.

Danny

You kidding me? I've got girlfriends for that. Why would I pay?

Aiden

All right, you. You're paying one way or another,..trust me.

Both the super and the downstairs neighbor say they haven't seen her in over a week.

Danny

Yeah, well that don't mean anything. I've lived in my apartment over three years now. My neighbors don't recognize me.

Better hope you don't go missing, pal.

Mac Taylor

It could happen to you, you know.

Danny Messer

What, marriage?

Mac

Love.

Danny

Don't even joke about that, Mac. It's not funny.

[about Hannah Bloom] Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'cold feet'.

Danny

If I said something like that, you'd call me insensitive.

No, I'd ask if you wanted to get a drink later. I'm attracted to a man with a dark sense of humor.

Mac

Do you two want to be alone? I'll just drag the body outside.

Danny

Maybe she was a hitchhiker.

Aiden

Who hitchhikes nude?

Ah, you must be the Andersons. You're late for class.

Danny

Yeah, traffic was murder.

Danny

You hungry?

Aiden

Yeah

Danny

Grab a bite to eat?

Danny

I'll drive. Put you on the hood?

Aiden

[she smacks his arm] Put you on the hood.

Danny

You take the bottom. I'll take the top.

Aiden

I like being on top.

Danny

What? You getting freaky with me because we got the bondage case?

Danny

Get that to Jane Parsons in DNA.

Aiden

Okay

Danny

[cracks whip] NOW!