Danny Messer quotes from CSI: NY

(during her interrogation, rhythmically slapping the table) Eat a salad. Eat a salad. That's the chant he started. It was two years ago but I can still feel the humiliation like it was yesterday. My boyfriend was at that game. He dumped me the very next day. And because my fat face was on the big screen, complete strangers would come up to me telling me to eat a salad.

Danny

So you chose to get back at Dugan Scott by killing him?

Crime of passion?

Lindsay

Crime of patience.

I worked my ass off. Literally. I swore I would do whatever it took, gastric bypass, liposuction, plastic surgery, tryout after tryout after tryout until I finally made the squad. Just so I could watch him eat his poison words in front of everyone.

Hell of a game, Mess.

Detective Danny Messer

Yeah. Glad you could make it.

Me too. You should piss Lindsay off more often.

[Danny and Flack are at the basketball game talking about the guy winning $1 million] Never gonna happen!

Detective Danny Messer

Why, you think you could do it?

You're kidding me? Boom, nothing but net, baby!

Detective Danny Messer

Oh, I think he can do it!

No, he can't!

Detective Danny Messer

Wanna make a little wager?

$50 bucks?

Detective Danny Messer

I hate to take a colleague's money but for you, I'll be happy to make the exception! Come on!

Detective Danny Messer

[finding the victims seats] I'm surprised he didn't kick the bucket from altitude sickness with these seats!

Detective Lindsay Monroe

That or the nachos.

[Danny and Flack are at the basketball game talking about the guy winning $1 million] Never gonna happen!

Danny

Why, you think you could do it?

You're kidding me? Boom, nothing but net, baby!

Danny

Oh.

[Drawing the name] Section 214, Row E, Seat 5.

That's me. [runs down to court.]

Hey, what's your name?

Dougan Scott.

You ready to take your shot for a million bucks, Dougan?

Oh yeah!

Alright New York fans, let's get ready to cheer on Dougan Scott for the $1 million shot.

Danny

Oh, I think he can do it!

No, he can't.

Danny

Wanna make a little wager?

50 bucks.

Danny

I hate to take a colleague's money but for you, I'll be happy to make the exception! Come on!

Lindsay

Some kind of preservation technique?

Mac

No, no. It's a process used to repair books after water damage.

Danny

Oh, that could be the link between our vics. The mold I pulled from Liza Carpenter's sandal came back as stachybotrys.

Mac

Black toxic mold.

Danny

Right. Thrives on stagnant water, and is mostly found in water-damaged buildings.

Mac

"The Tibetan Book of the Dead".

Danny

They say reading's fundamental.

Mac

This time it was fatal.

(about the pet leopard) Big house cat.

Terrence

You could say she puts this club on the map.

Not really into cats myself.

Terrence

Lemme guess, you're more K-9?

Danny

You're smarter than you look.

(sneezes as he and Danny enters a club) Either I'm allergic to half naked women, or there's a cat in here.

Detective Danny Messer

[pointing out a different scantily clad lady walking through the club with a leopard on a leash] There's a cat in here.

Terrence

(after finding his gun missing) I tried to help that fool and this is what he does.

Danny

No good deed goes unpunished.

Danny

(childishly) Where's your girlfriend, Trev?

What girlfriend?

Danny

The rubber one.

(feigning offense) Danny! Silicone.

Danny

Oh yeah, right. Silicone.

Danny

You sure the package that that watch came in was untied and on the ground when you found that body?

I swear on my sister's eyes.

Stella

Your sister's blind, Walford.

My other sister, Chantelle.

Danny

So the night's not a total bust. But I still have to deal with this (looks over at numerous broken bottles and glasses on the floor). Perp's DNA and fingerprints could be right in front of us.

Angell

It's moments like this that I love that I'm not a lab rat.

Danny

Pill-popping whack-job split with the murder weapon.

Angell

How do you know the person who has it pops pills?

Danny

How do you know he doesn't?

Angell

(holds up the bagged gun) Because he is a she and I am clean as a whistle. Who's got it on me? (hands the bag over)

Danny

Nobody.