Greg: How was it?
Warrick: Sucked. I hate lawyers. I hate court; they all need to dry up and die.
S5 E1Viva Las Vegas
Greg: So there's good news and bad news. Good news is, this is the busiest lab in the country. Bad news is, this is the busiest lab in the country.
Chandra: That's why I'm here.
Greg: I waited for you forever. I love you!
The only other thing I found, was a swollen ankle.
Well, ever try shaking your ass in four-inch heels? (Robbins looks at her) Don't answer that.
S5 E2Down the Drain
I don't have a death wish and I'm not a drunk. In case you were worried.
I'm not worried. I'm concerned.
Isn't that kind of the same thing?
Alright then, lets head upstream.
I knew you were going to say that.
Well, the kid gets murder, mom's an accessory, and dad gets felony explosives. It's a family-value pack.
If you're gonna be sick, Greg, do it in the sink.
Not in the drain pan.
I don't feel sick.
I don't have a death wish and I'm not a drunk. In case you were worried.
I'm not worried. I'm concerned.
Isn't that kind of the same thing?
What are you doing?
Good you're here. (throws a cup at him) Fill this up for me will ya?
With what?
It's a urine specimen cup, Greg. What do ya think?
(scoffs) Okay.
(A little later Greg comes back with the cup filled)
That took a long time. You may need a prostate exam.
My prostate is just fine. I'm not a soda fountain.
Well, hopefully you are, 'cause I need a number two as quickly as possible.
What is this all about?
The victims body was found in the sewer. Ambient temperature 80 degrees. The corrosive chemicals caused the body to decompose faster than normal. And I wanna find out how much faster. Today.
This is some kind of CSI hazing. Make me appreciate blood and semen more.
I heard you finally lost your virginity. (Greg gives her a look and Sara smiles) First autopsy, how was it?
It was fine. How was your first time? How'd you react?
I puked.
I didn't puke.
Way to go, tough guy.
Did I ever tell you the city paid me a dollar a square foot to rip out my lawn and replace it with rocks? Because we were in a drought.
Are you kiddin' me?
No.
This city was not made for rain.
(About the victim in the drain)
Well, at least we know where he came from. (shines his flashlight down the sewer)
Aren't we going to at least draw straws?
No.
DMr. Durbin
Sons of bitches! I'm gonna sue your ass into the ground. I hope you know that. Yeah. I'm gonna own you. I'm gonna own this whole place. In fact, maybe that's where I'll live. I'm just gonna move in here.
Let me guess, he lawyered up?
Yeah. He stopped talking right after I told him we blew up his house.
RDRick Dysart
(to Grissom after sweeping the garage for bombs) Only one thing you need to worry about: If you see me running, make sure you keep up.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.