It's Nanny, Master Duckular, with your hot cocoa and chocky biccies!
Oh, good! Come in, Nanny! [Nanny crashes through the wall] Nanny, why can't you come through the door like everyone else?!
Ooh, the door! Oh, I've forgotten all about it. Hang on! [exits through the hole]
And I haven't paid the electricity bill from the last time you brought me back to life.
Yes, sir, I-- [Nanny knocks on the door]
Ah! Got it right this time. Come in! [Nanny crashes through the door] Nanny, now look what you've done!
Oh, Duckyboos! You said to comes through the door!
I give up, I just give up.
(Duckula is strapped to a sacrificial altar and is faced by two Egyptian high priests)
HHoomite
You are in the secret temple of the great god Ra. You have trespassed in Upshi's sacred tomb.
Oh... Oh no. Who are you?
HHoomite
I am Hoomite, high priest of the great god Ra, and this is my assistant Yubie.
YYubie
Delighted, I'm sure.
HHoomite
Who might you be?
HHoomite
No, who might you be?
I know, I know, you said that already.
HHoomite
So, you will not tell me?
Well, I hardly need to, do I?
HHoomite
We shall see about that. Yubie, you try.
YYubie
Oh very well, Master. [turns to Duckula] Listen... I am Yubie, right?
No, wrong! I am, you ARE.
YYubie
Ah! There, Master. He is Yewar.
HHoomite
So you are Yewar?
HHoomite
Ah, you are Nott! He is not Yewar, he is Nott!
YYubie
Oh, call me Nott, Yewar! I am not Yewar, I am not Nott, I am Yubie.
[frustrated] Ahem... Look, let us get this sorted out, okay? I am NOT Nott, okay?.
But you are Hoomite, and you are Yubie, okay?
HHoomite
Who might you be? [Duckula breaks down into crazed sobbing]
[Igor enters the room carried by a wave of water, holding a tray with a goblet]
And what's good about it, Igor?
Oh, it's so ghoulishly gloomy, sir. Everything's so dismally dreary. Even the manacles in the dungeon are rusting nicely, me lord.
(notices the goblet) Ah, carrot juice! Ha-hey! Just the thing! (takes a gulp, but instantly groans in disgust) That's not carrot juice!
No, sir. It's a 1963 Yugoslavian Rh negative.
Oh, well that's all- AAH! (leaps about, frantically gulping down water from a bucket and quacking wildly)
(chuckles) Yes, it is a little heady, but a very good year.
DDDon Diego
Just because I'm tall and handsome and brave and good and kind and wonderful... I-I-I- have happen to chop up one or two of the villagers into tiny little bits now and again... they dislike me! Ha ha, ha ha... Well, except for the really fat ones. I'm saving them for tonight.
DDDon Diego
Tonight is a fiesta for all the vampires from all over Spain! There'll be music, and a finger buffet with the real fingers. (evilly) Then - then - we chop up a whole village, then there is bingo to follow!
Stop this! Stop this! Stop it, Don Diego! No! I cannot let you do this!
DDDon Diego
Oh, you don't like bingo? Ok, we play something else. You choose.
Well, I wouldn't mind playing... - no listen! I mean, you cannot chop up a whole village! It's not right! I will do anything to stop you.
DDDon Diego
Ahahaha!!! Then tonight, you will fight the horrible bull in all of Spain - El Loco!
OK, listen - if I fight El Loco, will you let the villagers go?
DDDon Diego
I will...I will let bits of them go.
Let ALL of them go, or no fight!
DDDon Diego
I can't even keep the noses?
DDDon Diego
OK. But remember - El Loco is the most nastiest thing on four legs. He'll ripped up your body, and there'll be bits of you you didn't even know you had. Aha!! Ahahaha!
Ha! I'm not afraid of you, Don Diego! OR El Loco! 'Til tonight then! (Don Diego flits off)
AAAAGH! AAGH! Nanny, Nanny, I'm gonna die!!
Hmmm this mirror's filthy. I must tell Igor the clean it! Look at me! Sunken eyes... and that flabby stomach - yuk! And, as for the face... Boy, I need a break!
EDEvil Duckula
Forgive me for pointing that obvious. But you do know that vampires have no reflections.
Of course we don't! Anyone knows that...
EDEvil Duckula
Mmmmm! What a beautiful throat you have! It blands so neatly into your neck! I want a neck just the right size for my teeth!
VGDr. Von Goosewing's Monster
Und I woke up wiz ziss terrible headache and...
EDEvil Duckula
Somebody, stop that neck! It's getting away!
Come my little one. Come to Papa!
DDimitri
(the clock bats emerge for a daily dose of humour) Hey, Svistoslav, that reminds me... What's the difference between a Yak and a Bison?
SSvistoslav
I don't know, Dimitri. Tell me, what is the difference between a Yak and a Bison?
DDimitri
You can't wash your hands and face in a Yak! (goes back into the clock laughing to himself)
SSvistoslav
(returning inside the clock) But you can't wash your hands and face in a Bison, either...
FDr. Fexactely
[in the vegetable era] Oh it's about 4008. If my memory serves me right, an artichoke has just been made President of the United States of America, and two turnips have just landed on Venus.
Coo, just think, a turnip on Venus. Well that's a small step for a vegetable, but a giant leap for an Irish stew.
I suppose we're lucky to have found this ship so quickly.
Mm, quite so, sir, but I-, I must say I don't like the look of the crew.
I don't like the smell of them either; I bet they've never heard of soap.
PCaptain Penguin
'Course I've heard of soap, I eats a bar a week whether I needs it or not, ha-harr!
Here, Igor, I don't know how you could just lose a castle.
Me, sir? I hardly think I'm to blame. You were the one -
All right, all right, I must have said it wrong. But you must have left off the safety hatch.
Me, sir? Oh no, sir, I was doing something dastardly with sulphur in the cellar. It was probably Nanny at the -
Oh, yes, it's very easy to blame poor Nanny.
Actually, sir it is very easy to blame Nanny.
Well, let's do that, then.
CDCount Duckula, Igor
Nanny!
[breaks out from under the deck] Ooh, I'll be glad to get back to our nice kitchen at home. How can you make a cup of tea in a silly little kitchen like that?
Well, Nanny, if you hadn't lost the castle -
