Herrmann quotes from Chicago Fire

You're our guy for construction on the new bar right?

I believe the offer was "free consultation".

Mouch

There's a Japanese proverb, don't let your daughter-in-law each your autumn eggplants.

What the hell does that mean?

Mouch

Don't let yourself be taken advantage of.

What do you think is inside?

Nothing good. My luck don't run that way.

Otis

[excitedly] Let's open it and find out. Worst case scenario it's empty.

What if it contains a decomposed head of some gangster that went missing in the 20's? Next thing you know, this bar gets wrapped in crime scene tape and we can't get back in here!

Otis

If there's a mobster's head in there, my "Mustache Pete's" is gonna be famous.

We're not calling it Mustache Pete's.

Otis

Yes we are.

So, what exactly is our role in bomb squad assist?

Nothing. Not unless the bomb tech snips a wrong wire.

Mouch

Shoulda never opened the safe.

Shut it, Mouch.

Dawson, don't. It is a gateway to hell, I'm telling you. Besides, it's not even rightfully ours.

Mouch

Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

Shut it, Mouch.

Otis

[outside Herrmann's toilet stall] Herrmannnnn. [knocks] Herrmannnnn.

Are you kidding me?! Right now?

Guys, guys, I have an announcement to make. Please, I need everybody's attention. Today, I came across something so upsetting that it literally shook me to the core. I was in the laundry room. I was pulling my stuff from the washer to the dryer, and I discovered these left inside. [holds up a pair of red underwear]

Don't look at me. I've been a Fruit of the Loom man since 1975.

Mouch

Twenty bucks to whoever finds the owner.

[takes the underwear from Cruz] Hey, first, they ain't mine. Second, these don't come down until the owner steps forward. I can't unsee this. Someone has to pay.

Otis

He who smelt it hath dealt it.

[looks pointedly at Otis] You're nuts. Those look like something that a Russian would wear on his wedding night.

Otis

They're not mine. But, I will put my money on Capp.

Mouch

[sarcastically] Keep deflecting, Otis. It's a good strategy.

Mouch

Gotta go White Sox.

No. I don't want to alienate half the neighborhood who are Cubs fans. We gotta go with teams that we can all agree on: the Bears, the Bulls and the Blackhawks.

Mouch

And the Fire.

The who?

Mouch

Soccer team. Chicago Fire.

You got a video camera I can use?

Otis

Herrmann, you got a hi-def camera on your phone. Why don't you just take some footage, I'll edit it for you.

Aww. Thank you, Otis.

"Ladies' night specials". You're kidding me.

Otis

[looks at Herrmann] See, I told you she'd be pissed. You know why? 'Cause it's sexist.

Yeah, sexist against men.

It just feels...a little desperate.

I'm telling you, we're gonna get crushed.

Otis

Your optimism is always inspiring.

[seething at his computer] This "Wizard" program is the most...convoluted––

Mouch

Yeah, we should record this. Use it to show how ineffective McLeod's systems are. This crazy budget type who has nothing to do with saving lives.

[grins at Mouch] Now you're talkin' like a union president!

[looks at Herrmann] You will not record this.

You wanna go to Defcon 5, game day? I can go to Defcon 5.

Otis

Defcon 5 is actually the lowest level.

Shut up, Otis.

Go home, Herrmann, you've been on your feet all day. I'll finish cleaning up.

Thanks Dawson. Maybe I'll go pour myself a nice big tall glass of antifreeze.