Mouch quotes from Chicago Fire

Mouch

There's a reason why skydivers pack two parachutes.

Mouch

[addressing the CFD Union administration] It's time we rise, ladies and gentlemen, like a phoenix! We're getting run over! And we should be the ones doing the running!

Mouch

Thought I'd make a plate for Trudy. Her appetite for all things is insatiable.

Otis

Hey, lieutenant, why do we have a goat on our truck?

Years ago, truck 81's first fire was at a goat farm in Little Italy.

Otis

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Mouch

They used to have a goat at the station so they didn't have to mow the grass.

Otis

Huh. I thought that's what candidates are for.

Okay, um...how about a t-shirt booth in the driveway?

We already sell t-shirts.

Yeah, but I mean, no one can ever find the key to the cabinet, Herrmann never has change in the treasury box. It's a pain in the ass, so we put the shirts out front and display 'em properly.

Mouch

I don't know how that's gonna generate enough money––

And, we get Nicki to man the booth.

Ding. Done.

That is called putting it over the goal line, Peter Mills. [fist-bumps Mills]

Why don't you put her in a bikini while you're at it?

Otis

Before I respond, are you joking, or are you serious?

About as serious as putting you in a bikini.

Mouch

Look at these chumps.

Are you kidding, man? Parade detail is great.

Mouch

[to Mills who is behind him] Peter Mills, hold your arm up. Now keep it there for five hours. [to Cruz] That's what being the parade is.

Mills, the Shriners, they throw out candy. You clean up man.

Why the hell are you studying Japanese?

Mouch

I..went online...once you turn fifty, your brain starts to atrophy unless you keep it in shape.

I think that train's already left the station, Mouch.

Say something in Japanese.

Mouch

I just started.

Otis

I bet twenty bucks that in two weeks you won't be able to string along a sentence.

Mouch

Easiest money I ever made!

So what's the deal with the Lieutenant and the guy from IAD.

Bad history. They went through the academy together and there was an incident...

What kind of incident?

Mouch

The kind that ends with Griffin getting his face punched in.

Why did the Lieutenant hit him?

Mouch

He was talking trash about Casey's family. [Herrmann looks at him in surprise] Um, but...see, we don't talk about that.

Mouch

How's the noodle?

Hard as ever.

Mouch

That's what-

That what he said.

[sees Casey standing on the truck fixing the garage door] What's up?

Otis

The door's jammed.

I told Chief we needed to grease this puppy before the weather turned.

Otis

He ignored you?

No! He told me to do it but I forgot. I've been preoccupied.

Mouch

Weren't you and Cindy using protection?

We've got four kids Mouch. I was counting on my sperm being too tired to make the swim. [Casey looks down at him in amusement]

[awkwardly] Well, I'm gonna head inside and check the levels on the hot chocolate. [leaves]

Yeah, I'm gonna provide back-up. [leaves with Shay]

Otis

[to Mills] You know, my grandmother had this garage door that was always stuck two feet off the ground so one time I tell my brother...

[notices them raising their hands] What?

We've got a rule. You tell a story we've all heard a million times, we raise our hand, you gotta shut up, no questions asked.

Otis

That's actually impolite and insulting.

[scoffs] Like that's on us.

It's weird without Otis here. Who am I supposed to jag?

Don't look at me.

And Severide's gone too. I mean, he's as cocky as they come, but if you were lying in the street, he'd give you the shirt off his back.

Mouch

If you're lying in the street, why do you need his shirt?

You know what I mean.

[sees Mouch "stealing" marshmallows] How many times I gotta tell you to stay out of the first watch crate, Mouch?

Mouch

They tempt me with these marshmallows, lieutenant. What am I supposed to do?

Give me one.

Mouch

Lieutenant, I gotta talk to you about Cruz.

What about him?

Mouch

He's been acting a little off.

You notice that as well? I figured it was a private matter.

Mouch

Yeah, and I keep asking him to tell me what it is, but he won't open up.

Then stop asking him about it, Mouch.

Mouch

There's a Japanese proverb, don't let your daughter-in-law each your autumn eggplants.

What the hell does that mean?

Mouch

Don't let yourself be taken advantage of.

Mouch

Shoulda never opened the safe.

Shut it, Mouch.