A character in Chicago Fire
Herrmann
Chicago Fire · 302 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Chicago Fire: in 76 of its 302 quotes
Most scenes with: Otis (22), Mouch (20), Casey (14)
[Herrmann is sitting with Vargas, Mouch, Cruz and Otis when he catches his son Lee Henry misbehaving.]
Lee Henry! I'm not gonna tell you again! Put the stick down before I beat you with it!
Whoa, whoa! Take it easy.
You gotta be fair, but firm.
Two hours left in the shift and no calls yet. That happen very often?
[Herrmann and Mouch look up at him]
[to Mouch] He did not just say that.
Accident, truck 81, squad 3.
[In the truck]
Hey Mills. Pitcher's got a no-hitter going in the eighth inning. Do you go up to him and say, "looks like you got a no-hitter going"?
No, but––
Don't do it at the damn firehouse either.
Yeah I got it. [Otis turns and glares at him]
Oh! Good afternoon, candidate.
Sorry.
First he blows a no-hitter. Now he's coming in five minutes late. So much for employee of the week.
[...]
You know, you were the candidate up until two weeks ago. Why are you riding him so hard?
The abused abuse, Cruz.
What we got in the treasury box?
Dick. We spent it all on the elliptical machine so Shay could keep her ass toned.
Oh, Herrmann, please. Everyone benefits from me having a toned ass.
Mills, you're in charge of a fundraiser for a new TV.
[hopefully] Instead of cooking?
In conjunction with cooking.
I believe it's called multitasking.
Okay, um...how about a t-shirt booth in the driveway?
We already sell t-shirts.
Yeah, but I mean, no one can ever find the key to the cabinet, Herrmann never has change in the treasury box. It's a pain in the ass, so we put the shirts out front and display 'em properly.
I don't know how that's gonna generate enough money––
And, we get Nicki to man the booth.
Ding. Done.
That is called putting it over the goal line, Peter Mills. [fist-bumps Mills]
Why don't you put her in a bikini while you're at it?
Before I respond, are you joking, or are you serious?
About as serious as putting you in a bikini.
[about the graffiti artist Severide is rescuing] This clown is in a museum?!
What a country, right?
Now listen, I know you guys are gonna give me crap for this...
Go on.
I want to start a podcast.
What the hell is that?
Well, when I record myself being equal parts charming and brilliant, and then I put it up on iTunes, and people subscribe, and they follow me.
A mute would be better at that than you.
This is the best-lookin' bird that we've had in years. [looks at his crew] Okay, what are we gonna name it?
Aw, jeesh.
Name it?
Yeah. Always name the bird before you eat it. Usually after an old girlfriend or boyfriend or something.
Turkey fire, guaranteed.
Uh, what happened?
Uncle Brad is what happened.
I know how to deep-fry a goddam turkey, Sharon. You put in too much grease.
You can't fry a beer can turkey!
So what's the deal with the Lieutenant and the guy from IAD.
Bad history. They went through the academy together and there was an incident...
What kind of incident?
The kind that ends with Griffin getting his face punched in.
Why did the Lieutenant hit him?
He was talking trash about Casey's family. [Herrmann looks at him in surprise] Um, but...see, we don't talk about that.
Chief, are you just gonna let these pretend-cops violate our civil rights?
Yeah, don't they need to show us a warrant or something?
[After internal affairs leaves the men's locker room]
So what'd you do?
Nothing. I just told her we recorded the whole thing on our thermal cameras.
Wait, thermal cameras don't record. [Casey and Herrmann glare at him] [realizes] Oh! That's good.
[sees Casey standing on the truck fixing the garage door] What's up?
The door's jammed.
I told Chief we needed to grease this puppy before the weather turned.
He ignored you?
No! He told me to do it but I forgot. I've been preoccupied.
Weren't you and Cindy using protection?
We've got four kids Mouch. I was counting on my sperm being too tired to make the swim. [Casey looks down at him in amusement]
[awkwardly] Well, I'm gonna head inside and check the levels on the hot chocolate. [leaves]
Yeah, I'm gonna provide back-up. [leaves with Shay]
[to Mills] You know, my grandmother had this garage door that was always stuck two feet off the ground so one time I tell my brother...
[Mouch, Casey and Herrmann raise their hands]
[notices them raising their hands] What?
We've got a rule. You tell a story we've all heard a million times, we raise our hand, you gotta shut up, no questions asked.
That's actually impolite and insulting.
[scoffs] Like that's on us.
It's weird without Otis here. Who am I supposed to jag?
Don't look at me.
And Severide's gone too. I mean, he's as cocky as they come, but if you were lying in the street, he'd give you the shirt off his back.
If you're lying in the street, why do you need his shirt?
You know what I mean.
Shay, this is that baby book I was telling you about. Lots of good stuff. Swaddling, soothing...
Thanks, Herrmann. Hey do you know if it says anything about sleep schedules?
[sheepishly] I didn't read it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Chicago Fire pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
