“Escape from Camp Campbell” quotes from Camp Camp

David

Can you believe it, Max? We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers today!

Max

Yup. It's really, truly horrifying.

David

Horrifying? What, are you afraid of making a few new friends?

Max

I'm not here to make friends, David. I'm here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don't want to deal with them. Why do you think we return the favour when they hit seventy?

David

Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?

Max

Well, it's definitely not because the bus only comes in from the city to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp... Definitely not that.

David

Heeeeyy... language.

Max

Suck a di-

David

All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper. Is that really too much to ask?

Max

I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.

Gwen

Oh, God, it's coming back: The crippling anxiety and regret. [curled up on the ground] Why did I get a liberal arts degree?!

David

Well kids, I hope we all learned something today.

Max

Oh, no. I hope YOU learned, David. I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with. But now you've got three. Let's go, guys. I'll take you to our tent.

Nikki

Woohoo! This is gonna be awesome!

Gwen

This is gonna be awful.

David

Oh, come on Gwen! Look at the bright side! Max made not one, not three, but two new friends today!