David and Max in “Escape from Camp Campbell”

Can you believe it, Max? We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers today!

Yup. It's really, truly horrifying.

Horrifying? What, are you afraid of making a few new friends?

I'm not here to make friends, David. I'm here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don't want to deal with them. Why do you think we return the favour when they hit seventy?

Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?

Well, it's definitely not because the bus only comes in from the city to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp... Definitely not that.

Heeeeyy... language.

Suck a di-

All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper. Is that really too much to ask?

I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.