TV show quotes
Paris sounds fun! Or, we could just go someplace we can actually afford.
Oh, we can afford it. Don't forget I robbed a bank. Sitting on $26 million, baby!
[Stops while walking by] Excuse me?
He's kidding!
Yeah, I'm innocent. Not guilty. I'll see you when we get in there. [Marinovich gives him a strange look and leaves.] Nice talking to you, Judge...
Diaz, I've been calling you. Why won't you answer your phone?
Don't have it. Charged it and stuck it on a truck headed west.
What's with the suitcase?
Going to Malaysia.
You're going to Malaysia?
No, the suitcase is going to Malaysia. I'm getting on a bus to Florida.
What's in Florida?
Airport. I'm flying to Argentina.
This is very complicated.
Thank you. Adrian has a ranch in the Andes where he goes when he's on the run. He's already there, getting rid of the scorpions. Or... adding more scorpions. I don't know, the reception was real bad.
Diaz, I know you're scared. But things are starting to turn around. We're on the money trail, and we just found a new lead.
With all due respect, sir, we both know that none of that is gonna pan out. And you said yourself that I should take action. So I am. In Argentina, surrounded by scorpions. Or not surrounded by scorpions. I'll find out when I get there.
Look, I know you're innocent, but fleeing the country is a crime. I could arrest you right here!
Do it, then. [Holt stares at her but does nothing] I didn't think so. [Tosses Holt an apartment key] The mortgage is paid off. You can give the place to whoever you want. I don't care. Actually, I do care. Don't give it to Hitchcock.
Jake! Jake! This was a mistake; we have to get Langdon off the stand now!
What? Why?
[Questioning Matthew Langdon, who is on the witness stand] And how would you describe the Lieutenant?
He works for Hawkins! He put the money in the accounts!
Oh, no.
Melanie Hawkins was the most honorable cop I ever worked with. And the only reason that I am here is because of that man- Jake Peralta. He offered me $300,000 to lie and say that she set 'em up.
[To Diaz] Okay, this is bad. This is really bad. But just remember: we are not going to jail. We didn't do it. We're innocent.
[Cut to the Jury Foreman delivering the jury's verdict]
Guilty on all charges.
At least you still have people who want to see you. My family hasn't been here to see me since the trial. You eat nine people, and all of a sudden they "don't know who you are anymore".
Wait... What? Did you say "eat people"? Are you a cannibal, Caleb?
Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I'm a woodworker.
So how's prison?
Nobody likes cops in here so I had to earn their respect by starting a bunch of riots, I got thrown in solitary for a week, what's going on with your face?
I hate seeing you like this so I'm flexing my eyes real hard to keep from crying. It's okay, we can still have a normal conversation. So, how's the food?
Pay no attention to him, Rosa. He's very emotional, Rosa.
Why are you saying my first name?
Well, Rosa... I read an article on the medical journal that said one destabilizing aspect of incarceration is the constant dehumanization, Rosa. You need to be reminded that you're more than just a number, Rosa. You are Rosa... Rosa.
Yeah, that fixes prison.
Is there anything we can do to help you? Anything you need done on the outside?
No, I'm good.
It's not a problem...
...Rosa.
We're here for you...
...Rosa.
Whatever you need...
...Rosa.
Jake, I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you. You've lost the ability to surprise me. Ya just plain boring.
Again, weird take on a very loving relationship.
And it's midnight, so I guess I'm an amazing human/genius.
Yeah. Although you might wanna read the inscription on that there belt.
Why? Oh, no, what does it say? [reads inscription] "Amy Santiago, will you marry me?"
[Amy turns around to see Jake on one knee holding out an engagement ring]
Surprise.
I'm so confused. I don't know what's happening right now.
"I'm so confused I don't know what's happening right now": title of your sex tape.
"Oh, my God, I'm shaking. I'm definitely gonna cry. [grins] Title of your sex tape. [beat] Wait, is this really happening? Is this part of the heist? If this is part of the heist, I will dump you so hard.
No, please, Ames, look, it's really happening, okay? It's not part of the heist. I promise, this is real.
It is?
Yeah. Okay, here it goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are. I love your face, and I love your butt. I should've written this down first.
No, no, it's okay. Go on.
I love how much you pretend to like Die Hard.
I like the second one.
You don't have to. You're kind, and you're funny, and you're the best person I know, and the best detective. [pause] Also, for reals, I love your butt.
I love yours too.
Gross. [chuckles] Amy Santiago, will you marry me?
Jake Peralta, I will marry you.
[They kiss]
I love you so much.
[busting into the evidence room] Hey, jerkos, this little Tramp escaped, so that ought to teach... [notices Jake's ring box] D-did you just...? [Jake nods] And did you say...? [Amy nods whilst showing her ring]
[Charles hyperventilates and faints]
Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.
[Holt is briefing the Nine-Nine on what mobster Seamus Murphy is demanding as a favour from him]
A permit to throw a block party? We don't even have to break the law! This is fantastic news!
I am not giving Seamus Murphy that permit. He only wants to use the block party as a cover for something criminal. A robbery, a murder or something worse.
You don't know that for sure. And that's your loophole.
I don't believe in loopholes.
What? Loopholes are the best. Remember that time when Pancake Palace had that all-you-can-eat deal, but they didn't set a time limit? I ate pancakes for a week for $3.99, all I had to do was sleep there and never shower.
[Amy looks visibly disgusted]
[outraged] What!? Thanks for the invite, friend!
This is one of several designated areas where you can stand upright during the day. You can move about freely in this square.
Wow... so we have all this room to work in?
Your hand can be seen from the living room window. You just killed Kevin.
Raymond...
I can't hear you Kevin, you're dead. [to Jake] He bled out in your lap. How will you break the news to me? Let's see.
We don't have to do this...
Ah, detective Peralta, how are things going with Kevin, the love of my life? Wait, why are you here at this late hour? And whose blood is that?
Okay, I get it...
It's Kevin's? This is devastating, I'm inconsolable. And... [snaps fingers] I've killed myself.
Cool. Well, I can see this is going to be a fun couple of months.
(Repeated Line) Boom Boom!
[Jake and a witness are viewing a line-up]
So, do you recognize any of these men?
I was hiding in the bathroom stall, so I didn't see his face. But I heard him. He was singing along to the music at the bar.
Do you remember what he was singing?
I think it was that song, "I Want It That Way".
Backstreet Boys. I'm familiar. Okay. [presses intercom] Number one, could you please sing the opening to "I Want It That Way"?
Really? Okay. [singing] You are my fire...
Number two, keep it going.
The one desire...
Number three.
Believe when I say...
Number four.
I want it that way.
[singing] Tell me why!
Ain't nothing but a heartache...
Tell me why!
Ain't nothing but a mistake...
[still singing] Now number five...
I never want to hear you say...
I want it that way.
Ah, chills! Literal chills!
It was number five. Number five killed my brother.
Oh my God, I forgot about that part.
The only thing I'm not good at is modesty, because I'm great at it.
I love you, Amy.
Ew, what?!
What?!
Ha! Just kidding.
Ooh.. cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Gina, what the hell?
New phone, who dis?
You can't do that in person. It's Charles! Boyle, your co-worker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Brooklyn Nine-Nine pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
