[A norteño band has written a song about "Heisenberg"]
The city's called Duke,
The state's called New Mexico.
Among the gangsters,
The gringo's fame is inflated
'Cause of the new drug they created.
They say the color is blue
And the quality pure.
The potent drug's runnin'
Through the city,
And no one could stop it
If they wanted to.
The cartel's runnin' hot because
They weren't getting respect.
Talkin' 'bout some "Heisenberg"
Who owns the market now.
No one knows the man since
They've never seen his face.
The cartel's 'bout respect
And they ain't forgiving.
But that homie's dead,
He just doesn't know it yet.
Heisenberg's fame has got
Down to Michoacan.
From way far away
They want to taste that meth.
That blue stuff crossed the border,
Now New Mexico's livin' up to its name.
Looks just like Mexico
In all the drugs it's hiding.
Except there's a gringo boss
And he's known as "Heisenberg".
The cartel's runnin' hot because
They weren't getting respect,
Talkin' 'bout some "Heisenberg"
Who owns the market now.
No one knows the man since
They've never seen his face.
The fury of the cartel
Ain't no one escaped it yet.
But that homie's dead,
He just doesn't know it yet.
What are you talking about?
Apparently, it's all over town. Somebody crossed you, you got angry you crushed their skull with an ATM machine.
That's not how it happened.
Who cares as long as it's our competitors who believe it and not the police? Oh, my... No, don't you see how great this is? Look, you–You are a—Jesse, look at me, you are a blow fish.
A blow fish, think about it. Small in stature, not swift, not cunning, easy prey for predators. But the blow fish has a secret weapon, doesn't he? Doesn't he? What does the blow fish do, Jesse? What does the blow fish do?
I don't even know what...
The blow fish puffs up, okay? The blow fish puffs himself up four, five times larger than normal, but why? Why does he do that? Because it makes him intimidating, that's why. Intimidating so that the other scarier fish are scared off and that's you. You are a blow fish. Don't you see? It's just all–all an illusion. It's nothing but air. Now, who messes with the blow fish, Jesse?
[The DEA finds Tortuga's severed head on a turtle with the words "Hola DEA" written on it. Hank staggers back to the truck, feeling sick]
VVanco
Schrader, where you going?
E... Evidence bag... Bag...
[The other DEA agents laugh]
VVanco
What's the matter, Schrader? You act like you've never seen a severed human head on a tortoise before!
[Four DEA agents gather around the turtle]
[A hidden bomb inside the turtle explodes, blowing away three agents and blowing off Vanco's leg]
The game has changed, yo. This is our city, alright? All of it. The whole damn place. Our territory. We're staking our claim. Yo, we sell when we want, where we want. We're gonna be kings, understand? Well, I'm gonna be king and you guys will be, like, princes or dukes or something.
But first things first: We gotta get more dealers, y'know, foot soldiers, alright? Now they'll be working for you, you're working for me, and I'm working for you. You follow me? Layered, like nachos. Exponential growth. That's success, with a capital S.
Straight up, straight up.
[Everybody puts their hands in. Jesse leaves, heads outside and gets into Walter's car]
Well, we're set. Boys are ready. Gonna make some mad cheddar, yo. [pause; Walter looks at Jesse] Cheddar, Mr. White. Fat stacks. Dead Presidents. Cash money. We're gonna own this city.
We're not charging enough.
Corner the market, then raise the price. Simple economics.
[Hank is holed up in bed due to the trauma from the Tortuga bomb incident]
I have spent my whole life frightened of things that could happen, might happen, might not happen. Fifty years I spent like that. Finding myself awake at three in the morning. But you know what? Ever since my diagnosis, I sleep just fine.
And I came to realize: It's that fear, that's the worst of it. That's the real enemy. So... get up, get out in the real world, and you kick that bastard as hard as you can right in the teeth.
[Badger is sitting in an interrogation room with Getz, the plainclothes officer who arrested him]
You told me to my face you weren't a cop, man. I feel manipulated. I thought we were gonna hang out.
GGetz
We are hanging out, Badger. You like Badger or Brandon?
I like people who don't, like, abuse the Constitution.
GGetz
Badger, listen. I'm trying to help you here, man. If you just tell me who your supplier is, I think this can end very well for you.
[Saul suddenly enters the interrogation room]
[buzzer sound] What're you doin', detective? What're you doing, talking to my client without me present? You sneaky Pete! [looks at Getz] Heh, which is which? What, did the–did the academy hire you right out of the womb? You guys get younger every... [to Badger] What'd you say to Baby Face, huh? Did you say anything stupid? By anything stupid, I mean anything at all.
Oh, look at you. Mouth open, vocal chords a-twitter... We'll talk about it later. [to Getz] Right now, you. Out. Ten minutes ago. Go on. There are laws, detective. Have your kindergarten teacher read them to you, alright? Go grab a juice box, have a nap, go on. [Getz leaves] Alright, who do we have?
[looking through his files] Brandon Mayhew... Alright, Brandon Mayhew... Ah, here we go. Public masturbation.
I don't get it. What's the kick? Why don't you do it at home like the rest of us, with a big flatscreen TV, fifty channels of pay-per-view? [looks back at the file] In a Starbucks! That's nice, heh-heh.
That ain't me, man! I'm–I was the guy who was selling meth... allegedly.
[looks through his files again] Okay, alright, I gotcha. Meth. Right. Sorry, that was a little transpositional error. Nothing that a little Wite-Out can't take care of. Yeah, and uh... felony quantity.
Yeah, just barely. The cops around here are like butchers—always got their thumbs on the scales, y'know—but good luck arguing that in court. Let me get down to brass tacks: I'm gonna get you a second phone call, okay? You're gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your Boy Scout leader and they're gonna deliver me a check for $4,650. I'm gonna write that down on the back of my business card. [writes the amount down] Four-six-five-zero. Okay? And I need that in a cashier's check or a money order, doesn't matter—Actually, I want it in a money order... and make it out to Ice Station Zebra Associates. That's my loan-out. It's totally legit. It's done just for tax purposes. And after that, we can discuss Visa or MasterCard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask. Alright? Any questions?
Uh... you're gonna get me off, right?
What do I look like, your high school girlfriend? Five fingers, no waiting? [pause; Badger stares at him] That's a joke, Brandon! Lighten up! [in low voice] Son, I promise you this: I will give you the best criminal defense that money can buy.
[Walt and Jesse pull up outside Saul's strip mall office]
Sooner or later, this was gonna happen. If you want your "exponential growth", guys are gonna get busted. Simple as that.
So, how about we get him a real attorney? I mean, what the hell is this? This is who he hires?
What? You kidding me? This is the guy you want. This is the guy I'd hire.
[sarcastically] Ooh, this is the guy you'd hire.
Look, you remember Emilio? 'Kay, this dude got Emilio off, like, twice. 'Kay, both times they had him dead to rights, yo, and then "poof." Dude's like Houdini. Seriously, when the going gets tough, you don't want a criminal lawyer, alright? You want a criminal lawyer. You know what I'm saying?
[Saul finds Walter after school in the classroom]
Oh, my God! You really are a chemistry teacher! Heh-heh. Uh, you mind? [closes the door] I was terrible at chemistry. I'm more of a humanities guy.
We should talk about that. It should be much, much harder for people to track you down. My P.I. charged me for three hours, so I seriously doubt it took him more than one.
So this is what? Blackmail?
Walter, I'm your lawyer. Anything you say to me is totally privileged. I'm not in the shakedown racket. I'm a lawyer. Even drug dealers need lawyers, right? Especially drug dealers.
So what? You're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?
C'mon. Have you seen my hourly rate? Heh-heh. Oh, by the way, where do you keep the money? Is it in your mattress? Is it in a jelly jar buried in the side yard, huh? You know, this kid Mayhew may be the first of your guys to get picked up, but he won't be the last. And if I can find you, how far behind can the cops be?
I don't understand. What exactly are you offering to do for me?
What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?
[stares at Saul perplexed while shaking his head] I'm no... Vito Corleone.
No shit! Right now, you're Fredo! But, y'know, with some sound advice and proper introductions, who knows? I'll tell you one thing: You've got the right product. Anything that gets the DEA's panties in this big a bunch, you're onto something special. And I would like to be a small and silent part of it. Food for thought, yeah? [starts to head for the door, but stops and turns around] So if you want to make more money and, uh, keep the money that you make... [taps his foot and holds his arms out with flair, pointing to Walter] Better Call Saul!
[to Jesse on the payphone] Clear your social calendar. We have to cook.
No, you'll need today at least to gather supplies. Now, we're going to need all new glassware, heating mantles, about a hundred pounds of ice. Y-you have a paper and pencil? You should be writing this down.
Yo, you wanna go shopping, go do it yourself, alright? I got plans.
Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute plans in my book.
Well, screw you and your book, man, alright? I'm going to a museum in Santa Fe, not like you need to know.
You're going to a museum, huh?
She's a painter, duh. She does these vagina pictures. Or paintings, or just painted. I don't know.
[After cooking a batch of meth and agreeing to stop at a hotel for the night, Jesse and Walter realize the RV's ignition has stopped working]
[after turning the keys several times] Battery’s dead.
Jesse, back when I asked you to put the keys in a safe place, where did you put them?
I left them right here. In the, um… in the ignition.
Whoa, whoa. No, this is not my fault, alright? The buzzer didn’t buzz.
The buzzer! The buzzer that buzzes when you put the keys in to, like, let you know that the battery’s on. I know that! It didn’t buzz. Look, I didn’t turn the key or anything, alright? I’m not stupid! Did you hear the buzzer buzz? I did not... It’s faulty, it’s a faulty mechanism.
Is this just a genetic thing with you? Is it congenital? Did you—Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?!
The buzzer did not buzz! And you were the one that made me move the keys in the first place, remember?!
Yes, I see your point. Your imbecility being what it is, I should have known to say, "Jesse, don’t leave the keys in the ignition the entire two days!"
I wanted to leave them on the counter, bitch! Oh, I’m sorry, the "work station!" Jesus!
[Walter and Jesse are stranded without water in their RV in the middle of the desert]
I have it coming. I deserve this.
Snap out of it. All right, first off, everything you did, you did for your family. Right?
All I ever managed to do was worry and disappoint them. And lie. Oh God, the lies...I can't even...can't even keep them straight in my head anymore...
You know what? Screw this. I'm walking. You can come or not. Where's my other shoe?
Jesse. Jesse... Your body is running dangerously low on electrolytes. Sodium, potassium, calcium...and when they're gone, your brain ceases to communicate with the muscles. Your lungs stop breathing. Your heart stops pumping. You go marching out there, and within an hour, you will be dead.
You need to cut out all your loser crybaby crap right now and think of something scientific!
[laughs weakly] Something... Something scientific, right...
Like, come on! Man, you're smart! All right, you made poison out of beans, yo! Look, we've got an entire lab right here. How about you take some of these chemicals and mix up some... some rocket fuel, that way we could just send up a signal flare. Or you make some kind of robot to get us help... or a homing device... or building a battery... [Walt's eyes snap open] Or what if we just take some stuff off of the RV and build it into something completely different? You know, like a... like a dune buggy! And that way we could just dune buggy our... [Walt sits up] What? Hey... what is it? What?
Do you... do you have any money? Change, I mean, coins?
Yeah, yeah, I got a bunch of 'em!
Gather them. And–and–and washers, and nuts and bolts and screws, and whatever little pieces of metal we can think of that is galvanized–it has to be galvanized–or–or solid zinc.
[heads outside] Solid zinc.
And–and–and bring me... brake pads! The front wheels should have discs. Take them off and bring them to me.
[kicks a toolbox toward Jesse] Brake pads!
The upshot is that I have radiation pneumonitis.
Actually, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's a fairly common occurrence. Easily treated. In fact, the news is all good.
You mean, good? You mean, like, good good? You mean, like, remission good?
Remission. Not to imply I'm cured. I still have cancer, but there's been a significant reduction in the tumors.
I'm not out of the woods yet, not by any stretch... but "options" is the word they keep bandying about.
That's awesome! Serious? That's–That's... That's great, man! My aunt, she never... I mean, y'know, at your stage I didn't even think that could happen.
Mr. White, you kicked its ass, yo! [Walter motions for Jesse to quiet down] No! You must be so psyched!
Okay, now we... I mean, what do we... Oh! Hey, I almost forgot. [hands Walter a paper bag filled with money] So, how do you want to... y'know... proceed in light of this kickass news?
We'll take our time and stay cautious. Sell off what we have and then...well, then I guess I'm done.
