Badger, Getz and others in “Better Call Saul”

Badger

You told me to my face you weren't a cop, man. I feel manipulated. I thought we were gonna hang out.

We are hanging out, Badger. You like Badger or Brandon?

Badger

I like people who don't, like, abuse the Constitution.

Badger, listen. I'm trying to help you here, man. If you just tell me who your supplier is, I think this can end very well for you.

Saul

[buzzer sound] What're you doin', detective? What're you doing, talking to my client without me present? You sneaky Pete! [looks at Getz] Heh, which is which? What, did the–did the academy hire you right out of the womb? You guys get younger every... [to Badger] What'd you say to Baby Face, huh? Did you say anything stupid? By anything stupid, I mean anything at all.

Badger

I–

Saul

Oh, look at you. Mouth open, vocal chords a-twitter... We'll talk about it later. [to Getz] Right now, you. Out. Ten minutes ago. Go on. There are laws, detective. Have your kindergarten teacher read them to you, alright? Go grab a juice box, have a nap, go on. [Getz leaves] Alright, who do we have?

Badger

Brandon Mayhew.

Saul

[looking through his files] Brandon Mayhew... Alright, Brandon Mayhew... Ah, here we go. Public masturbation.

Badger

What?

Saul

I don't get it. What's the kick? Why don't you do it at home like the rest of us, with a big flatscreen TV, fifty channels of pay-per-view? [looks back at the file] In a Starbucks! That's nice, heh-heh.

Badger

That ain't me, man! I'm–I was the guy who was selling meth... allegedly.

Saul

[looks through his files again] Okay, alright, I gotcha. Meth. Right. Sorry, that was a little transpositional error. Nothing that a little Wite-Out can't take care of. Yeah, and uh... felony quantity.

Badger

Just barely.

Saul

Yeah, just barely. The cops around here are like butchers—always got their thumbs on the scales, y'know—but good luck arguing that in court. Let me get down to brass tacks: I'm gonna get you a second phone call, okay? You're gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your Boy Scout leader and they're gonna deliver me a check for $4,650. I'm gonna write that down on the back of my business card. [writes the amount down] Four-six-five-zero. Okay? And I need that in a cashier's check or a money order, doesn't matter—Actually, I want it in a money order... and make it out to Ice Station Zebra Associates. That's my loan-out. It's totally legit. It's done just for tax purposes. And after that, we can discuss Visa or MasterCard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask. Alright? Any questions?

Badger

Uh... you're gonna get me off, right?

Saul

What do I look like, your high school girlfriend? Five fingers, no waiting? [pause; Badger stares at him] That's a joke, Brandon! Lighten up! [in low voice] Son, I promise you this: I will give you the best criminal defense that money can buy.