Bones quotes

Booth

So do you want the good news first or the bad news?

Brennan

Is the order at all relevant?

Booth

You know, people like to get the bad news first so the conversation ends in happiness.

Brennan

All right, then. What's the bad news?

Booth

Well, the court refuses to compel a DNA sample from Ericson based on what we have so far.

Brennan

[mobile phone rings] Do you mind? It's not work related.

Booth

Go right ahead.

Brennan

Brennan.

Booth

I'll be right here.

Brennan

[to person on the phone] For Valentine's Day?

Booth

Oh! A Valentine's date, huh?

Brennan

A secret service agent from my gym.

Booth

Of course.

Brennan

[laughs to person on the phone] No, it's not my mother. [to Booth] He thinks that you're my mother.

Booth

Look, I'm not her mother!

Brennan

[to person on the phone] Okay, I don't have a mother. Could I phone you back to tell you no? Thanks! [to Booth] All right, what's the good news so that we may end this conversation on a happy note.

Booth

Ericson has a son in prison for insider trading.

Brennan

Why is that good news? It seems the entire family is degenerate.

Booth

Bones, it's good news because it means the son's DNA is on file with CODIS.

Brennan

Right. So Cam can compare it to the sample from under the fingernails to see if there's sufficient alleles in common to match the dad.

Booth

See. Always start with the bad news first then go with the happy. Are you happy now?

Brennan

It's good news.

Booth

Are you happy?

Brennan

I'm happy!

Hodgins

Ok, look, I know you and Hannah broke up, but for most people Valentine's Day––

Booth

[cuts Hodgins off] You don't wanna finish that sentence.

Hodgins

No. No I don't.

People, there is death in this world and there is romance. Today, death is the loser and romance wins.

Hodgins

What about justice? [Angela smacks him on the back of the head and he reluctantly claps.]

Caroline

[referring to the victim] Real name, Walter Coolidge.

Booth

[looks at the victim's photo] Alright, makes sense if Broadsky will go after a guy like him.

Caroline

That's right, Broadsky goes after bad guys.

Booth

[slams the file down] Doesn't make him right!

Caroline

Of course it doesn't make him right! It just bleeds off a little of our motivation to catch him right away.

Booth

[reading the file] Coolidge flipped on Ortiz and sent him to prison. Is he still there?

Caroline

No.

Booth

Why? Thought he got 'life'?

Caroline

Ortiz isn't currently in prison because he's sitting in your interrogation room.

Booth

You're the best!

Caroline

Tell me something I don't know

Caroline

Cher, did the man get to you?

Booth

You know what? It would actually help if you wanted to put the man in prison.

Caroline

Oh, I most definitely do.

Booth

Well, you're the one who says that you can't argue with the choices Broadsky makes on who he's gonna shoot.

Caroline

Yeah, I can't fault that, but now the man has crossed a line.

Booth

Causing a suicide?

Caroline

No. Man sneaks into your house, threatens you with a gun. That's unforgivable. He should be lethally injected just for that.

Booth

[smiles]

Brennan

[on the phone with Caroline, talking to Booth] Caroline is asking if we see anything?

Booth

The answer's still no and tell her to stop asking.

Brennan

[to Caroline] Booth says stop asking.

Caroline

I don't wait well, I'm an action person. Waiting makes my teeth hurt!

Brennan

[to Booth] Her teeth..hurt.

Brennan

Why are you mad at me?

Booth

Forget it.

Brennan

No, you can't say forget it to your partner. You taught me that.

Booth

I just don't like the idea that my partner thinks that me and Jacob Broadsky are alike.

Brennan

You are similar in many ways.

Booth

[sarcastically] Great! Thanks, Bones.

Brennan

But not in the most important way. How can I put this in a way that you will understand?

Booth

Try to say it in teeny tiny words.

Brennan

Okay. Broadsky is bad. You are good. That's as simply as I can put it.

Booth

[laughs] You don't believe in absolutes like good or bad, all right? You think it's where people stand.

Brennan

From where I stand, you are good and Broadsky's bad.

Booth

Thanks for standing there, Bones.

Brennan

I'm standing right beside you, Booth, like always. Like I always will. I'm being metaphorical, of course, because we are currently sitting.

Booth

Thank goodness, because I thought I'd shrunk.

Brennan

[laughs] That's funny, because you made a joke based on relative position, which goes back thematically to our discussion of situation morality.

Booth

Ha! That's not why it's funny.

Brennan

Tell me another one!

Caroline

Broadsky was in your apartment?

Booth

Yes.

Caroline

Why didn't you, I don't know, jump up and judo/karate/kung fu the man?

Hodgins

These are the bills found with the victim's body.

Booth

All hundreds, right?

Hodgins

Yes, but guess what I found on them?

Booth

Blood, on account that he was shot to death with a high-powered rifle?

Hodgins

Yes, blood, of course blood. But guess what else I found.

Booth

Does this look like a guessing face?

Vincent

Please tell me that this meat is not human.

Brennan

No, it's venison. We found it frozen in the suicide victim's cabin freezer.

Vincent

I'm confused. Are we investigating a murder, or preparing lunch for the Palin family?

Hodgins

So the name that came to you?

It could work for either a boy or a girl, that's the beauty part.

Hodgins

Great.

Staccato Mamba.

Hodgins

Staccato Mamba? Yeah, I-I didn't see that one coming

Brennan

How-how can I put this in a way that you will understand?

Booth

Why don't you try and say it in teeny tiny words?

Brennan

Oh, okay. (slowly and deliberately) Broadsky is bad. You... are good. That's as simply as I can put it.

Booth

All right. You don't believe in absolutes like good or bad. All right? You think it's where people stand.

Brennan

From where I stand, you are good, and Broadsky's bad.

In my line of work, discretion is paramount.

Booth

Discretion can also be an accessory to murder.

Caroline

Well, you see, cher, I am the law, and I can charge your scrawny ass with whatever I want.

Angela

I mean, this is a computer chip. You can program it.

Brennan

Which suggests you can program the bullet.

Angela

Yeah, which means we're looking at something from the future.

Brennan

Time travel is physically impossible.

Booth

Well, you're the one who says that you can't argue with the choices that Broadsky makes on who he's gonna shoot.

Caroline

Yeah, I can't fault that, but now the man has crossed a line.

Booth

Causing a suicide?

Caroline

No. Man sneaks into your house, threatens you with a gun. That's unforgivable. He should get lethally injected just for that.