Alex quotes from Blue Heelers

There's a crazy man running around with a gun.

Tom

If this is a joke...

Actually, he was wearing a uniform like your's. His name is Jones.

The Senior Sergeant is a bit of a straight shooter, is he?

Well, that's one way of putting it.

Jonesy

You didn't tell me you were coming.

I wanted to surprise you. Surprise!

Jonesy

This is Senior Detective PJ Hasham.

I thought you said the detective was an old guy.

Jonesy

You bastard.

What?

Jonesy

Where is it?

Where's what?

Jonesy

Where is it?

Mate, take it easy, mate.

Jonesy

Hand it over!

Okay, okay, just let me go.

What is going on, you two?

That was a very low act.

Yeah, but it was bloody funny.

Jonesy

Right, now you die.

Hey, it was a joke! Where's your sense of humour?

Hey, you two!

Now look here!

Tom

What the hell is going on?

Jonesy and I are just reliving our childhood, Boss.

Tom

Well, find a playground to do it. Because believe it or not, this is a police station.

Have you thought about a massage?

Thanks Sarge, but I hardly know you.

Let me try.

Try strangling him instead.

Jonesy

I gave you plenty of warning!

Yeah, then you just dropped him on me!

Doc, please! I've got a low pain threshold!

Just try to relax.

Okay, I promise. No more bad jokes.

Jonesy

Your mug half empty, mate?

Just, ah, contemplating the universe.

Jonesy

Is it a private conversation or can anyone join in?

When you think about it, you know, two bodies that have been revolving around each other for some time. Equal mass, although one may be thicker than the other...

Jonesy

Are you sure this is, ah, coffee you've been drinking?

Gravity...is a really powerful force of attraction, mate. I mean, these two bodies...they just, they just wanna crash into each other, but something's holding them back. Inertia, maybe? I dunno. But they're...locked in orbit. It could go on forever.

Jonesy

Sounds depressing.

It is. Get your act together, mate. Ask her out.

Jonesy

Who?

Who do you think?

That's not a very flattering way to talk about a lady.

Jonesy

Well, the lady's not interested.

Okay, Susie, where'd you hide them?

God, you're an insensitive bastard.

Jonesy

Yeah, you're an idiot.

Well I guess that's marginally better than being a bastard.

Well, I'm stuffed too if it's any consolation.

Jonesy

Not really, no. Well, maybe just a little bit.