Jack quotes from Black Mirror

The video was a hit for a reason.

Jamie

The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate.

It doesn't matter.

Jamie

Or funny, which is almost worse.

Look we--we don't need politicians, we've all got iPhones and computers, right? So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. Let the people vote--thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. That's a democracy. That's a--that's an actual democracy.

Jamie

So's YouTube, and I don't know if you've seen it, but the most popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days.

Jamie

Attention, shoppers. I'm here to ask you an important favor. Gather round. Come over here and listen. Don't vote for me, I'm an insult. Seriously. Vote for Monroe or Harris, or, I dunno, UKIP or even that Lib Dem guy. Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me! I'm worse than a wasted vote! I mean it, you idiots, don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! DON'T VOTE FOR ME! DON'T VOTE FO--

[towards crowd] Shut up!

Jamie

No, don't boo him! He's right, he's right.

What are you doing?!

Jamie

Resigning.

Jamie

Look, it's me, I'm Waldo! This guy, whoever this guy is, [gestures towards Harris' campaign aide] he's a hero! You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news!

He's funny!

Jamie

He's not.

[as Waldo] Don't listen to that man! He's a lesbian! Ahh!

So, remember, the polls are open, and if you've got my app, you can unlock new stuff like new catchphrases and a new hat n' that. Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me! So, question the status quo! Kick 'em where it hurts and--

Jamie

[attempting to destroy the monitors on the truck with a nearby sign] Kill it!

The first man to hit him gets 500 quid! Yeah, that's right, knock him down! Knock him down! Smash it! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

So now we're just openly checking out women's racks? And don't say you weren't, because I can feel the fucking boner forming, okay? And he checks her ass too as she leaves, holy fuck.

[annoyed] So I checked her out. What? I'm horny as fuck, haven't jerked off in, like, a month.

Well, I'm not stopping you.

You're looking over my shoulder, but from the inside. It's like trying to jerk off in front of a cop who's also your mom.

Fuck you!

Can you drive this thing?

I think so.

You think so?

Hey, "I can do anything if I just believe in myself!"

Oh yeah? Well, I wanna believe that we'll arrive in one fucking piece!

Ashley, go to sleep.

Yeah, that's not gonna work anymore, 'kay?

Shit.