Rolo Haynes quotes from Black Mirror

Rolo Haynes

See, it's like eating chilies. You acclimatize fast. First time you had a jalapeno, bet you spat it out, too hot. But persevere and it becomes addictive. Soon, a jalapeno's not enough. You work your way up: red-hot chilies, bird's-eye chilies, till you get to them Scotch bonnet devils. Dawson's craving was just the same. Before you know it, he's hanging around the ER just waiting for a juicy accident victim to latch onto. All he can think about is that next hit gnawing away up there. "Give it back to me! Give it back! I gotta have it back!"

Rolo Haynes

Dawson was home alone 24/7, climbing the walls. Withdrawal, I guess. He didn't have patients to leech pain off anymore. So he started inflicting it... on himself. Spent a week just whittling away at himself. Cut here, a gouge there. I mean, the guy was a doctor. He knew how far he could go without it getting fatal. But it was never enough. None of it was enough. When he worked on himself, there was a crucial ingredient missing: fear. The amygdala - little almond-shaped nubbin in your brain. When you're afraid, it lights up like a midnight airstrike, sharpens the senses. The fear the patient feels when they're staring up at that ceiling light, the fear accompanying each sudden jab of agony - he'd come to appreciate that, too. It went with the pain. Complemented it, like red wine and steak. You can inflict pain on yourself, but not terror. For that... you need a volunteer.

Rolo Haynes

Dawson was practically coming when they found him. He'd enjoyed one big old speedball of fear and pain and death.

Nish

Tell me they put him in jail.

Rolo Haynes

In the hospital. He wound up in a vegetative state.

Nish

Good.

Rolo Haynes

Still there, to this day. In a coma, deep as the ocean. But the thing of it is, they say he still has that look on his face. Blissed out. Still riding that high.

Nish

You're fucking with me, right? [scoffs]

Rolo Haynes

Okay, I added the boner. I couldn't resist. Fun story, huh?

Nish

Yep, fun story.

Rolo Haynes

Having a backseat driver glued into the back seat ain't no fun for anyone in the car. No privacy for him, no agency for her.

Nish

It'd drive you mental.

Rolo Haynes

[with a hint of glee] Exactly!

Monkey just needs a minute to get used to how things are gonna be.

Now listen, you fucking bitch. We can still have you wiped. That what you want? [silence] Do "monkey needs a hug" for no.

Monkey needs a hug.

Are you gonna be a good toy? [silence] Are you gonna be a good toy?!

Monkey loves you.

You'd better.

Rolo Haynes

[narrating] Anyhow, in the end, Parker got tired of his new toy. But that's kids. They're ingrates.

Monkey needs a hug.

Nish

Whoa... Wait, so this is a crime museum. Where's the crime in this?

Rolo Haynes

Well, the monkey is the crime. See, a couple of years back, the UN made it illegal to transfer human consciousnesses into limited formats like this. Gotta be able to express at least five emotions for it to be humane, apparently. [chuckles] Human rights for cookies! Right, Carrie?

Monkey needs a hug.

Nish

[shocked] She's still in there?

Rolo Haynes

[nonchalantly] It'd be illegal to delete her too, so yeah. [chuckles] Go figure. Anyhow, ACLU raised one heck of a stink, and so thanks to this son of a monkey, I was out on my ass from TCKR. Not even a severance package. It's why I started this place. Had to branch out somehow, and it appealed to the carny in me, I guess.

Monkey needs a hug.

Nish

But he never did get that pardon.

Rolo Haynes

Shit, no! 'Cause he was guilty!

Nish

But wasn't there some doubt? You know, that documentary?

Rolo Haynes

Fake news! Hatchet job!

Nish

What about the DNA tampering?

Rolo Haynes

Seriously? There's no doubt about it! The day he got the chair was a great day for justice. Clayton couldn't complain. I mean, he was gonna be a pioneer. I was gonna slurp up his entire consciousness. He'd be the first guy on death row to survive his own execution.