Black Mirror quotes

Meanwhile, the demand has been made, and there's not long to formulate our response.

Well, I'm not fucking a pig. Page one, that's not happening.

Of course.

Don't run it, Martin.

I'm sorry, I can't help you.

You know how much help you're getting from here on in? Multiply nothing by shit all. UKN is dead to us. Shove it up your ass, you fuck...

I won't have to do anything.

Everyone's laughing at us.

You don't know that.

I know people. We love humiliation. We can't not laugh.

Nothing is going to happen.

It's already happening in their heads. In their heads, that's what you're doing. What my husband is doing.

[to Abi] You've got a phenomenal voice. It was the most beautiful song. You think I'm being cheesy? All right, I am being cheesy. But it was beautiful, so, you know reality's cheesy sometimes. Not often, admittedly, but now.

You heard me singing in a toilet. Is that real?

Bing

More than anything that's happened all year.

I can't take that kind of clockage off someone. It's 12 mils, no way.

Bing

Let me do this. I...I look around here, I just...I just want something real to happen. Just once.

Well? Come on. Got our attention, as requested. What do you want to say? Have you prepared a speech, is that it? Speak!

Bing

I haven't got a speech. I didn't plan words. I didn't even try to. I just knew I had to get here, to stand here, and I knew I wanted you to listen. To really listen, not just pull a face like you're listening, like you do the rest of the time. A face like you're feeling instead of processing. You pull a face, and poke it towards the stage, and we lah-di-dah, we sing and dance and tumble around. And all you see up here, it's not people, you don't see people up here, it's all fodder. And the faker the fodder is, the more you love it, because fake fodder's the only thing that works any more. Fake fodder, it's all that we can stomach. Actually, not quite all. Real pain, real viciousness, that we can take. Yeah, stick a fat man up a pole, we laugh ourselves feral, because we've earned the right, we've done cell time and he's slacking, the scum, so ha-ha-ha at him! Because we're so out of our minds with desperation, we don't know any better. All we know is fake fodder and buying shit. That's how we speak to each other, how we express ourselves is buying shit. What, "I have a dream"? The peak of our dreams is a new app for our Dopple! That doesn't exist! It's not even there! We buy shit that's not even there! Show us something real and free and beautiful. You couldn't. Yeah? It'd break us. We're too numb for it. I might as well choke. It's only so much wonder we can bear. That's why when you find any wonder whatsoever, you dole it out in meagre portions. And only then, until it's augmented, and packaged, and pumped through 10,000 preassigned filters till it's nothing more than a meaningless series of lights, while we ride day in, day out, going where?! Powering what?! All tiny cells and tiny screens and bigger cells and bigger screens and fuck you! Fuck you, that's what it boils down to! It's fuck you! Fuck you for sitting there and slowly making things worse! Fuck you and your spotlight and your sanctimonious faces! Fuck you all for thinking the one thing I ever came close to never meant anything! For oozing around it and crushing it into a bone, into a joke, one more ugly joke in a kingdom of millions! Fuck you for happening! Fuck you for me, for us, for everyone! Fuck you!

I know you've got me down as this creature. You know, hey, I get where you're coming from. I like your stuff.

Bing

It's not stuff. It's truth.

Am I right? Your truth, admittedly, but truth nonetheless.

Bing

You know the only thing stopping me from slashing myself open right now? I might not die right away. And before I went, they'd find a way to charge my twitching half-dead cadaver 20,000 merits for swabbing the walls clean.

Serial monogamist.

I'm a serial monogamist. I'm staying faithful to my cornflakes right now.

I downplayed it. I fudged it, it was...

You lied.

Not everything that isn't true is a lie.

You know when you suspect something, it's always better when it turns out to be true. It's like I've had a bad tooth for years and I'm just finally getting my tongue in there and I'm digging out all the rotten shit.

Martha

I mean, it's totally batshit crazy I can even talk to you.

I mean, I don't even have a mouth.

Martha

That's... that's just...

Just what?

Martha

That's just the sort of thing that he would say.

Well, that's why I said it.

Martha

And I shouldn't have drunk last night. Next time, could you try and stop me?

Stop you drinking?

Martha

Yeah.

So I get to enjoy being a bit of a bastard?

Martha

Don't call me your administrator.

Why not?

Martha

Because...

It sounds sort of sexy.

Martha

See, he would have worked out what was going on. This wouldn't ever have happened, but if it had, he would have worked it out.

Sorry, hang on. that's a very difficult sentence to process.