Being Human · Season 4
[Frustrated with Tom and Hal ignoring her] Annie! How was your day? Oh, thank you. Thank you for asking, because it was a bit weird. I got stalked by a vampire in the park and then I pushed my sex memories into another vampire's sad little vampire brain. Ooh, that is weird Annie. Yes, I know. Thank you for asking.
Is there something you'd like to tell us, Annie?
I cannot sleep in a barn, or a tent or a caravan or anywhere without central heating, carpets and Radio 4, and that should be on my list.
Look, I'm not sure what you were used to when George and, er Tina were around, but...
Their names...were Nina...George...and Mitchell. And this was their home. And they were my friends. And they would have listened to me.
[Michaela throws money at Hal]
I used to ride a horse once.
What? What's that got to do with it?
[Babbling] I had a sword. I was respected. Better than that, I was feared. Peasants had their backs flayed for looking at me funny.
You alright Hal?
It was brutal, but it worked. We had order, we had respect, and now, we have this.
OK, then, mate. Let's go in the back and have a bit of a chat, shall we? Come on.
And I had a shield. A red one!
[Hal and Tom sit watching The Real Hustle]
What we watching?
I don't know. Something about conmen.
Anything else on?
[Hal changes the channel to The Antiques Roadshow]
[Eve cries and Hal holds her. He's very uncomfortable.]
Please, don't do that, little baby. Help! Anyone!
Annie's made a rota.
I already have a rota.
[Hal and Tom look at Annie's rota]
7am, I feed the baby. 8am, You walk the baby. There's a task for every hour and it's colour coded.
Little pictures of nappies and bottles. And Glitter.
She's planned every moment of every minute of every day of our lives.
We must destroy this.
[Doing press-ups] 90...91...
Hal?
92...
Hal, um, It's 12 o'clock, so baby massage and stimulating story time.
98... 99...
100, Great! Um, Eve needs to...
102... 103... 104...
Kirby's great, isn't he?
105...
He's quite funny too.
[Hal continues his press-ups]
Now you're just showing off!
[Hal stops his press-ups. He gets up]
I can't do twelve till one.
Yes, but it's on the rota.
Yes, but on my rota it says 12 o'clock, press-ups, then You and Yours on Radio 4.
Oh!
It's important. It keeps me...
Buff?
No.
Up to date with consumer affairs?
No, it keeps me from killing.
Oh.
And you've seen me. This is how I focus and control it.
So you take it out on your pecs.
Better them than humanity.
Hal, we're meant to be a team.
[Hal sighs.]
OK.
And when you said humanity you meant...
I'd kill everyone I encountered until I was sated. Barry, Cardiff, most of South Wales.
Right. Not all bad, then. OK... [Hands Eve over to him] Well, don't forget to use lavender oil for the massage. OK?
I never forget anything.
It must be lovely being you. Always the cleverest and the oldest and never forget anything for hundreds of years.
No. It's terrible.
You look after the baby on your own do you?
Umm...
Hal! Get down here now!
Are you the baby's sole carer?
Nope. It's not just me.
There's the baby's mother?
Sort of, yeah.
Is everything all right here? Because you seem rather odd.
What do you mean by that?
[sees Hal] Who are you?
[Uncomfortable] I'm, um...
[Hal looks at Annie]
Say it.
I'm his...boyfriend.
[Eve gurgles]
Yeah, me and him, we've...
When you said rather odd, what were you implying?
That's he's a halfwit.
I had no idea you were gay. Most of the gay couples I know have taste.
You see evil is like travelling first class. Try it once and you can never go back.
So Annie's really gone, has she?
Like a fart on the breeze.
Is it me, or do I have the worst taste in men...ever?
[Singing to Tom] Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! [To Hal] Come on, Hal.
I don't sing.
Adam warned me you were different. But never let it be said that Yvonne Bradshaw isn't "open minded". Our head of French is a member of Amnesty, so I know the drill.
In modern parlance, one might say we are 'on the run'.
Why, what've you done?
Her. [indicates Yvonne]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Being Human pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
