“A Spectre Calls” · Season 4
In this episode: Annie Sawyer (4), Hal (4), Tom McNair (2)
[Eve cries and Hal holds her. He's very uncomfortable.]
Please, don't do that, little baby. Help! Anyone!
Annie's made a rota.
I already have a rota.
[Hal and Tom look at Annie's rota]
7am, I feed the baby. 8am, You walk the baby. There's a task for every hour and it's colour coded.
Little pictures of nappies and bottles. And Glitter.
She's planned every moment of every minute of every day of our lives.
We must destroy this.
[Doing press-ups] 90...91...
Hal?
92...
Hal, um, It's 12 o'clock, so baby massage and stimulating story time.
98... 99...
100, Great! Um, Eve needs to...
102... 103... 104...
Kirby's great, isn't he?
105...
He's quite funny too.
[Hal continues his press-ups]
Now you're just showing off!
[Hal stops his press-ups. He gets up]
I can't do twelve till one.
Yes, but it's on the rota.
Yes, but on my rota it says 12 o'clock, press-ups, then You and Yours on Radio 4.
Oh!
It's important. It keeps me...
Buff?
No.
Up to date with consumer affairs?
No, it keeps me from killing.
Oh.
And you've seen me. This is how I focus and control it.
So you take it out on your pecs.
Better them than humanity.
Hal, we're meant to be a team.
[Hal sighs.]
OK.
And when you said humanity you meant...
I'd kill everyone I encountered until I was sated. Barry, Cardiff, most of South Wales.
Right. Not all bad, then. OK... [Hands Eve over to him] Well, don't forget to use lavender oil for the massage. OK?
I never forget anything.
It must be lovely being you. Always the cleverest and the oldest and never forget anything for hundreds of years.
No. It's terrible.
You look after the baby on your own do you?
Umm...
Hal! Get down here now!
Are you the baby's sole carer?
Nope. It's not just me.
There's the baby's mother?
Sort of, yeah.
Is everything all right here? Because you seem rather odd.
What do you mean by that?
[sees Hal] Who are you?
[Uncomfortable] I'm, um...
[Hal looks at Annie]
Say it.
I'm his...boyfriend.
[Eve gurgles]
Yeah, me and him, we've...
When you said rather odd, what were you implying?
That's he's a halfwit.
I had no idea you were gay. Most of the gay couples I know have taste.
You see evil is like travelling first class. Try it once and you can never go back.
So Annie's really gone, has she?
Like a fart on the breeze.
Is it me, or do I have the worst taste in men...ever?
[Singing to Tom] Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! [To Hal] Come on, Hal.
I don't sing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Being Human pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
