“Stolen Valor” quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Tom Anderson

Now hold on there, boys, this here's the Legion Hall, and we're having a special get-together for Flag Day. Service members only.

Old Butt-head

Uhh, we're members.

Old Beavis

Yeah, yeah, we're from America.

Tom Anderson

Well, I'm glad to hear it, but I'm talking about people who laid it all on the line for this great country. Were you in the service?

Old Butt-head

Uhhh... yeah. We did like, service.

Old Beavis

Thank you, drive through. Would you like the combo for a dollar more?

Tom Anderson

You boys wore the uniform?

Old Beavis

Yeah, we had to wear a uniform. There was a hat and everything, yeah.

Old Butt-head

Uh, it was like, a long time ago, but I remember that the training sucked, and it was always hot, and you never knew when a bunch of guys would be all on your ass.

Old Beavis

Yeah, and there was one time when the shake machine-

Tom Anderson

Enough said, boys. Save the war stories for your fellow servicemen. Come on in, and enjoy the company.

Old Butt-head

Kick ass!

Old Beavis

Oooh yeah!

Tom Anderson

Say, have you all met Belvis and Bunhowzen here? They served in, uh... I guess it'd be the Desert Storm.

Old Beavis

Yeah, like I was saying, there's that one time when the shake machine-

Tom Anderson

Did Gilmore tell you the story about how he captured that there flag in Vietnam?

Old Butt-head

Uh, no.

Well, we see roofing it through that godforsaken jungle, when all of a sudden the commies opened fire.

Old Beavis

Fire! FIRE!!! Yeah, FIRE!

You're still feeling it, ain't ya?

Old Butt-head

Yeah. He feels it all the time.

I got a buddy who was in Desert Storm. What battalion were you in?

Old Butt-head

Uhhhhh...

Old Beavis

What?

I said, what battalion were you in?

Tom Anderson

What's your battalion number, boys?

Old Butt-head

Uh, 69. [he and Beavis chuckle]

Old Beavis

Yeah, that's it.

The Fighting 69th! You guys are they're real deal.

Must have seen a lot of action.

Old Butt-head

Yeah. We like action.

Tom Anderson

Well, when you're in the 69, you're gonna get plenty of action when it's going down.

They could lick anybody!

I heard in Iraq, the 69 saw action from both sides at once.

Old Beavis

Yeah, yeah, that's why they call it that! Yeah yeah, here, I'll draw you a picture. Butt-head explained it to me once. See, the bottom of the six is the butt, and then the nine is like, the nads or something. I don't know.