What is this accent he's talking in?
Dumbass, it's foreign!
Oh yeah.
[Beavis humps the couch whilst Butt-head looks at him in shock]
“S”
In this episode: Smart Beavis (114), Smart Butt-head (108), Butthead (4), Jill Sobule (3)
Damn it Beavis, cut that out!
[imitating Shaggy] Bombastic, Mr. Fantastic...
Shonen Knife, Tomato Head
Uh...oh no.
This isn't very good, Butt-head.
Thank you, Beavis, like I couldn't have figured that out myself.
Yeah, anytime.
Boy, this really isn't very good.
Yeah, I know Butt-head. Tell me something I don't know.
Uh...OK. Know the last time you went to the bathroom?
Yeah?
I hocked a lugie in your Coke, and you drank it.
Um...uh...
It was cool.
I knew that! I spit it out.
No you didn't, you drank it.
Shut up, Butt-head! I took a dump on a cracker you were eating one time.
Yeah, I remember that, but I didn't eat it.
Yeah, but it was cool! You ate the cracker.
Yeah. I took the turd off and finished the cracker.
By the way, this video really sucks, Beavis.
Yeah, really. Tell me something I don't--uh, I mean, this sucks!
Shudder to Think, Hit Liquor
Whoa, check it out, it's Don Henley! I didn't know he was a wuss!
You didn't? Where have you been, Beavis? He's a total wuss!
Really?
Yeah. Any time you see a dude on TV and he's like, trying to save some forest or something, it means he's a total wussy.
Really? Let me see...Sting, yeah, he's a wuss.
Mm-hm.
Let's see, uh, who else...Ted Danson, yeah, he's a wussy.
And don't forget Jackson Browne.
AAH! Look at that, he's, like, fiddling around with a dead guy's boobs! This is scary. What if after I die, like, some guy comes around and fiddles around with my wiener?
So what, Beavis? You'd be dead, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, I guess so. I guess if I was out in the ocean with a dead chick, I'd probably kiss her.
I'd kiss a dead chick right here.
So would I. But that's kinda messed up, Butt-head.
Uhh, I know, I was just kidding, Beavis. You were probably serious.
Well, no. Not really.
Sick of It All, Step Down
This dude should get a better apartment.
It's like, at least we may not be millionaires, but at least we have decent places to live.
No we don't.
Oh, yeah. Well, at least we're pretty happy.
No we're not.
Well, at least we have lots of friends.
Not really.
Are we healthy?
No.
Our lives suck!
Yeah. We're cool.
These dances are pretty cool.
Yeah, but they're too easy. Check this out. [the camera cuts back to them. Butt-head makes pelvic thrusts while Beavis punches and kicks in the air. Caption reads "The Dillhole"]
That's cool. Remember this one? [the camera cuts back to them. Butt-head shakes his butt while Beavis jumps up and down with a gyrating motion. Caption reads "The Bunghole"]
Or how about this one? [the camera cuts back to them. Butthead jumps back and forth across the room while Beavis sways his arms. Caption reads "The Fartknocker Double Inverted Nad Twist"]
Next time we go to a dance, I'm gonna pull down my pants and ask a chick to do the Gorilla.
Beavis, the only dance you know is the Monkey.
Oh yeah. I'm gonna do the Monkey right now.
Silverchair, Tomorrow
[sings] More than a feeling...
I woke up this morning, the sun was gone...
CLOSED MY EYES AND IT SLIPPED AWAY!!!
That song's stupid.
Hey, get a haircut, hippie!
This isn't the sixties, dillhole!
My uncle didn't go to Vietnam just so you could walk around with long, hippy-boy hair with your shirt off, heh, damnit.
Uh, your uncle never went to Vietnam, Beavis. He was in jail.
I know, I know, that's what I said. My Uncle didn't go to Vietnam so you could have long hair, see? That's what I meant.
You're a stupid, dumb bunghole, Beavis.
I am not. Shut up, Butt-head.
I think this is supposed to be, like, freaking us out, but I'm un-freaked. In fact, this video is making me feel totally normal.
Yeah, I mean, this is, you know, just a normal video like you always see, really.
Yeah, it's like, you know, if you turned on the TV and this was on, I'd go, like, "Yep. That's what I thought I was gonna see."
Six Finger Satellite, Parlour Games
Ah boy. I think this video has a message.
Yeah. The message is leave. Don't watch it.
This video is, um, it's like it's causing me to influence my behaviour. I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna go into the kitchen and break something. [leaves the room] It's all this damn video's fault! [sounds of banging metal can be heard]
Yeah.
[more intense crashes and bangs can be heard] Eh! Ugh! Son of a bitch!
Go for it, Beavis!
This is cool!
The video still sucks!
[more crashes and bangs can be heard] This is cool, Butt-head! [the crashing and banging becomes really intense] Ugh! Son of a bitch! AAAHH!!
Uhh, Beavis? Beavis? Settle down.
[going really crazy with the crashing and banging] YAAAHHH!!! YOU MUST DIE!!!
Uhh, don't break the popcorn, Beavis.
AAAAAHHHYYAAAAAHHH!!! [breaks something] OW!! OW!
Uhh, Beavis?
Dammit! I cut my leg! [re-enters] I cut myself. Where are the band-aids?
Uhh, they're in the bathroom.
[leaves] Aah, I'm bleeding! Ow!
This is cool.
Yeah, but I'm bleeding. And it's all this video's fault. [crashes can be heard]
Skatman John, Skatman
What is this?
It's the Scatman.
Oh yeah. They should have a name for this kind of music.
There already is a name for this music, Beavis. It's called crap.
They oughta have, you know, a crap section in the record store.
Yeah. It should be out in the dumpster.
No way, Butt-head. There's cool stuff in the dumpster. You wouldn't wanna mess it up with this crap.
This is like that music they play in those clothes stores in the mall, where they have a bunch of TV screens.
Oh yeah. And it's all loud, and then the salespeople come up and say "Hi, would you like a tie today?"
Those places are stupid.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.