“P”
In this episode: Smart Butt-head (64), Smart Beavis (64)
You know, um, I have to say, um, I kind of like this song.
Uh... okay, Beavis.
Yeah! Sometimes, um, if I'm not feeling to good about myself, I'll like, put this song on and like, put some fireworks in my pants, and I start to feel better.
Uh, do you light the fireworks?
Well, yeah, I tried, but everytime I put the lighter down there, in my pants, it just goes out. I need longer fuses or something. Like a longer lighter.
You're a dumbass, Beavis.
You don't have to feel like a waste of space...
My guidance counselor said the same thing, you know, I don't have to feel like a waste of space, but when Katy Perry says it, she has fireworks coming out of her boobs, kind of uh, kind of gives me a special feeling, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, except Katy Perry's not talking about you, Beavis. She's talking about that Dove model by the pool. You are a waste of space.
Shut up, Butt-head.
You're more like that part of the song before where she's talking about the plastic bag floating around, but like, if it floated into a trash can, and then a bunch of stinky homeless dudes peed all over it.
Shut up, Butt-head!
You're not a firework.
DAMMIT BUTT-HEAD! SHUT UP! [Kicks Butt-head in the testicles] I am a firework!
[in agony] Dammit, Beavis...
I'm an M-80.
Tom Petty, It's Good to Be King
Hey, that's that kid from that Losing My Religion video.
Yeah, but I thought he got shot with an arrow or something.
Yeah. Dumbass.
Yeah, really.
It's good to get high...
It's good to get high?
What kind of message is that sending?
Hey Butt-head, did you see that guy, he had like, mirrors all over himself?
Yeah.
That'd be cool if you had mirrors all over your clothes like that, and then like, you could use them to see your own taint. That would be cool.
I don't wanna see my taint. That's stupid.
See, I'm always thinking.
Whoa, check it out, Butt-head, it's Velvet Jones!
Oh yeah. He's cool. [imitates Eddie Murphy] Hi! I'm Velvet Jones.
Yeah , yeah. [also impersonating Eddie Murphy] Hah! Ah'm Vevvet Jones! Dis is mah book, "How to Be a Ho"! [normal voice] Yeah, it's about time someone put him in a video!
Hey Butt-head, how come Tom Petty is famous?
Because he's on TV, dumbass.
Yeah, but how did he get on TV?
Because he's famous.
Yeah, but, I mean, like, how did he get famous?
He got famous because he's on TV.
YEAH, YEAH, BUT HOW DID HE GET ON TV?!
Because he's famous, Beavis! Now shut up before I smack the bejesus out of you!
Phish, Down With Disease
Whoa! They're, like, diving into the fishtank! That's cool!
Diving into the what?
The fishtank, Beavis!
Oh. I thought those things were, like, just really fancy clear toilets. I usually take a leak in those things.
Beavis, you think everything's a toilet.
Well, there's fish in there, right? They go to the bathroom in there, right?
Yeah.
So it's a toilet. See?
Yeah. They drink their own wee-wee.
Fish are stupid.
They're like "Uhh, I guess I'll take a dump and then swim around in it."
Hey Butt-head, check this out. Do you like sea food?
Uh, yeah. [Beavis opens his mouth wide] Beavis, that joke only works if you have food in your mouth. Dumbass.
Well, use your imagination, dillhole.
Pink Floyd, High Hopes
Oh no, is this Yanni? [pause] Uhh...oh, this is Pink Floyd.
Are they from England?
Yep. Just another gang of wussies from England.
You know, I'd really like to go to England. You wanna know why, Butt-head?
Uhh, okay.
Because, um, I just think, like you know, since everybody's a wussy over there, you know, I could just go around and kick everybody's ass, and then I could probably get some chicks because I'd be the only guy who's not a wussy. Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Uhh, I think you'd probably be even be a wussy, like you know, to them.
No way, Butt-head, I could kick some ass. They'd be like [sings] "The grass was greener..." and then I'd come up and kick 'em in the nads - "Wha-ha!" - and then I would score.
Yeah, but I think their nads are so small in England that, like, it'd be pretty easy to miss.
Well, okay, so I'd kick 'em in somewhere else. Just...just shut up, you always mess up my...my dreams! Butthole!
Settle down, Beavis.
You know, if you didn't know anything about these guys, and just heard the name "Pink Floyd", and then you heard this crap, you know, you'd probably think that it was just like, total wuss music.
Uhh, it is wuss music, Beavis.
Whoa, look! Big bingo balls!
Pizzicato Five, Twiggy, Twiggy
Hey Butt-head, check this out. [sings in a fake Mexican accent] Let us put the man and woman together and find out which one is smarter...that was cool
What language is this?
Uh...I think it's like...French.
Really?
Or Mexican, or something.
I can sing in French; check this out. [Beavis sings in a fake Japanese accent; the only coherent words are "taco supremo]
That was pretty good, Beavis! You sound just like those dudes.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
