“M”
In this episode: Smart Beavis (83), Smart Butt-head (78), Butthead (3)
Look at this dumbass! How come he's the only guy who's wearing make-up?
It's like, him and the band all got together and stuff, and said "OK man, tomorrow, we're gonna wear some really scary scary makeup tomorrow, and it's gonna be really cool. We're gonna kick some ass." But then this dumbass was the only one stupid enough to do it!
Yeah. The other dudes were probably like "You put makeup on? You dumbass, we were just joking!"
Boy, this is horrible.
Um...don't say that, Butt-head. I kinda feel sorry for these guys.
Yeah.
Whoa! If I had a mic like that, I'd stick a mic into every end, so I'd be four times as loud.
Uh...no you wouldn't. You can only sing into one end at a time, Beavis.
Not if I spun it around really fast, Butt-head.
No you wouldn't, Beavis. You'd still be singing into one end at a time.
No, Butt-head. I'd spin it around and go REALLY fast. I'd be like [high-pitched groaning].
Uh...yeah, I guess that might work.
Metallica, For Whom the Bell Tolls
Check it out, I was at this concert, and then like Lars points at me. [Lars Ulrich points at the crowd] See? He's said, "There's Beavis"! And there I am, right there!
Beavis, you've never been to a concert in your life.
Shut up, Butt-head! Your mom's a slut!
Beavis, Metallica suck. They've never made out with a chick either.
Shut up, Butt-head! [the two can be seen hitting each other]
That James Hetfield dude looks like the Cowardly Lion.
Shut up, Butt-head! He kicks ass!
The Cowardly Lion sucks, Beavis.
I was talking about James Hetfield! He rules!
YES! YES! Metallica rules!
Not really, Beavis.
Shut up, Butt-head! Just because you say something doesn't rule doesn't mean it doesn't...uh...yeah! Butthole!
I know. It sucks.
If you say one more thing about Metallica I'm gonna slam you in the nads!
Go on with your bad self, Beavis.
[the camera is focused on a close-up on James Hetfield's nose]
See, look inside this dude's nose.
I know. It's cool. Dumbass
Well, boogers and stuff are pretty cool, but the hair isn't very cool.
I dunno. I think it's cool.
Yeah, but it's like, if you wanna rule, you gotta be cool, like, all the time, like, even when you're taking a dump and stuff, like GWAR.
Oh. I wasn't saying they were as cool as GWAR. But they still rule! They rule! They rule! They kick ass!
Metallica, One
What's this?
You should know, buttmunch. This is Metallica.
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, YEAH!!!
[commenting on the rather clean and slow intro]
This part of the song sucks, but it gets cool later.
Yeah.
It starts going, "Dududududuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!"
Shut up, Beavis! You're beginning to piss me off.
Lars is cool.
Isn't he that dude on that Addams Family?
You're thinking of Lurch, dumbass! Lars could kick Lurch's butt.
Yeah. He could kick Cousin Itt's butt too.
Does Cousin Itt have a butt?
Yeah. [jabbers like Cousin Itt]
[imitating Lurch] Uhhh, you rang, Mrs. Addams, uhhh?
Heh heh, that was pretty funny, Butt-head.
[the music starts becoming more metallic]
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Metallica rules!
They rule.
[singing along] Dunununuh! Dunununuh! Darkness! Imprisoning me! I cannot live! I cannot die!
Shut up, Beavis!
Oh. Sorry, man.
MGMT, It's Working
Uh, this is like, those instructions you get when you try to buy a bed at IKEA.
Oh, yeah. The bed shouldn't have instructions. Except for like, "sleep" and "get it on."
Yeah, really. That's why I stole this couch.
Uh... remember when you were little and your mom tried to lose you at IKEA?
Oh, yeah, yeah! She's like, um... "just lay down and take a nap right here, Beavis. Everything's gonna be fine."
And then she couldn't find her way out and kept running into you again.
Yeah, she wanted to go to Las Vegas with the bikers.
Yeah. They finally found her fighting in the parking lot.
Oh yeah. And then they made me, um, go live with that family, um... the Fosters. Yeah.
[The drummer appears wearing a sombrero]
Uh... is that a lesbian or a Mexican?
Um... you're not supposed to say those words, Butt-head.
Uh... really?
Remember that guidance counselor came and told us that those were both bad words?
Uh... oh yeah. He said those words were like, intolerable or something.
Uh... I think this is a diagram that shows how the butt works.
Yeah, it's the digestive system of a lesbian. I mean, uh, oh. Dammit.
Whoa! They gave a poopsicle to that kid!
MGMT, Kids
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
