Yeah, I know, but what's that thing she's dragging behind her? [Butt-head laughs] Why is that funny?
Because, Beavis, you thought when I said a hoe, that thought I was talking about the chick. But I was talking about the hoe.
Okay, but why is that funny?
Dammit Beavis! Because, like, when a word means two things like that, it's pretty funny.
I'll be damned. I didn't know that.
You know, it's like, choking your chicken could be, like, if you had a pet chicken, and you were choking it. [as in literally asphyxiating a chicken] Or it could mean, like, you're choking your chicken. [as in masturbation]
[laughing] Oh yeah. That's funny! Choking your chicken, that's pretty funny. I get that one. Okay, I got one - masturbating! [laughs]
Uhh, that doesn't work, Beavis.
Yeah it does! I do it all the time!
This chick has small nostrils.
I think anybody's nostrils would look small to you, Butt-head. You look like a cow.
Well, I may have big nostrils, but you know what that means.
Oh yeah. It means you have lots of loogie.
Okay, Beavis. You'll be thinking about loogies and I'll be slapping around my gigantic schlong.
Helium, XXX
Hey Butt-head. I think the TV's on slow. Fix it.
Beavis, you can't put the TV on slow. You're thinking of the VCR or something.
I think this chick just like, woke up or something.
She probably doesn't start rocking until later like in the afternoon or something.
She probably rocks it around 4, and has a late lunch, and then she goes to the mall.
She goes shopping for a new nightie, and then she takes a nap, and then she rocks until 3 or 4 in the morning, and then she sleeps 'till noon.
Check it out! Her guitar's broken.
Oh yeah. They should like, break more guitars.
They should break that escalator too. That would rule.
[The lead singer is destroying an overhead projector]
Yeah, stomp on it! Kick it!
Yeah! I hate those things.
Yeah. Everytime someone brings one of those into class, I just like, stick my hand on it and flip everybody off.
[A bandmember resembles Jim Carrey]
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective !
Check it out, she's horny. Chicks get that look when like, I talk to them and stuff.
Yeah, and then they just leave.
Helmet, Unsung
That drummer looks like a regular guy.
Yeah. If you saw him on the street, you wouldn't even know he was cool.
Helmet, Wilma's Rainbow
What's happening to this dude's face?
Uhh, I think he's like, changing expressions and stuff.
It's like, you really only need, like, three expressions or something. Like one expression for when you're trying to pick up on a chick.
When I'm trying to pick up on a chick, I usually look like this. [Beavis' face is in his neutral expression]
Yeah. I usually use this expression. [Butt-head grimaces] And then, like, you need an expression for when you're lying.
I usually use this one when I'm lying. [Beavis' face is once again in neutral] And then you have and expression for when, like, you're taking a dump.
This one usually works for me. [Butt-head grimaces]
I usually use this one. [Beavis' face is once again in neutral]
That's a pretty good one, Beavis.
Hole, Violet
[The screen says Violet] Uh...violence?
Yeah, alright! I like it when they tell you beforehand that there's gonna be some violence, so you can make sure you don't, like, go to the bathroom or anything.
Oh yeah! Who are these guys, Butt-head?
Uh...this is Hole, Beavis. Who did you think I was talking about?
Oh! I thought you were talking about her bunghole.
So like, the sign at the beginning said "violence", and the band's name is Hole, and it's like, we aren't seeing any violence or any hole.
Yeah, really! That sucks!
Yeah. They need to like, show a big, violent butthole.
I'll show you my butthole if you want. [Butt-head slaps Beavis across both sides of his face] Ow!
You know, I heard this Hole chick is a slut.
Yeah, I think it'd be cool if like, we got together and like, we could like spaz out and stuff, and then we could like, do it.
Beavis, the only way you could score is if she was like, the biggest slut in the world.
Yeah! Yeah! [Beavis' eyes widen] YEAH!
You know who Hole looks like in this video? She looks like that Tori Spelling chick.
Yeah, but Hole looks a lot hotter than Tori Spelling.
What kind of a name is Hole anyways?
Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna name your daughter Hole, at least name her like, Bunghole or something.
It could be like, you know, that joke where the father names her after the first thing he sees when she's born.
Yeah, but then why would he, um...oh yeah!
Hum, Stars
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Beavis and Butt-Head pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
