The Reads visit the Lincoln Memorial. Arthur reads from a guidebook.
AArthur
"Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth president. He issued the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1st, 1863."
Boy, look at the size of those feet. Where'd he ever buy his shoes? Was he the only giant president?
Lincoln wasn't a giant. The statue is much larger than he was.
Wouldn't you know it? Finally something interesting, and it's a fake.
D.W., can't you please just try to relax and enjoy what's here?
Okay, Daddy. At least I'll get to see the Statue of Liberty.
Um... that's in New York, honey.
The Reads walk up to the White House.
The flag's up. That means the president is home today.
AArthur
What if we meet him and become friends?
In his imagination, Arthur plays minigolf with the president on the White House lawn. They high-five.
Arthur and the president have a soda drinking contest in the Sugar Bowl while Arthur’s friends watch. The president’s glass has the presidential seal on it.
PPresident
You beat me again, Arthur.
The fantasy ends.
Arthur! Come on, the tour is starting. It's the last one today.
They hurry into the building.
The Reads start a tour through the White House.
GGuide
On the ground floor is the China Room, which contains a collection of presidential...
D.W., don't get left behind!
How exciting; another closed door.
GGuide
Follow me, please.
We could have stayed home and locked each other out of the bathroom. It would have looked just like this.
She crawls under a cordon and walks to a partly open door.
AArthur
D.W., stop it! You're gonna get us kicked out!
D.W. comes back.
I'm just trying to find the government.
AArthur
Don't break the rules. I don't want the president mad at us.
The tour continues.
GGuide
During Kennedy's administration, a permanent art collection was assembled for the White House...
I don't like this. It's full of people who make a lot of rules, and everybody's afraid of getting in trouble.
GGuide
In 1948, when Harry Truman was president, the White House was found to be unsafe for occupancy.
D.W. sneaks through an open door and closes it behind her. She sees a wide hallway in front of her. She tries to get back but the door will not open.
Her parents are on the other side of the door.
Where has she gone? D.W.!
AArthur
Oh no, D.W.’s loose in the White House. We’re doomed.
In his imagination, D.W. sits on the president’s desk.
PPresident
It gives me great pleasure to sign the D.W. Law. It is now illegal not to own a pony.
The journalists and guards are sitting on ponies.
JJournalist
Right on, D.W.!
PPresident
And the national anthem has been changed to "Crazy Bus".
The fantasy ends.
AArthur
We’ve got to find her before she wrecks the whole country.
What are you writing your book report on, Arthur?
AArthur
I've read a lot of good books lately. I'm trying to choose between the two best.
If you can't decide, I've read an exciting book about magnetic fields that I highly recommend.
[Arthur, Buster and Fern's mouths fall open]
No thanks, it can't be as good as "The Case of the Creepy Shadow." [she pulls out that book.]
What about you, Buster? [he pulls out a set of magnets sticking to one another] It's intriguing reading and comes with six free magnets.
Um, sounds great, Brain, but I plan to do what I always do. Book reports are no sweat.
AArthur
I thought he was my best friend, but he wants to go.
I bet he doesn't want to go.
AArthur
He could have stayed and lived in a pit, but he said no. What does that tell you?
Try thinking how Buster will feel. You're losing one friend, but everything else stays the same for you.
Buster's losing all his friends and going to a place where everything is new. It can be scary. I know. We moved a lot because of my father's job. It's hard.
AArthur
Buster probably needs a best friend now more than ever.
AArthur
I've decided to stay around the house, help out with some chores and stuff.
AArthur
Oh, you know, I figured I violated my parents' trust by going to the dump. I should think about what I did and stuff.
Well, Arthur, that's really adult of you.
[Arthur and D.W. sit at the breakfast table in their pajamas. Mrs. Read makes scrambled eggs on toast.]
Planning a party is a lot of work, you know.
How hard can it be? You invite people and they come!
Speaking of people, let's keep this small. Just Grandma Thora's closest friends, okay?
That's no fun! Can't we do stuff like rent an elephant or a zebra?
No elephants, D.W., just a nice, small, quiet party. Are you listening, Arthur?
[Arthur goes on reading the cereal box without looking]
AArthur
Yeah, Mom, a nice, small, quiet...
(She pulls Fern away. Fern gives Francine a reproving look. In Francine’s imagination she and Brain are standing in an old English courtroom wearing prisoner’s clothes. Arthur as prosecutor is questioning Fern. Mr. Ratburn is the judge.)
AArthur
And before Muffy Crosswire hired you, you knew who wrote the note.
I deduced immediately it was Brain and Francine. Of course I had to tell Muffy. My reputation was at stake.
NRNigel Ratburn (Judge)
[bangs with the gavel] That's all the evidence I need to hear. Guilty as charged!
[takes her to the locks in a jail cell with Brain] But it was just a joke... just a joke...just a joke...a joke...
AArthur
What do you mean you want me to take D.W. to the race?!
We'll meet you guys down there. We have to drop Kate off at Grandma Thora's first.
AArthur
Couldn't you get a babysitter or something? She's just gonna blow her whistle at everyone!
Am not! Not unless I see someone who's not being safe.
You have been getting a little carried away with your whistle, D.W.
But I'm just doing what Officer Safety said to do.
He didn't mean for you to be a tattletale, D.W. He just wants you to let people know when someone's doing something dangerous, okay?
Good. Now, tomorrow, Arthur, you will take D.W. to the race. And, D.W., you will not bother Arthur.
AArthur
Great, we spent all that money, and we still don't know what's wrong with her, except she's driving me absolutely busalooey, and you know how much I hate that word!
Arthur, D.W. and I are going to get some ice cream. Why don't you go home?
I'm sorry, this is just for girls. See you later.
AArthur
I can't see! Move your head!
You're not the boss of me, Mr. Goopy.
AArthur
D.W., please move your big, large, enormous, gopher-looking head.
[gasps] At least my head doesn't look like a football with glasses!
AArthur
No, your head looks like a big meatloaf with raisins!
We'll be back at 10:30. Here's the phone number. The kids shouldn't need anything.
Mom! Arthur said my head looks like a watermelon except for the bad haircut!
I can handle it. Have a good time!
I have a lot of homework, so why don't you two go play quietly at opposite ends of the house?
AArthur
I wouldn't want to go to your stupid messy girl-room anyway!
I don't have turtle-breath! Smell!
He called me turtle-breath!
AArthur
She took my red crayon.
I had to! It's a castle coloring book! There's a lot of bricks!
D.W., give him his crayon. Arthur, go back to the den.
This isn't working because Arthur knows more words than me. Catherine, you're so smart. What's another word for "boring"?
If you wanna know the words that mean the same as other words, you look in a thesaurus.
I did it! I did it! I win! Yahoo! Yay!
AArthur
Tedious, tedious... hey! Do you know another word for "annoying"?
Does the saurus have a word for someone who eats too much cake?
You kids are really working on your vocabulary! I'm so impressed!
You are distended from eating cake. Plus you are both corpulent and adipose.
AArthur
You are... vapid.
If I'm vapid, you're atrocious and heinous. I bet you don't even know what that means. I do.
AArthur
Well, at least my initials don't stand for "dimwit".
Ha, Tommy Tibble came up with that and he's my age. You lose!
AArthur
Oh, I know what you are. You wanna know what you really are? You're such a... Dora Winifred!
AArthur
Dora Winifred! Dora Winifred!
Stop it! Stop it! Make him stop!
Arthur thinks he's so great.
I'm not gonna let him beat me.
Arthur · 265 quotes
