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Are You Being Served? quotes

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Are You Being Served?
All S1

S1 E15Unfinished Business

Oh, Miss Thorpe, where's the maintenance file?"

TMiss Thorpe

You mean the one marked "Decoration"?

Yes.

TMiss Thorpe

I filed it yesterday under "A".

Under "A"?

TMiss Thorpe

Yes, I file most things under "A".

I don't quite follow.

TMiss Thorpe

Well, A letter, A sales report, A customer's complaint.

A very difficult way of finding anything.

We'll do your inside leg. [Aside, to Lucas] This should be fun.

You ought to be careful. You know it's an offense to make dirty phone calls.

Captain Peacock, would you use your senior position to tell Mr. Lucas to shut his cake hole?!

Mr. Lucas, you are not indispensable. There are many young men who would bend over backwards to get into Grace Brothers.

That's one of the qualifications.

This sweater is half man-made wool, half polyester fiber.

NMNewlywed Male Customer

Surely that's man-made as well.

Ah, yes, but it's made by different men.

NMNewlywed Male Customer

Shall I or shan't I? Should I or shouldn't I?

Is he or isn't he?

I don't know, but I'd think it'd help if there was a rush.

Mrs. Slocombe wants to know if she can borrow a couple of pairs of socks to stuff down her bra.

She's not going to talk to those workmen again, is she?

It's a wonder I'm here at all, you know. My pussy got soaking wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left!

[To customer] And that's because you've got a fat face, piggy eyes, and a... a pimple, on your nose. [Turns to Humphries and Lucas] You young salesmen just don't know how not to sell clothes.

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