(about Angel making out with someone on his desk) This isn't like him.
What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?
Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.
You're right. This isn't like him.
S3Carpe Noctem
Hi.
Hey. How's your head? S-Sorry about all that...
No, I gather I had it coming.
Uh, yes.
Fred, I've been meaning to talk to you about something.
Mm-hmm. Okay. Is this about how you're not like other men... what, with that curse and all? And, how you're really fond of me, but that's as far as it goes?
Um... Yeah.
Cordelia explained it to me. She said you'd probably just screw it up.
Oh, she did, did she? Well, she's probably right. What?
It's like something out of Fitzgerald. [sighs] The man who can have everything but love. Well, maybe in some ways, you're better off, because love is... Well, in a way, it's everything. But it's also heartache and dissappointment. And those are good things to avoid.
Angel, Willow's on the phone. She's alive. Buffy's alive.
Buffy?
S3Fredless
Lemme break it down for you, Fred.
CACordy [as Buffy]
Oh, Angel, I know that I am a Slayer, and you're a vampire and it would be impossible for us to be together, but--
WAWesley [as Angel]
But... my gypsy curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy...
CACordy [as Buffy]
Yes, Angel?
WAWesley [as Angel]
I love you so much, I almost forgot to brood.
CACordy [as Buffy]
And just because I sent you to Hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends.
WAWesley [as Angel]
Or possibly more?
CACordy [as Buffy]
Gasp! No! We mustn't!
WAWesley [as Angel]
Kiss me!
CACordy [as Buffy]
Bite me!
[entering] How 'bout you both bite me?
You're back!
How'd it go?
I think those two pretty much summed it up.
(on Fred's invention) God, I really wish she wouldn't leave her toys laying around.
Ooh, pretty wicked looking toy.
I'll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device.
Or it makes toast. With her you never know.
BMr. Burkle
And to think, we were wondering when to call the police on a bunch of superheroes.
Oh, I'm not really a hero.
More like a blood-sucking fiend.
BMr. Burkle
Well frankly, Angel, I don't care if you drink pig's blood, cow's blood, or those froofy little imported beers. You saved my little girl.
Well, I wouldn't have had to if she hadn't gone all Amazonian and whacked that thing with a golf club.
BMr. Burkle
Well, I'll tell you. I haven't seen a stroke like that since Nicklaus took on Gary Player in the '63 - -
ABAngel and Mr. Burkle
Bob Hope Desert Classic (laugh together like old friends)
(after Fred's invention launches an axe through the Durslar beast's head) So. Not a toaster.
Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. 'oh, you're my big, fat hero!' around.
[quietly] You think I'm fat?
[to Wesley and Gunn] Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson! A little focus, please.
[Looks at the walls] Are you gonna remember everything that's up there?
Well, sure. It's a story. Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived all alone in a horrible cave - so far from home it made her chest hurt. And every day in that horrible cave, the girl tried to figure out a way to escape. None of her plans ever succeeded, of course, and she'd almost given up hopin' - when one day, just like in a fairy tale - a handsome man rode up on a horse and saved her, and took her back to his castle. Now you'd think that was the end, wouldn'tcha? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters. But see, the minute they got back to the castle, the handsome man went away again. And even though she didn't mean to - didn't want to - high up in that castle the girl just built herself another cave. Hoping he would save her again. [Looks at Angel] But you can't save me this time. Can you?
S3Billy
[playing a video game] Dead! So dead! So very, very dead. Just how dead are you, huh?
I'm tired of being the dead one.
Cordelia Chase, right? You came here to gloat?
I can do that anywhere. Are you going to invite me in? Oh, wait. I'm not a vampire. (walks in)
(sarcastically) Please, come on in.
I want you to tell me about Billy. Everything you didn't tell Angel. I want you to help me stop him.
And what makes you think I'm going to do that?
Well, your face, for starters.
I know the risks of my job, and I accept them.
Then why were you crying five minutes ago. (Lilah looks surprised) There's not a thing about badly re-applied mascara that I don't know.
I am not Lindsay McDonald. I don't switch sides whenever it gets tough. And since when is this your job? I thought Angel was the Dark Revenger.
Angel feels responsible for this guy because he brought him back from hell. I feel responsible because he did it to save me. You, who are actually responsible for the entire thing, feel nothing at all, because you are a vicious bitch.
So you know me.
Please, I was you. With better shoes.
These are Versace.
Fall collection?
Next spring.
He's widened the heel.
And rounded the toe.
That won't work with pink.
The pink is out this spring.
Billy makes people crazy.
Not all people. Just men. He brings out a primal misogyny in them. Turns them into killers.
Then why didn't he do it to Angel?
Angel's seen him?
Yes, right before he escaped from the cops. (Lilah laughs) What's so witty?
Billy's touch work's differently on different men. Some lose their mind in an instant. Others, can take hours. Gee, I sure hope Angel isn't starting to feel testy.
You better hope it.
I know. I've seen his dark side.
You really haven't. (Lilah looks nervous) I have to find Billy.
And I'm going to help you why?
You know that guy you hired to hack into my visions? What he did to me? You know what it felt like? I was cut, torn up, my face disfigured and burning with pain every second, not knowing if it was going to end or just get worse until I died.
So you think I owe you?
It's not the pain. It's the helplessness. The certainty that there is nothing you can do to stop it. That your life can be thrown away in an instant by someone else. He doesn't care. He'll beat you down until you stay down, because he doesn't even think of you as alive. No woman should ever have to go through that, and no woman strong enough to hold the mantle of vicious bitch would ever put up with it. Where is Billy going?
(to Billy) Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow aimed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me.
Speaking of saliva, where is Cordelia?
What do you mean 'speaking of saliva?' How does saliva make you...
It's a simple question.. where is Cordelia?
S3Offspring
Hey, what are friends for?
If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry.
[Angel spins around to see a very pregnant Darla standing on the top landing leading down into the lobby from outside.]
Hello, lover. Long time no see.
This is impossible.
Tell me about it, daddy!
You slept with her?
Vampires can't have children. Wesley?
WWes
Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible.
That's not what I asked.
You know we can't. I know we can't. But we did.
I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting.
What did you do to me?
[She hits Angel across the face and he stumbles back against the weapons cabinet behind him.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Angel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.