Angel · Season 5
I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?"
What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its LA branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes?
Your run-on sentences have gotten a lot less pointless
Oh, that's so sweet. And a tad condescending.
(into speaker phone) Uh... can I get a cup of coffee or something?
You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats press one, or say "goats."
(moments later, Angel presses another button)
To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key.
Guess what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.
Vampire.
Capital "V." And there's something else you should know about me. [picks up a paddle and knocks him across the room] I have no problem spanking men.
Don't you think it's a bit unseemly, adding "Y"s to the end of people's names?
Does that mean I have to call you "Wesle"?
[Agent Hauser aims his shotgun at Angel]
You know that won't kill me.
It'll hurt. That part's fun.
Agent Hauser, I'm honestly beginning to suspect that you're not part of the solution.
You really think you can solve the problem? Come into Wolfram and Hart and make everything right? Turn night into glorious day? You pathetic little fairy.
I'm not little.
That's exactly what you are. You're minuscule. A dust mote on the shelf of that great institution. Now, you think I'm just a trigger-happy jerk who follows orders, but I am something you will never be. I'm pure. I believe in evil. You and your friends, you're conflicted. You're confused. We're not. That is why you are gonna lose, because we possess the most powerful thing in the world... conviction.
There is one thing more powerful than conviction. Just one. Mercy.
[Angel kicks Hauser's gun up, causing him to pull the trigger and blow his own head off]
(Shocked) What happened to mercy?
You just saw the last of it.
Spike!
Spike.
Blondie Bear?
[Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers.]
What? What?
What the hell are you doing here, Spike?
Harmony, please.
This is Spike? *The* Spike?
Wait a minute. Who's...
[calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.
Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.
OK, would somebody please tell me who...
William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...
Me. But you're dead.
Well, yeah. Who here isn't? [looks around] Besides him and him and her and... [to Lorne] What are you, again?
[lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.
I must be in hell.
Er... no, L.A., but a lot of people make that mistake.
[to Spike] Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually - I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - Ugh! That's just - Ugh!
Did you remember a strange sensation when it released its energy?
You mean my skin and muscle burning away from the bone? Organs exploding in my chest? Eyeballs melting in their sockets? No. No memory at all thanks for asking.
I'm also detecting brainwave activity.
On Spike? Hmm. That *is* weird.
[to Hainsley's butler] We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.
I'm his date.
Excuse the interruption, sir. There are some more men from Wolfram and Hart asking to see you. They seem rather adamant.
Kill them.
Very good, sir.
Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.
Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.
[Incorporeal Spike walks through a gray wall to follow Angel.]
Running away again.
Angel turns around and keeps walking, Spike not too far behind.
Nice new M.O. I can see why heros like you get rewarded with the shiny new glass and chrome. Why didn't I think of that?
[Still walking] I'm not responsible for what happened to you.
Angel it's almost 3:00 you have a meeting...
[interrupting with a hand out and still walking] Not now, Harmony.
And here you've even managed to get my ex-tumble, the littlest vampire, fetching coffee for you. Nice perks for the sell-out.
[Stops walking but still not facing Spike] A little tip, Spike. Try not to talk about things you don't understand.
[walks in front of Angel] I'm not the prat here. I know you Angel. What do you think you're doing? Made some devil's bargain to take over this company. Thought you'd use it to fight the evil of the world from inside the belly of the beast. Trouble is you're too busy fighting to see you and yours are getting digested.
Not gonna happen. [Moves to walk away again]
What? You think you're in control here? Guess again, mate. You're no more in control than I am. Except I'm not going to bloody stand for it while you're just a blind...Groxlar Beast.
What?
[Spikes stares behind Angel. Angel sees the Groxlar walking out of the elevator. He fights it. During the fight Spike punches the Groxlar's head but his arm goes through it.]
Oh, brilliant.
[The fight continues and Angel kills the beast.]
[sighs] Okay. Somebody want to tell me how a Groxlar Beast got past security? I don't have time for this.
'Course not. Man's gotta stay focused on profit margins and power lunches.
Angel...
Yeah, Spike. I got a business to run. That means responsibilities, appointments to keep.
[Pointing at the fallen Groxlar] That was your 3:00
That...
[Spike laughs.]
I'm meeting with Groxlars? They eat babies!
Just their heads. You were supposed to open negotations with this clan.
Negotations for what?
[Walking in wearing a suit and briefcase in hand] Get them to stop eating baby heads.
Oh, so that's good. [looking down at the Groxlar] So this...this is bad.
No, actually the Groxlar Clan respects someone who takes a strong opening position. Wolfram and Hart didn't just jack me up with the human laws, also demons laws from every demension. Probably should have briefed you about the Groxlar, but [looks at Spike] we got a little... sidetracked.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Angel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
