American Dad! quotes

527 total quotes

Stan: Oh, my God! Roger is my hero!
(Roger is asleep on the hotel bed. He wakes up and finds Stan sitting across from him)
Roger: Stan, who the hell are you talking to? Are you just sitting in the dark watching me? Oh God, were you yanking it over my sleeping form? Oh you sick -- (notices lipstick marks all over his body): What the? (pulls back the covers to reveal a naked, sleeping fat woman): You always get what you want, doncha, Helen? Bravo.
(Stan grabs the Olympic gold medal from Roger at the hostel)

Stan: Oh, son. Every day with you is like a punch in the nads.
(Stan is in Roger's hotel room, still in awe that Roger was part of the 1980 "Miracle on Ice" Olympic hockey team)

Stan: Roger's a dirty cop. He's been on the force for three hours!
(Roger is crying over not being strong and begs Stan to help him)

Stan: When I turned 14, I took fiduciary responsibility for my mothers 401K. We discussed over Italian food. I had my first espresso, it kept me up all night. I fell asleep at dawn for five minutes and had a stress dream about the house burning down. Pretty good birthday.
(Stan comes home from his extended stay in prison)

Stan: Who are you?
Bug (weakly): Roger's conscience.
Stan: Oh, my God. You're dying of neglect.
Bug: Kill me.
(Stan hears moaning from behind him. He turns around and finds Tom Skerritt wrapped up like a fly in a spiderweb)
Stan: Tom Skerritt?
Tom Skerritt (weakly): Get me work.

Stan: You lying, thieving cheater! You're gonna get what you deserve! Where do they keep the British tourist girls?

Steve: All right, just give birth the ferret baby and put it in the bucket-- it's worth 50 points

Steve: Wow, uncensored nudity! This game must be from Japan!
Toshi: [in Japanese] Unlikely. Those are women, not underage schoolgirls.

Steve: You can put it in a curro case, you can sew with it, a little mouse could wear it for hat.
[Roger throws it on ground and stomps on it, walks away and comes back as Veleak]

Terry Bates: You may notice that my partner Greg isn't here. That's because he was Raptured. Apparently, God does love gays but only if they're "tops". Take it in the behind, you get left behind.

[Stan has taken General Pequeño shopping for new clothes]
Store Clerk: [holding up his uniform] What do you want to do with this Rhythm Nation outfit?