Hayley, why don't you say grace?
I'll pass.
Come on, you pray all the time when Jeff comes over. "Oh God! Oh God!"
[clearly not understanding or ignoring the innuendo] Yes, yes, she's very devout.
S1 E5Roger Codger
S1 E6Homeland Insecurity
[after his car runs out of gas] Stupid gas-guzzler--that I as an American have every right to drive.
So, what part of Islam do you hail from?
BBob
Well, my parents were from Iran, but I was born in Cleveland.
Really? You know, we also have a Cleveland here in America. And it'd be just super if you didn't blow it up.
It's potluck, so bring whatever you want.
But not smallpox. Ha, kidding. Kinda joking but not really!
Well, if you're ever taken hostage by, say, a neighbor, and you end up on Al Jazeera, just blink your coordinates in Morse code, like this [blinks quickly as an example] and I'll have a bomb dropped on your location.
But then I'd be dead.
Oh, c'mon, sport, there are plenty of kids in heaven to play with. Your cousin Billy. That little girl from Poltergeist....Well she must be at least sixteen by now. You could totally hit that!
I was finally making friends, Stan. How could you ruin my party?
It was easy. I just yelled "Terrorists!" and everyone ran away.
[Francine frowns at him]
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked how did I ruin your party. And I'm, like, "You were there, baby. You had a front-row seat."
[Francine is pointing a gun at Stan to get him to release their neighborhood from their backyard]
Let 'em go, Stan! It's been a fun ride, but it's over!
Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired [Francine's arm starts to shake], then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex. [she drops the gun, groans in agitation and leaves the room] Wh-where are you--Francine! W-well, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?!
S1 E7Deacon Stan, Jesus Man
Why so sensitive all of a sudden?
I'm going through my reproductive cycle. It's complicated. I'll draw you a diagram. Every six years, my gIaxins shoot up into my fompairs, causing me to lactate a viscous milky mucus. (milks his breasts)
Ugh! Your insides sicken me! I'll be in mein crapper. [sigh] I'm always in mein crapper.
[after Klaus reveals that Roger ate all of Francine's potato salad.]
You set me up, Klaus! Why would you do something so awful?
I'm German. It's what we do.
Roger [after Klaus reveals Roger's secret to producing more milk]: Why, Klaus? Why?!
Ja. Still German.
[after Karl Rove is seated at the kitchen table]
Wait, I know you! You're the amoral puppet master behind George W. Bush!
KRKarl Rove
Thank you.
There is one person I would like to thank... [Francine stands up] Karl Rove! [wolf howls while Francine looks down in disappointment] Karl, come up here.
[Karl moves into the church doorway and he begins to emit smoke, screaming in pain. He then stands back.]
KKarl
I'm good here. My work is done! [transforms into a swarm of bats and flies off]
[to Stan] You don't care about being deacon! You just wanna beat Chuck White. Why do you hate him so much?
Look at his life, Francine. He's got a bigger paycheck, a better wife, better kids...
Stan, that's incredibly hurtful!
I know! That's why I really wanna shove it in his face this time!
[Roger explaining the "secret ingredient" in Francine's potato salad]
Last night I ate all your potato salad, and I tried to make more but there was no mayo, so instead I used... [to Francine] Well, pull my finger.
[Francine does so. Roger's milk squirts out of his breasts. Francine, Heyley and Steve vomit in disgust]
Mystery solved.
I don't get it. So what's the secret ingredient?
What am I gonna do?!
Whatever you want. You know, a pregnant boy still has the right to choose.
Not in this house he doesn't. We're conservatives! And the one way we don't like to kill things is that way!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's American Dad! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.