RDRuss DeKuiper
I built that business up myself!
Archie: ...And (Amelia's) brother on the Board of Education. He gave you the concessions for a whole school district there. Six hundred terlits! Boy, talk about falling into a royal flush!
S2 E19Edith Gets a Mink
S2 E20Sammy's Visit
Let's try, I'll go first... Living or dead?
Archie: I was driving a cab, Edith, not a hearse. Go back to your Solitaire, huh.
Gloria: Give us a hint. Is he in show business?
Archie: Bingo. I'll give you another hint. Bongo, bongo, bongo.
Mike: Well, he's either Desi Arnaz, or knowing you, he's probably black.
Archie: Right. Black as the ace of spades. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, this guy IS the ace of spades.
Edith: For goodness sakes. Archie, you just said ace of spades and I turned up the ace of spades. You see that in the movies and you say that wouldn't happen in real life, but here we are in real life and it happened.
Archie: We're in real life over here, Edith, would you care to join us?
Gloria: Was it Flip Wilson?
Archie: No, no, no, no.
Mike: Belafonte?
Archie: No, I said black, Meathead. Harvey Belafonte ain't black. He's just a good looking white guy dipped in carmel (sic).
MMike
What's the difference between our neighbor Lionel Jefferson and Sammy Davis Jr.?
Archie: Ten million dollars and five purple Cadillacs!
(to Sammy) I'm so excited, but then you can't imagine because you've never had to meet yourself!
Now, Mr. Davis, do you take cream and sugar in your eye?
Can you maybe give us a little preview of one of the songs you're gonna do?
Gloria: Oh, daddy. Mr. Davis makes his living entertaining. You're asking him to go to work.
Mike: Yeah, Arch. How'd you like to be a guest in somebody's house, and they say, "C'mon Arch, do some packing and lifting for us"?
I think that if God had meant us to be together, He'd have put us together. But look what He done. He put you over in Africa, and He put the rest of us in all the white countries.
Sammy Davis Jr.: Well, you must have told him where we were, 'cause somebody came and got us.
I'm sorry Mr. Davis. Sometimes my father says the wrong things.
Sammy: Yes, I've noticed that.
Lionel: But he's not a bad guy. I mean, he'd never burn a cross on your lawn.
Sammy: Yeah, but if he saw one burning he's liable to toast a marshmallow on it!
SSammy
(to Archie) If you were prejudiced you would, like some people, close their eyes to what's going on in this great country that we live in. But not you, Archie, your eyes are wide open. You can tell the difference between black and white.
SSammy
(to Archie) And if you were prejudiced, you'd walk around thinking you're better than anybody else in the world. But I can honestly say, having spent these marvelous moments with you... You ain't better than anybody.
Archie: Can I have your hand on that, Sammy?
S2 E21Edith the Judge
Look at this! You must have forgot to separate the coloreds from the whites.
Mike: (incredulous) Archie? Forget to separate the coloreds from the whites?
MMike
(turning off TV) C'mon, I'll turn it on as soon as soon as you give me the first few lines of the National Anthem!
Archie: Oh say, can you see by the dawn's early light... what so proudly we hail, of thee I sing.
Your Honor, as the bailiff's wife, I object to this kind of language.
Mike: That's right, and I suggest that Mr. Bunker be held in contempt of court!
Archie: Until you start paying rent around here, you're in contempt of house!
S3Archie and the Editorial
MMike
Would you stand up and cheer if it was me at the door?
Archie: Well that depends, Meathead, on whether you was coming in or going out.
All them old Bible people, they was always eating meat, soon as they found out eating apples was wrong... Goats, lambs—who the hell ever heard of sacrificing a head of lettuce?
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