I think you found the goose that laid the golden prune.
S4Archie and the Computer
MMike
If something goes wrong, if you've got a complaint, wouldn't you rather talk to a human being face-to-face?
Archie: Sure I would. But all I got is you.
I don't want nobody to be dead.
Archie: Edith, somebody's gotta be dead; that's life.
MMike
Is there anything for me?
Archie: No, nothing for you, Meathead, just for your mother-in-law. Sympathy cards.
Mike: Those people probably found out you're still alive.
S4The Games Bunkers Play
MMike
There's a storm at sea. The boat overturns, and your mother and I are drowning. Which one of us would you save? Just answer the question, which one of us would you save?
Gloria: That is NOT a fair question!
Mike: Why not?
Gloria: Because I can't swim!
MMike
But criticism is the whole point of this game! There's no fun without it!
Frank: Yeah. And so far, you've been a barrel of fun.
Out there, I told you why Archie gets mad at you. Don't you want to hear why he yells at you?
Mike: Ma, I know why he yells at me. He hates me.
Edith: Oh no, Mike, he doesn't hate you...Archie yells at you because he's jealous of you.
Mike:Ahh, I'm not listening to this.
Edith: Wait a minute, you WILL listen to me, Archie is jealous of you! Now that ain't hard to understand. Mike, you're going to college, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Archie had to quit school to support his family; he ain't never gonna be anything more than he is right now. That's why Archie yells at you; he sees in you all the things that he's never gonna be. So, the next time Archie yells at you, try and be a little more understanding.
S4Archie in the Cellar
IIrene
You know what Frank would say if he had caught us together.
Archie: What?
Irene: "You can do better than that, Irene."
(drunk in cellar) Last will and tentacle.
This ain't something a man usually tells a woman: I love you, Edith.
Edith: I know that, Archie.
Archie: You mean I didn't have to say it?
S4Archie Is Cursed
IIrene
Hello, Archie!
Archie: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Irene: I bet that means, "Who needs her around on my day off?"
Edith: Archie didn't mean that... did you, Archie?
Archie: Don't ever argue with a guest, Edith.
MMike
How long have you been believing in curses?
Archie: How long have you been living here?
MMike
Of course there is magic all the time. You even find magic in the Bible.
Archie: Oh, shut up! You atheist you! The Bible is filled miracles, no magic. God didn't fool around with no magic.
Mike: What about Sodom and Gomorrah? When Lot's wife turned into a pillar of salt?
Archie: That's because when she was running away from them two dirty cities, she stopped to take a look at her behind.
A stunned Mike slams his head against the table.
S4Mike and Gloria Mix It Up
MMike
For the last four weeks... and I think it's longer...
Didn't you just say we have an equal partnership? Fifty-fifty?
Mike: Yeah. Everything is fifty-fifty. But I'm the fifty that should be heard from first!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's All in the Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.