[comes out of the hallway with her painting] Hi.
Hi, Lynnie. How's the painting coming?
Be honest. What do you think?
Sorry, babe. It doesn't speak to me. Next.
I, I think it's very nice. It looks good enough to eat.
So you didn't get the conflicting disharmony between man and nature?
I have to be honest, Lynn. Uh, I'm afraid all I see is a very happy pear.
Lynn, a word to the wise. Forget art! Stick with plan A: Throw yourself at the first rich man to come along.
ALF. This class means a lot to me. It's being taught by a very respected artist in residence.
What, he couldn't afford a place of his own?
I know what it means. You know, I happen to have a nodding acquaintance with painting myself.
I've seen you paint yourself many times.
Go ahead, mock me. But I was quite the artist in my time. I could paint any canvas any color for $29.95. No ups, no extras.
You know, I just had a thought. Perhaps if you were to rekindle your interest in art it might be a less destructive and costly way for you to spend your idle hours.
You know, the ones between waking up and falling asleep.
Oh, [laughs] Courtesy laugh. Willie, I accept your offer. So, Kate, ever done any nude modeling? Talk about a conflicting disharmony between man and nature.
Lynn Hi, Mr. Reuben.
RMr. Reuben
You keep a neat work area.
Lynn Thank you.
RMr. Reuben
Do you perchance have anything to show me?
Lynn I make it a point never to follow children or nudes.
RMr. Reuben
Oh, Lynn. Let's have a look-see. [he opens up Lynn's portfolio]
Mr. Reuben, I can explain! Well, not without stretching reality, but I can. See...
RMr. Reuben
Class, class..
RMr. Reuben
I want you to see something. [the class looks at Lynn's project] What do you think?
I'll tell you what you think. In my defense, Mr. Reuben. I think I should tell you this is a mistake.
RMr. Reuben
No, no, no, Lynn. There are no mistakes. I am seeing a side of you that I have never seen before. And it's brave. Raw, but inspired. Very good work.
Actually, I was a little more fond of, of this. [shows the class her other painting]
[the class disagrees with her other painting]
RMr. Reuben
No, that we put in a model home in the Valley. But this? This speaks from your soul. Is this spinach fettuccine?
RMr. Reuben
Lynn, you've made great strides here. You have combined the stylistic elements of Pollock, Rauschenberg, Jasper Johns.
RMr. Reuben
Toadies. I love them.
[the class laughs much to Lynn's embarrassment]
[angrily comes home from school and confronts ALF for ruining her project] You are in big trouble, mister! You've got a lot of explaining to do!
Oh, Willie, Willie. You're a constant disappointment to Kate and me.
Do you know what he did? He stuffed his painting in my portfolio thinking somehow Mr. Reuben would critique it before I could find it.
Oh, that was an awfully stupid plan, ALF.
That's what I thought at first.
It worked. I knew it! I knew watching The Brady Bunch wasn't a waste of time! What did he have to say? Huh, huh, huh?
Oh, great. The fun part. Now I get to tell him.
I knew it. He hated it. Excuse me while I open a vein.
Wait, ALF, before you make a mess the truth is he liked it. He said it was brave, raw, and inspired.
Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! My day and a half of suffering has paid off.
You mean it's possible that this could truly be a work of art?
And so the breakdown of human civilization begins.
This is horrible. Mr. Reuben thinks I have talent. What am I going to do?
Oh, how do you get yourself into these things?
What you did was thoughtless, selfish, and egotistical! [leaves angrily]
You spend your life raising them and this is the thanks you get.
