[ALF is at the attic writing a story]
ALF! It's 1:00 in the morning!
Are you gonna type all night?
Look, while you're here, let me run some very hip jokes by you. When I'm done, there won't be a dry seat in the house.
There's a challenge I never thought I'd face. Okay, let's get this over with.
Good, you're psyched. Anyone here ever been to a fast-food restaurant? On Melmac, they were the worst. You'd ask for extra crispy. They'd bring you a cat with arthritis! [laughs]
ALF, take my advice. Don't quit your day job. Which, in your case, is just an expression.
Yeah. Like he knows anything about comedy. Mr. "Oh, here's a humorous paradox I read about in Scientific American." I'm funny. I am. I could be a comic. I am funny. I really am!
[Raquel doorbells from outside]
When will it all stop? I need my rest.
ALF, do we have to go into the kitchen?
Where have you been keeping him? [runs up to ALF] There he is! [laughs] I laugh just looking at you.
[laughs] Mr. Shumway, would you be willing to come over and meet my bridge club? They all adore you.
Look, any other time, I would have said "yes." But I have a life now.
[laughs] I love this funny man. Well, would you at least autograph a picture for me?
Brian! I don't do my own autographs. But I will touch the photo. [Brian gives Raquel a photo]
Well, I'd better get back. Thank you, Mr. Shumway.
Yeah. You're welcome. Check her for money and get her out of here.
[laughs] He ad-libbed for me! [laughs] Oh, I hope to see you around. Save me a fur ball. [leaves the house]
Well, I'm off to the track. I thought I'd fritter away some more of my money. [laughs]
But what about the, lifetime achievement award you're being given tonight? Shouldn't you be working on your acceptance speech?
I'll wing it. Oh, and sorry I didn't invite you to the ceremony. But you know why that is.
Because once, we said you weren't funny.
That's right. Now, you know where you belong.
WKWillie and Kate
The attic.
And don't touch my things!
[Willie and Kate head to the attic]
[talking from his dream as he wakes up] I was funny, I was funny, I was funny.
[he and Kate come in the attic] ALF!
Oh, Willie, I had a nightmare. I was a stand up comic and I had to clean up vomit! Listen, I've decided not to be a comedian. I hope you're not too disappointed.
Oh, we dealt with you giving up Dirty Dancing. I think we can deal with this.
Thanks. I just realized I'm too pretty to be funny. I envy you Kate.
You heard me. Breakfast will be ready in 15 minutes. [leaves the attic]
[does do some kung fu moves] Because you must be STARVING, STRAVING! [ALF freaks out] Hurry up because Eric in Charge is on!
No! [wakes up from his real dream] No, no! Whoa! Whew! Well at least Woody Allen liked me. I'm getting out of comedy. Think I'll be a plate spinner. Yeah.
