[she heads in the house after her date ended] ALF, you scared me. What are you doing?
What am I doing? What are you doing? What happened to Randy?
That wasn't Randy, that was someone else.
Yeah. Someone who looks like a certain aging substitute novelist. Who shall remain last-nameless.
Ok, so it was Eddie. He just happened to be at the party, see--
Yeah, yeah, and I just fell off the garbanzo truck. Come on. This is the old ALFer. What gives?
Okay, I haven't really been dating Randy. I've only been tutoring him for an hour in English each night and then going to meet Eddie.
An hour a night? That's barely enough time for Randy to turn his book right side up.
ALF, please, don't tell mom and dad about this yet, ok? I know they'll like Eddie.
They just need some time to adjust. Don't tell them? You want me to lie?
No! No, you don't have to lie. Just don't bring it up. That's not lying.
It's not like I'm never going to tell them. I just, I need to wait for the right moment. You know, like when they're in a really, really good mood.
Yeah, well, let me know when that happens. And I'll tell them about the untimely demise of Kate's porcelain ballerina.
You broke mom's porcelain ballerina?
Yeah. We were dancing the pas de duex from swan lake, and I dropped her in the toilet.
[dressed as bellhop and goes to Lynn's room] Miss Lynn Tanner. Paging Miss Lynn Tanner.
I've just gotta get a message to ya.
I don't want any messages from you.
It's not from me. I'm just the bellhop. [Lynn opens the door] It's from a friend of yours. It's not what you think. I'm really not a fink. You're the last person I'd hurt. I didn't mean to blurt, it out.
I've got a message for my so-called friend. Friends don't rat on friends!
[comes in] Yes, father? Hello, mother.
Lynn, I want you to speak to ALF.
Speak to him or have your telephone privileges taken away.
You want me to speak to him? Fine, I'll speak to him. Have you told mom yet that you broke her ballerina?
That was supposed to be a secret.
My wedding present porcelain ballerina?
Well, you told my secret first.
But that just slipped out.
My original, one of a kind, impossible to duplicate [angrily] PORCELAIN BALLERINA?
Do you know how silly the word "ballerina" sounds when you say it over and over? Ballerina, ballerina, ballerina.
Alright, everyone, stop, cease, desist. I want you to apologize to each other, and I want you to put all of this behind us. Fine. Lynn, go to your room. You, go to the garage.
Kate, I'm sorry I broke your wedding present. I was going to tell you.
I was waiting to see if the marriage would last.
[Brian angrily comes in Lynn's room]
Don't just barge in here! Knock when you come into my room!
[yelling] ALF'S LEAVING BECAUSE OF YOU!
What are you talking about? He can't leave.
He's fixing his spaceship right now.
Don't be such a baby. He's always saying he can't fix that ship.
[yelling] YOU'RE THE BABY! YOU WON'T EVEN TALK TO HIM! WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP?
Brian, wait. [Brian angrily leaves Lynn's room] Don't cry.
