Jemma Simmons quotes from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Simmons

Peggy Carter, founder, happens to be British, held this in her hand!

Simmons

We think Ward's body was possessed, for lack of a better word, by It. The creature.

Simmons

I don't trust the new Director. But he trusts me.

Simmons

I am fresh out of sympathy for liars who kidnapped my friends and replaced them with killer robots.

Simmons

Your planet has 68% of the gravity we generate on this aircraft. While that makes it easier to lift ore out of the ground, it makes your cells gelatinous, your bones porous. Now, I'm no expert in D'Rillian anatomy—when I cut into your corpse, I will be—but I assume enough time under this pressure and either your brain will hemorrhage or the weight of your organs will collapse your lungs.

Simmons

[Recording a message] Fitz, I don't know if you'll ever get this, but the mission hasn't exactly gone as planned. I'm not sure why we lost contact when I rescued the team from Izel's temple, but the drive is malfunctioning, and we may have to abandon the Zephyr in 1983. Yo-Yo might be able to fix it, but if not... It won't be easy, but I know we'll find some way to be together again. Time, space... it's never stopped us before. And I won't stop trying. I love you.

Jemma Simmons

Working up a good sweat there, sir?

Coulson

I don't sweat. I glisten.

Simmons

Blood pressure, heart rate, biochems, all normal. All that’s left is the blood sample.

Coulson

You should know, I’m not a fan of getting poked.

Simmons

Tell me, sir, have you been feeling under the weather lately?

Coulson

Why?

Simmons

I just noticed from your chart that you’re not due for a general physical for another three months.

Coulson

I made a mistake, took a call from my physical therapist. Asked how I was feeling, I said “a little rusty”. Next thing you know I’m wired to this hamster wheel.

Simmons

Well, you can officially tell your physical therapist that you're fit as the proverbial fiddle, especially for a man of your age.

Coulson

A man of my age? That's something you say to an old person.

Simmons

[nervous] Is it? Well, let’s get you some electrolytes, shall we?

Fitz

[Upset] was doing just fine tucked away in a safe, indoor, non-mobile lab at the academy! Then you had to go and drag us into this flying circus! Didn’t even pass our field assessments, for God’s sake!

Simmons

[Also upset] Oh, please, as if I forced you to follow me anywhere.

Fitz

You said, and I quote… [Mocking her voice] “Oh, Fitz, it’s the most perfect opportunity for us to see the world! We’d be fools to pass this one up!”

Simmons

I hate it when you use that voice. That’s not even how I sound. And you were just afraid of going into the field.

Fitz

I was not afraid.

Simmons

And don’t you dare act like these last months haven’t been the highlight of your entire pasty life!

Fitz

Pasty? Oh, really? Well, when did you become so sun kissed? Because I’m pretty sure that every minute of every day you’ve been stuck in a lab right beside me. At the academy, at sci-ops, this plane, you’ve been beside me the whole damn time! [Pause, scared] You have to fix this.

Simmons

Sir, I know the protocol in these circumstances, but could you please tell my dad first? I just think my mum would take it better if it comes from him.

Coulson

We’re not there yet, there’s still time.

Simmons

Sir, please. Would you mind if I had a brief moment alone with Fitz?

May

Come on, let’s go.

Fitz

We’ll try again. The electrostatic pulse from the third rat seemed much less, so we’re making progress. If we can calibrate the antiserum…

Simmons

Antiserum, yes. You finally got it right, Fitz. [Conks him on the head] I’m so sorry.

Simmons

I suppose now's as good a time as any to tell you that I may have misled you earlier. You see, when I gave you back the night-night pistol, I lied. It's still an ounce off.

Ward

I know.

Simmons

You do? Of course.

Ward

After all...[imitating the others imitating him] I'm Agent Grant Ward. I just jumped out of a plane without a parachute on and saved your life!

Simmons

[laughing] Actually, that's not quite it. It's a bit more nasally than that.

Coulson

Let me get that.

Simmons

Oh. Thanks, Dad...who looks far too young to have a daughter my age.

Simmons

[arguing with Coulson, pretending to act as his daughter] All mom ever wanted was your love. To be with you! In our two-story Victorian home in the Cotswolds! But could you even give her a moment, what with your banking job requiring you to travel to the States from Tuesday to Saturday every other week?! No!

[interrupts] I'm terribly sorry about your loss, dear. [turns towards Coulson] As for you, now is your chance to do better. Why don't you see that you take it?

Simmons

Thank you, sir.

Let's go. [the passenger walks away]

Simmons

He's right. You never had time for her, but you made time for your work! And your prostitutes!

Coulson

Prostitutes? Plural?

Simmons

We'd like to send a blood sample of yours to some colleagues to do a molecular breakdown. Maybe if you spoke to Agent Coulson...

Skye

Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. If Coulson thinks it's important that this thing stays between us, then we should trust him, right? He's the boss.

Simmons

So you're saying we should obey the rules?

Fitz

Who are you and what have you done with Skye?

Eric Koenig

What's the difference between an egg and a rock?

May

Edible. Not.

Fitz

Well, that's absurd. The differences are-

Simmons

-innumerable. If you want, I can start listing them but then-

Fitz

-we'll be here all day.

Eric Koenig

You wash up on a deserted island alone. Sitting on the sand is a box. What is in that box?

May

Machete.

Trip

A sat phone so I can call someone to get me off that island.

Fitz

How big is the box?

Eric Koenig

Just say the first answer that comes into your mind. What's in that box?

Fitz

Simmons.

Simmons

That's a hard one. Let me think. The TARDIS.

Skye

I want to say my laptop, fully charged. But I don't want to seem subversive - with the Rising Tide and all...

Eric Koenig

You're over-thinking it.

Skye

The laptop would be stupid, anyway. There's no wi-fi.