Melinda May quotes from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Coulson

We need to root out all the secrets.

May

Agent Ward and I have been having sex.

You a scorpio? I was just wondering why our newest agent paired the two of us together. Must have thought we were compatible in some way.

May

It was random, Blake.

You seem like a scorpio.

May

You don't believe in the Clairvoyant, but you believe in astrology.

I have some theories of my own.

Coulson

Fury sent us these coordinates for a reason.

May

And what reason is that?

Coulson

[Losing control of his rage] I don't know, May! I don't know! There's got to be something here! This means something! This has to mean something! The world needs us! HYDRA is out there! We cannot let them win! We– we cannot let them define us! Do you understand that? We are not agents of nothing! We are agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and that still carries weight! It– It has to carry weight! After everything we've been through, THAT CARRIES WEIGHT!!!!

Eric Koenig

What's the difference between an egg and a rock?

May

Edible. Not.

Fitz

Well, that's absurd. The differences are-

Simmons

-innumerable. If you want, I can start listing them but then-

Fitz

-we'll be here all day.

Eric Koenig

You wash up on a deserted island alone. Sitting on the sand is a box. What is in that box?

May

Machete.

Trip

A sat phone so I can call someone to get me off that island.

Fitz

How big is the box?

Eric Koenig

Just say the first answer that comes into your mind. What's in that box?

Fitz

Simmons.

Simmons

That's a hard one. Let me think. The TARDIS.

Skye

I want to say my laptop, fully charged. But I don't want to seem subversive - with the Rising Tide and all...

Eric Koenig

You're over-thinking it.

Skye

The laptop would be stupid, anyway. There's no wi-fi.

Skye

You know, I never gave you enough credit for this whole zen-warrior thing. But I got to admit, it'd be nice to feel nothing right now.

May

You think I don't feel anything?

Skye

Look at you. You're a statue. And you and Ward had a thing. So if anyone should be furious...

May

I am. I'm furious. But I'm sure as hell not gonna waste it on a tantrum. I'm gonna mine it, save it. And when we find Ward, I'm gonna use every bit of it to take him down.

Skye

Wish I knew how to use that hate-fu.

May

I'm up most mornings at five.

Coulson

Backup isn't coming. It will be just the four of us. We'll be out-manned and outgunned, but Fury always said a man can accomplish anything when he realizes he's a part of something bigger. A team of people that share that conviction can change the world. So what do you say? Are you ready to change the world?

May

No. I'm ready to kick some ass.

Coulson

That works, too.

May

In the field you need to maintain control, whatever the situation: hostages, bombs about to go off.

Skye

So what you're saying is what I just did was puny and sad?

May

61 beats per minute, consistent the whole time. Not that puny. Speaking of not puny... here, I want you to get used to this, it's a sniper rifle.

Hunter

Pardon me, just one quick question, you went to S.H.I.E.L.D. academy, right?

May

You didn't. If you did, you would've known better than to shoot us.

Hunter

Apology number 470: I am very sorry Agent May...

May

Don't be sorry. Just wait.

Uh, we were just having a little wager, so did you...?

Skye

Go to the academy? Yeah, no.

Mack

Alright, well have fun with the inventory and remember: Koenig likes them neat.

Coulson

This is fun, right? Isn't this fun? Look - [Holds up his sleeves] Cufflinks!

May

I will pay you $500 right now for a pair of flats.

Skye

[Hears a noise over the comms] Wait. What was that?

Coulson

Yeah. That's May.

Skye

Is-is she okay? Is everything okay?

Coulson

Yes. She's laughing. I think the worst of it's over now.

May

[Walks up to Coulson] My face hurts.

Coulson

We're blown.

May

Why?

Coulson

No idea. I think Talbot's still pissed 'cause we kidnapped him that time.

Hunter

Bobbi?

Bobbi

Hey, Hunter. Nice suit.

Hunter

"Nice suit"? Really? That's what you're leading with? [pause] What did you do to your hair?

Bobbi

Ever heard of "undercover"?

Hunter

I prefer you blonde.

Bobbi

Well, I didn't do it for you. Two seconds in, there's already a tone.

Hunter

Th-this isn't a tone, this is my speaking voice when I'm upset with an unreasonable person!

Trip

[chuckling, to May] What's the deal there?

May

Hunter ever tell you stories about his she-Devil ex-wife?

Trip

All the time. [He looks at Bobbi. May nods] Damn.

May

"They'll never take us alive!"? Really? A little over the top, don't you think?

Coulson

I only had a day to come up with this whole thing. Besides, if I let you write the script, no one would say anything.

May

Not bad. But once I'm pinned, you should try for a finishing blow.

Skye

You want full Mortal Kombat?

May

I want you to stop holding back, Skye.

Skye

I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to try to hurt you. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of…I don't know.

May

Look... we lost Trip, and it hurts like hell, but you can't shut those feelings out. Can't sustain that.

Skye

What's my option? l just might lose it right here?

May

We've talked about this. Control. Embrace your emotions, your nerves. Use them... on your terms.

Skye

I don't know. What I'm feeling…is pretty dark. I'm afraid I'm gonna go postal and tear your head off.

May

Go for it. I promise you won't.

Sif

Yet you do not serve a king?

May

Not really how it works with us.

Sif

I wonder if I serve the king as the great warrior you say I am.

May

Odin? Oh, we know you do. You've met him.

Sif

Shut... up.