Dana Gibson quotes from According to Jim

Dana

Jim, I'm gonna kill you. Then I'm gonna get off this boat, go to Haiti, learn Voodoo, raise you from the dead, and kill you again!

Jim

Would you mind taking your toothbrush out of my bathroom.

Dana

You didn't use it, did you?

Jim

Not on my teeth.

Jim

Dana, would you tell your sister her ass is not big?

Dana

But you are big, Jim.

Cheryl

Remember when dad took us to see 'The Exorcist'? I still have trouble going to bed sometimes!

Dana

Of course you do, you sleep with Jim!

Dana

You guys are not gonna believe this.

Jim

Not only am I not going to believe it, I won't care.

Jim

Here's a language everybody understands. [Pulls out a bill]

Dana

Is that a one dollar bill Jim?

Jim

Yes. Dana, in their country this can clothe and feed an entire village for a year.

[speaking Japanese] Shinjuku eki-wa doko des-ka. [Where is the train station?] Who can guess what that means?

Dana

I'd like to kill myself.

Silly – no.

Dana

No, I'd like to kill myself.

Jim

[to Cheryl] When I got home from work and you weren't in the kitchen, I feared the worst.

Dana

What, that you'd have to make your own dinner?

Dana

Cheryl, I think he's choking.

Andy

Oh my god, Jim! Jim, are you OK!

Jim! Jim! Jim!