Billie quotes from Accidentally on Purpose

Billie

No. I don't know whether it has something to do with your inner ear or the tide, you even cause chain spilling. [Flashback to a party where Abby caused everybody to spill their drinks]

Billie

This is reality, so you know, I just have to be celibate for 5 years. In 5 years, I'll be 42. So, there's that. [sighs] I'll be 42 years old who hasn't had sex in 5 years, who has a child whose father is still in his 20's and has his life ahead of him. But then, even then, with all my mistakes piling around like empty pizza boxes from last night's depression feast, [points angrily towards Abby] I'll not give you that dress!

Billie

[smirking] My "chick punch".

Billie

[sarcastically] You guys are great.

Billie

I am. What do you want me to do? Help you get her pants off?

Billie

Does it bother this girl at all that I am about to have your baby?

Billie

Glad I could help.

Billie

So, about my Internet date. He is married, and on top of that, his wife is pregnant too, and we have the same doctor and I asked him to leave.

Billie

I know. I was listening. Why didn't you hang up the phone?

Billie

It was a slow night.

Billie

[initially nonplussed at her last sentence, rubs her hand over her belly] I think I have.

Billie

Calm down. What happened?

Billie

You were the one who wanted a relationship! I was happy to just bang her!

Billie

So, basically, I am four times my normal size, my hormones are so out of control, I want to laugh, cry and want to kill someone in same moment and the big change in your life is that you have to pick up "quality girls"?

Billie

Just do what I do with the skirts. Just buy them both and return the one that makes your ass look big.