Abbott Elementary · Season 1
It just seems like most drugs aren't that bad.
Fine, you can smoke a little! Just don't do opioids.
[Everyone shakes their head in disagreement]
My grandfather is on opioids.
Drugs from a doctor are okay.
My mom's on Valtrex.
That's fine, your mom has herpes.
HEY!
Lady, are you high?!
We used to be the Three Musketeers. But now I'm one musketeer, and they're just two, that don't invite me to things.
Ooh, ooh.
Look, guys, I don't know. She just said she's dropping by with a special surprise.
Yeah. Plus this is Philly. I mean, you can't hock a loogie without hitting something historic around here.
I just don't feel good about you giving out your address to strangers online. It's not safe.
You and Jacob living together is I know it's God's will, but he's gotten awfully creative.
Give me the ball. Three, four, five. And shoot!
Alright. Well, uh, that's gonna bring Abbott's score to a negative-2 at the bottom of the first, y'all. Educator of the year, folks. Ugh. We are not just losing. We are getting smoked. You cannot lose a panel. This is like every other panel that's ever existed.
As you all know, my fellowship at the district is coming to an end.
Ooh, girl, don't remind me. My doomsday countdown clock is set to the day that you're back.
Stop.
You know, we make a really good team.
Yeah, we do.
We all know the real reason you came back is to see Questlove.
Ava, Questlove is not coming here.
Ava Fest, on the other hand, is going to be special. I just have to come up with a way to take it over the top. A way to make it unhinged.
Have you ever tried just being hinged?
There will be cake, there will be fun.
There will be blood oaths!
I have an exciting announcement, Abbott. Today is the long-anticipated return of one of our faves, cinnamon buns in the cafeteria.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Abbott Elementary pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
