Eric quotes from 7th Heaven

Mary

Look, I know no one wants to hear this, but I have to say something. Last night I saw Nicole in our bathroom cutting herself with a razor.

Lucy

It makes no sense. I don't understand why Nicole would cut herself, why anyone would.

Eric

Well, a lot of girls do it. In fact, some experts believe that cutting or self-mutilation is the fastest growing problem with teenage girls outside of eating disorders.

Lucy

If that's true, why haven't I heard of it?

Eric

No one talks about it much.

Lucy

That maybe true with other people, but Nicole is my best friend. If she were doing this, I'd be the first to know.

Eric

There's a lot of shame that goes with cutting and Nicole wouldn't necessarily tell you or anyone else 'cause she's probably embarrassed that she does it.

Lucy

Well, if she's embarrassed about it why doesn't she stop?

Eric

It's not that simple. See, sometimes when a person can't handle whatever emotional pain they're in, they cause physical pain to themselves. They'll take a razor or a knife or a pen and make little cuts that they can hide. And when you want to quit something like that, you have to find out what's causing the pain that's making you hurt yourself or you're never going to be able to stop doing the destructive behavior.

Lucy

I'm so sorry, Dad.

Eric

For what?

Lucy

I'm sorry you have such a dunce for a daughter. I'm so stupid about biology and Nicole.

Eric

I never want to hear you call yourself stupid again. You're not. Biology is tough and nobody knew about Nicole, not even her parents at first. So no blaming yourself for that either. I can't go to biology with you but, uh, if you need a substitute best friend, I'm always here.

I have to follow procedure. I have to call in the parents, have a meeting with them, send the kid to a counselor. They have to recommend that he see a therapist or I have to risk losing my tenure and retirement. And that may not sound like much, but I have a family too.

Eric

But what about tomorrow? What if he comes to school with a gun tomorrow?

I agree that Simon and Deena should stay home from school until I get some answers.

Eric

Well, thanks for your help.

Martin, I had your son's locker opened this morning.

What?

I had reason to believe he might have a weapon.

And did he? No.

His locker looks like an altar to violence. There are pictures of people torturing animals. A stack of gun ads. CDs of an extremely sexual and violent nature. Comic books along the same themes. My guess is, his room looks the same way.

So what if it does? He's a teenage boy.

Eric

He's a teenage boy who pointed his finger at my son's head and mentioned the exact gun he would use on him. [to Vice Principal Blackstone] I'm sorry. You asked me to let you handle this. [to Mr. Morton] And I can't help but notice that he threatened my son with the exact same gun that you own.

I have a license for that gun.

Eric

I don't care if you have a license for that gun. Licensed or unlicensed, your son has access to it, and I... you seem to be in complete denial of any possibility that something could go terribly wrong here.

I know my son, okay? My son would never shoot anyone.

Sergeant Michaels

At the very least, until this situation is resolved, you might wanna take the gun out of the house.

The gun is for our protection.

Sergeant Michaels

Did you know that people who keep a gun at home for self-protection are 43 times more likely to kill themselves, a family member or an acquaintance than to be killed by an armed intruder?

Do you know that guns don't kill people? People kill people.

Eric

People with guns kill people!

Gentlemen...

Eric

No, is it too much to ask this man to admit that his son has a problem and take some action?

Oh, I'm gonna take action, all right. I'm not gonna be forced to give up my right to bear arms. I'm not gonna have my back pushed against the wall by some lame assistant principal and a minister who's got friends in the police department. What I am gonna do is call the school board and the chief of police, because this is harassment. Furthermore, I'm gonna take my son out of this school. I'm gonna put him in a private school where he won't be treated like some common criminal. The public school system has failed my son and failed my family. And if this is what I get for my tax dollars, then forget it! [to Johnny] Come on, son, we're done here.

Will the minor please rise? Johnny, I've gone over your record very carefully, as well as the psychological evaluation that was provided to me. And I had to consider that this was not your first offence, that you did admit to stalking the Reverend with an intent to kill him, and to date, you have shown no remorse. Now, this is not to say that I have no hope of your ever changing, because I do. We have successfully rehabilitated young men and women just like yourself, and I intend to follow your case very closely. But today, Johnny, based upon the information gathered, as well as my own conversations with you and your parents, I feel I have no choice but to relinquish you to the State Youth Authority, where you will remain under their care until you're 25 years old, which is the maximum penalty I am allowed to assign a 12-year-old. This concludes this hearing. Court is recessed.

Don't let them take me! Please! Don't let them take me! I wanna go home! I wanna go home!

Eric

Amen.

Eric

What are you doing with this stuff?

Matt

A friend at school gave gave 'em to me. Their just natural energy boosters made from herbs or something.

Eric

Not everything that is natural is good for you. Cocaine is extracted from the cope of plant. Heroine and Morphine come from natural plants and extracts. Natural doesn't always mean good!

Matt

Dad, calm down, okay. Check the bottle, it's sealed. I didn't take any. I was just looking for a way to keep awake so I could keep studying.

Eric

Oh, you'll stay awake because the main ingredient in these pills is Ephedrine which is just a chemical process away from being Methamphetamine.

Matt

Wait I don't get it, I mean the guy who gave these pills bought them from a health-food store. I mean if this stuff is so dangerous then why is it not illegal.

Eric

Because Ephedrine is classified as a food not a drug, so it's not regulated the way it should be. Ephedrine-based supplements are illegal in 13 states. You know that it took to make them illegal? People died. (Mary enters the room)

Eric

What's wrong?

Mary

I took those pills.

Eric

You took these pills?

Mary

No, I didn't get the pills from Matt, I got them from Diane who gets them from her father. I thought everyone was taking them.

Eric

I think I better talk to Diane's father. Throw them out.

Matt

Gladly.

Lucy

Romeo and Juliet were only 14, you know.

Eric

Did you read the entire play? Romeo and Juliet committed suicide!

Eric

You know, I don't want to sound judgmental, but there really is nothing good to be said about teenage pregnancy. They're just not old enough.

Annie

We are so lucky with Mary, Lucy and Matt.

Eric

You ready to go?

Lucy

Yeah. I've been on the phone all day. I called every person in this church directory announcing that I will be holding these stupid auditions.

Eric

Oh my, and I know how you hate using the phone. You know I'll drop you off on my errand and come back by the church and help you.

Lucy

Thanks for the offer, but I doubt there's going to be a long line for free work.

Eric

Oh, I think you might be surprised.

Lucy

I'll probably just be sitting there all afternoon staring at the rec room walls.

Eric

Take your shoe shine kit, it'll give you something to do.

Lucy

Yeah, Merry Christmas to you, too. It's not funny.

Eric

Yes, it is.

Eric

Our kids are bad liars.

Annie

Really bad liars, every last one of them.

Eric

Does whatever is going on with Julie have something to do with your not wanting me anywhere near you today?

Annie

No. Don't be ridiculous.

Eric

I'm sorry I just couldn't help but notice that you're a little less…friendly than you were yesterday.

Annie

There's no reason. Just like there's no reason that Ruthie keeps getting in trouble with the phone, there's no reason Lucy cries well and Mary doesn't, there's no reason that one child is sick and the other isn't, there's no reason that your sister is an alcoholic and you're not. It's just what is. I was quoting from one of your sermons.

Eric

Getting ready for the babies is kind of exciting, but it's scary too. Don't you think? Having two new people in the family will be a pretty big change. It's just been the seven of us for a while. Concerns? Thoughts? Fears? Anybody?

Matt

We know the drill, Dad. Two of you will leave for the hospital, and four of you will come home.

Simon

We've done this before.

Ruthie

I haven't, but I can follow along.

Eric

So the baby shower was fun?

Annie

Well, it didn't require police involvement but that is as much as I'm going to commit to.

Eric

I'm excited... but I'm also a little worried about these babies. I'm worried that... we don't make enough, we don't have the space enough, time enough...

Annie

I know. We have this conversation before every trip to the hospital.

Eric

We do?

Annie

Yeah. And afterwards, we share an inseparable bond that only this kind of anxiety can produce. It's our routine. Things are going to be really different but I'm always going to love you. That'll never change.

Eric

And you will always be everything I love and want to be when I grow up. But after a day like today, I..I..I worry about bringing new souls into this world at this time.

Annie

I'm not worried. Their brothers and sisters will make a difference. They'll make it better, and so will they.

It's just not like our son to do something like this.

Well, he's actually my stepson, but, you know, I feel like I gave birth to him. But I don't love what he's doing

He's letting his grades drop, cutting class... caught him hitchhiking the other day. Hitchhiking!

Eric

Well, I'm sure that...

We don't know where he goes. We don't know who his friends are anymore.

We thought you might have better insight into this than we do, you have experience.

You know our son as well as we do. Probably better.

Eric

I'm sorry. I have to apologize. I have two new babies at the house and my mind's just a blur. I-I'm sure I should know who you are, even if you're new to the church, but...

It's our fault. We were in such a hurry, I... I guess we just assumed...

We don't even go to your church.

Eric

Lou? Anything the matter?

Lou

No, no. I just didn't realize you were back from maternity leave.

Eric

Sorry to intrude.

Lou

Please forgive me.

Eric

Oh, he's one of our deacons who, uh, has his own office, but, anyway... I think you were about to introduce yourselves.

I'm sorry. I'm Norma and this is Fred Moon.

Eric

Moon? Your son is Jimmy Moon?

That's right. Lucy's old boyfriend. We really need your help.

We think Jimmy's doing drugs.

Matt

I joined the army.

Eric

The United States army?

Annie

Yes, the United States army. The one with the guns and the wars!

Eric

Did they tell you you'll have to cut your hair?

Annie

Did they tell you those are real guns with real bullets, and you can get yourself shipped off to God knows where, and for what? Just to get your college education paid for?

Eric

[pause] How much would he get?

Matt

Well, I'm planning on four years. I'm gonna train as a pilot and they'll give me $50,000, and I'll be able to get a job as soon I get out.

Eric

Wow. 50 G's and a job?

Annie

Bullets! Very fast bullets coming at our son!

Eric

Do you find find it odd that God talked to him and told him to come see me?

Simon

No. You do a pretty good job most of the time. Why wouldn't God recommend you?