Eric quotes from 7th Heaven

Reverend, do you think dogs go to Heaven?

Eric

It may be debated in religious circles, but there's no debate in my heart. I know dogs go to Heaven.

Annie

Stage fright?

Eric

I'm not nervous about marrying Heather and Mason. I'm nervous about how Matt's dealing with Heather's impending wedding.

Annie

It's funny. I always thought Matt and Heather would end up together.

Eric

So if there's anyone present who does not think these two should not wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace.

Matt

Don't do it. Heather, don't do it!

[to Mason] I'm sorry. [runs away with Matt from the altar]

Julie

We have an announcement.

Hank

Julie and I are going to get married and we don't want to wait.

Annie

Do you know that it was this time last year that I told you there were going to be two new Camdens.

Eric

Not again!

Annie

I'm not pregnant. If I were, the Zero Population Control people would come and take us away.

Eric

So instead of two new Camdens, there's going to be one new Hastings.

Annie

What's the matter? Eric!

Eric

I think I'm having a... heart attack.

Eric

Life is beautiful. [walks away]

Annie

Ah, it is. It is. It is.

Matt

Too beautiful?

Annie

Just a smidge.

Annie

A group called the Talibans is in power in Afghanistan. The atrocities they're commiting against women in the name of religion are shocking. I don't know whether to be angry of what Afghan women don't have or grateful for what I do.

Eric

There's no reason why you can't be both.

Eric

This is the most important thing you have to do before your wedding. There's still a lot of issues left to resolve before you two stand in front of your families and friends and promise to be together for the rest of you lives.

After we're married, we'll have the rest of our lives to talk about these things. I don't mean to be insensitive here, but it's not our fault you had a heart attack which forced us to push these counseling sessions up to just before the wedding.

Eric

We haven't even discussed the vows.

Love, honor and obey. What's to discuss?

Eric

Well, for one thing there's that pesky word, "obey." Jump on in here anytime you want, Jessica. (looks at Jessica for her opinion.)

You know, like you said, a husband has to be responsible for providing for the family.

Eric

Uh, I believe I said "parents." Parents or a parent as the case may be has to be responsible for providing for the family. Of course, those responsibilities can be divided up in any number of ways depending on the couple doing the dividing wants.

Jessica will be responsible for cooking and cleaning and laundry and childcare. And I will be responsible for bringing home a paycheck, deciding how that money is spent and when it's time for us to have children. These are pretty traditional division of responsibilities, not much different from the way you and Annie do things.

Eric

You think that's what Annie and I do? (Ryan agrees.) Okay, I have to admit that the division of labor has been a little off lately, but that's because of my heart attack. When I was in- when I get back to fighting form, Annie and I have one philosophy: Do whatever is necessary, whenever necessary and whenever amicable to whomever necessary.

Eric

We haven't seen you around. What, did you finally buy some groceries?

Matt

No, I've been bust deciding what I'm gonna be when I grow up.

Eric

Picking a major?

Matt

Yup. Pre-med. I'm gonna to be a doctor.

Ruthie

So, what kind of fun stuff do we have planned for tomorrow?

Annie

[to Eric] Teacher Work Day. No school for Ruthie.

Ruthie

Yes!

Annie

Okay, let's see. Tomorrow, you can help me clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, repair the kitchen sink, iron the socks, reorganize the linen closet, and go shopping.

Ruthie

Toy shopping?

Annie

Food shopping.

Ruthie

Man, this is gonna be worse than school!

Annie

[when Eric gives her a funny look] What?

Eric

It is going to be worse than school.

Eric

Look, I'm the minister at the Glenoak Community Church. And if there's a problem, I can help, I can...

No, thank you, but I think you should mind your own business.

Eric

When your son brought drugs into my house it became my business.

[to Jeff)] I should have kicked you out. I should have told you that if you did drugs, you couldn't live with me, but I thought turning my back on my son made me a bad mother. But I was wrong. It made me a bad grandmother. Look, if you won't straighten up for me, do it for Lee. He's your son! You need to act like his father, and if you don't make me a promise, right that you will take the steps to clean up your life, then I will take custody of Lee, and you'll never see us again. And I don't want to do that. I just can't sit by and watch my grandson turn to drugs, the way my son did.

Eric

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I think it's the hardest step, too.

I'll be there for you every step of the way, and as long as you're clean and sober, you can live with me. But you've got to get a job. You've got to start contributing to the household.

I just...I don't know if I can do it.

Dad, please. I already lost a mom. I don't want to lose you, too. I love you.

Eric

I am strong. I am strong. I am capable of handling anything.

Julie

I'm leaving my husband! We tried, but it's over.

Eric

I am strong. I am calm. I am capable of handing anything.

Julie

Great. Are you capable of carrying my suitcase!?

Eric

What happened?

Julie

I'm not having a baby with that man. I refuse. No one can make me. No one.

Eric

I don't understand. I thought you and Hank were happy.

Julie

The marriage was a big mistake. Big mistake... (looks at Eric) It's all your fault! You know how I am. If someone tells me to go left, I go right. If they tell me to jump up, I sit down. If you hadn't disliked that man so much, I never would've married him!

Julie

My back is killing me!

Annie

What's wrong?

Julie

I don't feel so good. And I have this cramping thing. May be it's an upset stomach...

Annie

I think you may be in labor.

Julie

That's impossible. I'm only 8 months pregnant. Besides, I can't be in labor 'cause I'm not going to have a baby with that man!

Mary

(hesitantly) Yeah.

Eric

Well, then, for now, I support this lock-out.

Mary

What?

Annie

I'm sorry, kiddo, but your coach didn't screw up. You did.