Andy quotes from 2 Broke Girls

Caroline

[seeing the blood spatter on the walls of the soup kitchen] Oh, my God!

Andy

Oh, that's really gross!

Max

That's the greatest thing I've ever seen! Take a picture of me over here. I finally have a reason to join Instagram! People are gonna be like, "Food, food, cat, food, nails, nails, murder?!"

Andy

I came here to tell Caroline something kind of big.

Max

What? You have a secret family on Long Island?

Andy

No.

Max

You have hep C? D? One of the new heps?

Andy

No. I don't have any of the heps. Wow. Now, telling her I'm in love with her is just gonna sound boring.

Max

You're gonna tell her you love her?! Here in the diner?! [...] Andy, this isn't where you tell someone "I love you," this is where you tell someone their sex change looks passable.

Caroline

[brings Andy a birthday cupcake with a candle atop it] Happy birthday! Now come on, blow.

Andy

I don't really feel like doing that.

Max

Welcome to our world.

Andy

[after Caroline shows him a picture of her vagina on her phone] I thought it was annoying when people took pictures of their food.

Caroline

When were you gonna tell me, Andy? When my vagina burst into flames and became an actual burning bush?

Andy

Wait, that's yours?!

Max

Worst selfie ever, right?

Andy

Wow, I didn't recognize it. Was it out in the sun?

Caroline

You owe me $250 for the blood test, Andy.

Max

And $9 for that drink. Look, everybody just calm down. Andy, you may or may not have given her herpes. She may or may not be overreacting. I may or may not have slept with that bartender. He is my type, and yet, he has a job, so he's not. And he... goes in the "Maybes."