You Can't Do That on Television quotes
0 total quotes[An Opposite Sketch. Kevin and Lisa are watching TV in the bedroom, and there are some near-erotic sounds coming from the TV, in Kevin and Lisa's voices: "Oh, Kevin!" "Oh, Lisa!" Suddenly there's a knock at the door]
Lisa: Uh oh...
Mrs. Prevert: Lisa, have you got that television set on in there?!
Lisa: Uh, no Mom!
Mrs. Prevert: Well then, what's going on in there? I heard voices.
Lisa: I've got a boy in here with me!
Mrs. Prevert: Well, that's okay then. Just don't let me catch you with that television set on.
Lisa: Right, Mom! [To Kevin] We've got her mad now; I guess we'd better turn it off!
Kevin: Just as it was getting interesting!
Lisa: What do we do now?
Kevin: Got any cards?
Lisa: Uh oh...
Mrs. Prevert: Lisa, have you got that television set on in there?!
Lisa: Uh, no Mom!
Mrs. Prevert: Well then, what's going on in there? I heard voices.
Lisa: I've got a boy in here with me!
Mrs. Prevert: Well, that's okay then. Just don't let me catch you with that television set on.
Lisa: Right, Mom! [To Kevin] We've got her mad now; I guess we'd better turn it off!
Kevin: Just as it was getting interesting!
Lisa: What do we do now?
Kevin: Got any cards?
[Doug enters the living room wearing a kilt]
Mr. Prevert: Ha! When I was your age, I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing a skirt!
Doug: It's not a skirt, it's a kilt. And when you were my age, probably all you had to wear was dinosaur skins.
Mr. Prevert: Actually, they were saber-toothed tiger skins. Dinosaur skins went out with the caveman.
Mr. Prevert: Ha! When I was your age, I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing a skirt!
Doug: It's not a skirt, it's a kilt. And when you were my age, probably all you had to wear was dinosaur skins.
Mr. Prevert: Actually, they were saber-toothed tiger skins. Dinosaur skins went out with the caveman.
[opposite skit]
Mr. Schidtler: Class, CLASS!! Can you please pay attention? Does anybody here have any idea why inte--- "Inestine" was regarded as a great scientist? Kevin?
Kevin: Oh, uh, I don't know. [braces for the green slime, but nothing happens]
Mr. Schidtler: Christine?
Christine: I don't know. [she also braces for the slime, which again fails to fall]
Mr. Schidtler: Lisa?
Lisa: [excitedly] Oh! Yes sir, I know!
[Lisa is slimed]
Lisa: Wait a second! Wait, wait wait. That's only supposed to happen when people say "I don't know."
Christine: Ah, but Lisa, you forget. This is an opposite skit.
Mr. Schidtler: Class, CLASS!! Can you please pay attention? Does anybody here have any idea why inte--- "Inestine" was regarded as a great scientist? Kevin?
Kevin: Oh, uh, I don't know. [braces for the green slime, but nothing happens]
Mr. Schidtler: Christine?
Christine: I don't know. [she also braces for the slime, which again fails to fall]
Mr. Schidtler: Lisa?
Lisa: [excitedly] Oh! Yes sir, I know!
[Lisa is slimed]
Lisa: Wait a second! Wait, wait wait. That's only supposed to happen when people say "I don't know."
Christine: Ah, but Lisa, you forget. This is an opposite skit.
[Two Boy Scouts are sitting on a house's front porch with a case of bottled beer
Boy Scouts: [Singing with drunk voices] Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer...
Scoutmaster: [Blows whistle] Empty bottles! You were supposed to collect empty bottles!
Boy Scout: [in a drunk voice] We've been emptying them.... [Belch]
Boy Scouts: [Singing with drunk voices] Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer...
Scoutmaster: [Blows whistle] Empty bottles! You were supposed to collect empty bottles!
Boy Scout: [in a drunk voice] We've been emptying them.... [Belch]