“Addictions” quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

My mother is always complaining about the mess in my room. I mean, she even has the nerve to say that I'm addicted to making a mess. I have to tell her, "No, Mom, I'm actually addicted to tidiness, but I'm doing a very good job of overcoming that addiction."

Kevin, I must say I'm impressed with the way that you've changed for the better in your attitude toward your schoolwork lately. All the time you're bent over stacks of paper, scribbling away with your pencil, and I must say I am pleased.

Excuse me, sir?

Hmm? Yes, yes, Kevin?

Could you tell me a nine-letter word that starts with "D" that means "to be kept against one's will"?

Well... wait a minute! You mean to tell me you've been doing crossword puzzles all this time?!!

Yes, sir. I'm sort of addicted to them, sir.

I see. Oh - wait a minute. Maybe I can help you with that nine-letter word - yes, and maybe I can even let you experience it. How about [writing on the blackboard] "D-E-T-I-N-S-H-O-N" - "detention"! And you can start by writing it 5,000 times!

That way or the right way, sir?

[after the closing credits roll, over a shot of Lisa, Christine and Kevin being gobbled up by a Pac-Man] You Can't Do That On Television has been an Eat 'Em Up Production. [The Pac-Man belches]

[holding up a video game cartridge] Now this is the ultimate video cartridge. It lets you play with your favorite TV program and do what you've always wanted to do. Like, you could shoot down all those stupid little Smurfs, or you could make The Dukes of Hazzard get into a 20-car collision, or you could sink The Love Boat; think of it - you could commit arson...

[voiceover, over "THE END" screen] Okay, which one of you guys out there has one of these cartridges? Aw, c'mon, you guys, I didn't think they were on the market yet! Okay, a joke's a joke, but, let's get back to the show now. Okay, it was funny at first, but... [screen fades out]

(watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show) When is Julie Andrews coming on?