“Books and Reading” quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

"Reading Rambo" will not be seen at this time because Rambo can't read. Instead, we bring you the following illiterate show.

Mom! What are you doing?

Oh, hello Adam. I was just washing some dirty books I found in your father's closet.

Mom, you're ruining them!

(faking concern) Oh, am I, dear?

You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? I'm going to go tell Dad.

That's a good idea, dear. While you're at it, why don't you tell him that I just finished washing the dirty books I found in your closet. Your father would probably be very pleased to know that you have similar tastes in literature.

...Okay, maybe I won't then.

Wise move.

Mother, you CAN'T do this to me!

Oh yes I can, Matthew. I read all about it in the National Scab. It said that through technological advances, mothers can now actually pick the sex of their children! And Matthew, I always wanted you to be a girl.

But Mother, that is for mothers who are GOING to have children! Did you read all of the article?

Well, no, Matthew. The checkout line at the supermarket was moving so fast, I would have had to pay for the magazine if I wanted to read the whole thing.