JJake
Let me relay a little story to you, so maybe you'll understand exactly where I'm coming from. Once upon a time, there was a little rabbit hopping down the trail. And he looks out on the roadway, and a snake had been crushed by a car. Nearly dead, but not quite. And the rabbit hopped out, and he looked down at the snake, and he said, "Snake, I know you're hurt badly, and I'm gonna take you back to my den and help you, and I'm gonna nurse you back to health."
And the snake said, "oh, no, you can't do that. I'm a snake. I'm a snake, you can't do that."
"No, but I'm gonna make you my friend, Mr. Snake." So he did. And he carried that snake back to his den. He put him in his den, and slowly, but surely, he did nurse him back to health, just like the rabbit said he would. Then one day, the rabbit went out for a walk, for a little more water for the snake. He came back, the snake was gone. He turned around, and there was the snake in front of him! And the snake said, "Mr. Rabbit, I am going to eat you."
And the rabbit said, "oh, no, I'm your friend."
And the snake said, "in the very beginning, I told you I was a snake." And you, Ultimate Warrior, have to be the biggest, dumbest rabbit I've ever seen!
[Jake "the Snake" Roberts is a guest on the Funeral Parlor.]
JJake
When Damian was taken from me from [sic] the Earthquake, yes, I felt Death's ugly hand reach down and grab part of my soul. But that's a price the Earthquake must pay. But should Death ever come looking for me and knock upon my door, Mr. Paul Bearer, I will jerk that door open, look into his eyes, and I will spit in it, because I have something that rests upon my shoulder that will not let me fear Death.
Oh, Mr. Roberts, you're talking about your snake, aren't you?
JJake
No. I'm talking about Lucifer himself, the same one that rests upon your shoulder.
Oh, I've always had my suspicions about you. But you know and I know that every man, on his final walk to his resting place, must face the Undertaker. Even you, Jake Roberts.
JJake
The way I see it, the Undertaker, at this moment, has his hands very full.
Oh, but if you're talking about the Ultimate Warrior, that's no problem at all. We're just stringing him along 'til it's time to drop him in his final resting place.
JJake
Let me ask you this. How would you feel, and how would the Undertaker feel, if I shared the secrets of the darkness, and I shared the secrets of this cold, black heart, and the secrets of the Undertaker himself, with the Ultimate Warrior?
[scared] No, no, Mr. Roberts, you can't do that. You can't do that. Would you?
JJake
Would I? Yes, I would. And all that the Ultimate Warrior must do to understand the darkness and the cold, is to release, release all those fears of death. And secondly, he must do something that neither you or the Undertaker could ever do. And that's simply...trust me. Trust me, Warrior.
[Jake "the Snake" Roberts is a guest on the Funeral Parlor.]
Oh, Mr. Roberts, I've always had my suspicions about you, but now I realize we've been on the same side all along.
JJake
[wearing a black leather glove on one hand holding a cobra, periodically smacking it with the other] You know, Paul Bearer, life is tough, man. When you head down that long road, you gotta make a choice when you get to the fork in that road—whether you go the right way, or you go the other way, it's up to you. Well, I made that choice a long time ago, and I went the other way—my way. I can create my own rules, I can live life the way I want to.
Now, for those kids sitting at home listening to your mother and your father tell you, all you got to do is eat your vitamins and grow up and have children and live happily ever after, it's a lie. It's a lie. 'Cause what you've got to do is, every time you make a choice, it can be right or it can be wrong. What was the noise in the closet that night? What was that? What was that you heard behind you in that dark alley? Huh, was it me? What about when you put your feet off the bed? What was it? Did something grab a hold of ya? Remember that every time you turn your back, it can be someone just like me, waiting for you.
Now, you're wondering, why the glove? The glove will become a big part of me. When you carry a cobra, you have to be protected at all times. So whenever I step in that ring, this cobra will be in that corner, and so will this glove so I can handle it. So whoever I step into that squared circle with, you must remember that when you play with a snake, you can be bitten. And once bitten, I have proven it, you are no more.
So now, let's get to the real truth of the matter, and the truth is, Sid Justice, who the hell do you think you are?! Don't make the mistake of stepping into the ring with a snake, because if you do, you will be bitten like all the rest. And once bitten, once again I say, you are no more. I will wear the glove to protect me, Sid Justice. What on God's green earth will protect you?