WWE SmackDown! Season 1 quotes

You're looking at a man, and you're looking at a family who finally has some peace in their lives. I suck? No I don't suck. I'm a Guerrero, and Guerreros don't suck. We finally have peace in our lives, because Rey Mysterio is no longer around. And he's no longer around because I, I put an end to his career, and not only did I put an end to his career, I crushed his leg, and I made him say "I quit". And I wanna see him say "I quit" again. Roll footage from last SmackDown!. [footage from the previous week's SmackDown! is shown featuring Chavo Guerrero attacking Rey Mysterio's knee in an "I Quit" match, forcing Mysterio to say "I quit" and lose the match]

Michael Cole

Well, this is last week on Friday Night SmackDown!, a number of times, Chavo driving that steel chair, the punishment continues.

Listen to him scream. Listen to this.

You can boo all you want, 'cause you're exactly like Rey Mysterio. Selfish. Because none of you wanted my family to move on with their lives. Well we're moving on, and we're moving on because of this. [the footage is again played] Rey Mysterio was, was trying to steal the Guerrero name. Trying to make a career out of the Guerrero legacy. That's why I had to do this. [the footage plays once again] I have watched that all day long, because that was the exact moment that my family became hopeful again. Again. [the footage is played again] Again! [this time, Chris Benoit's music hits and Chris Benoit comes out]

Cole

Well ladies and gentlemen, Chris Benoit putting an end to a, to a very disturbing sequence. Chris Benoit making his way to the ring, and speculation it may be, JBL, but I believe that man, Chris Benoit, well he wants some uh, answers to his questions. Questions he asked that posed to Vickie earlier tonight.

What kind of book was that when Vickie Guerrero walked off Chris Benoit and just left him hanging there? [Chavo and Vickie Guerrero leave the ring]

Cole

That's what they're doing now. I mean they're doing it again. They're ignoring Chris Benoit. They're not even looking at Benoit. Chavo and Vickie in no hurry to give Chris Benoit answers tonight. The audacity of these two. Don't you think Chris Benoit deserves some sort of explanation?

No. It was a decimation of the brand. This was between Chavo and Rey, that's it. Benoit needs to butt out.

Five days ago at Armageddon, I was appalled, horrified at what transpired in front of me. Teddy Long, for his own amusement, for his entertainment, brought back a match that had been dormant for seven and a half years. An inferno match. There is a reason we don't have inferno matches for the last seven and a half years. You see, it looks really good on paper. Somebody gets burned. Until you realize somebody gets burned. A human being was set on fire at Armageddon. Where pictures in the Bible describe Hell as human flesh burning and people screaming in pain. That is what happened. Hell was brought to MVP at Armageddon, and every single bit of it was Teddy Long's fault. This is what Teddy Long did to MVP. [clips from the inferno match between Kane and MVP at Armageddon are shown] Look at this. He put him in the ring with a monster, Kane, and Kane set him on fire. That folks, is not entertainment. That is a human being burning! That is flesh rotting and burning off a human corpse! Right next to me, MVP comes. I can smell the flesh of a human being burning. Something I will never forget to the day that I die was that I watched a human being and thankfully, mercifully, they put him out. And Teddy, you call this entertainment? I call it garbage. So I'll tell you what, Theodore Long, you come down here right now. I don't demand your censure, I think you should be fired, but tonight, you come down here and you apologize to me, you apologize to SmackDown!, and you damn sure come down here and apologize to MVP, because MVP can't be here right now because he's lying in a burn unit! Come on out Teddy! [nothing happens] Teddy, I have a list of lawyers in arm law. You will be sued. You come down here right now. Do you hear me?! [nothing happens] Okay. If you won't come down, Teddy, then let's talk about the people that are really responsible. [points to the fans] You. And you. Each and every one of you and you cheer. You don't cheer because a guy gave his life for you in this ring. It's not enough that you pay your money and somebody spend, spends 200 days away from his family each year! It's not enough! Somebody gives his health to this very ring! I'm not in this ring because I broke my back, and that's enough for you sick people! You got to see a head broken open by a chair. You got to see somebody fall off a building. You got to see somebody caught on fire. You people are responsible and it disgusts me! Rome did not fall because of the gladiators in the Colosseum. Rome fell because of the sick people in the stands. Now think about this, you people wish for one instance in your life. You were like MVP and somebody would pay to see you. Well in your miserable life, there's not a soul alive that would pay to see one of you sons of bitches do anything! And if America, this great country goes down, it won't be because of what's good. It won't be because of great warriors. It will be because of people like you! You sick human beings! You have embarrassed yourself, you have embarrassed me. And take a lot at the person next to ya. You have embarrassed this country. You people make me sick.

Batista

Last week, I explained what I did at No Way Out. And I, I really just wanted to make the point that I am here to compete. When The Undertaker chose me as his WrestleMania opponent, I was honored. It's gonna be a privilege to share the ring with the Deadman. I was honored. I, I was honored. I know why he chose me. The Undertaker, he's a competitor. He's a fighter. He's proud. He brings it. He comes to compete. And he chose me. He doesn't wanna be in there with a pushover, he doesn't want an easy match. He chose me. Then, he chokeslammed me. The point is, I am here to compete. Now we both know where we stand. Now we know it's gonna be war. Now we know at WrestleMania 23, Batista versus The Undertaker is gonna get ugly. I can say this without a doubt, it's gonna be the match of my career. But I wanna say this, I wanna stress this. I have nothing but the utmost respect for The Undertaker. But I will not be intimidated. Therefore, at WrestleMania, [The Undertaker's gong sounds and a graveyard is shown]

The Undertaker

Batista, it's time to take you on a journey. A trip back to the old school. You say you're not intimidated? We'll see. For everyone else, WrestleMania will be heaven on Earth. For you Batista, it will be Hell. And there will be hell to pay. Without death, there cannot be life. [The Undertaker emerges from the graveyard] So all things must die. [Undertaker fills an empty grave with dirt] Batista, at WrestleMania, your reign as champion will rest in peace.

Vince McMahon

On a recent edition of Raw, the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, the facts of this horrific tragedy involving Chris Benoit were not known at the time. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit's name in this program. On the contrary, this show is dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This marks the first step of the healing process whereby WWE performers will now do what they do better than anyone else in the world: entertain you.

Batista

Yeah! Hell yeah! Oh, you have no, no idea how good I feel. I'm all dressed up, got my new suit on, got my new shoes on, bam! I'm in Hotlanta! And I am once again the World Heavyweight Champion! Yes! This Sunday, at Unforgiven, I was fortunate enough to overcome the former, let me say that again, the former World Heavyweight Champion, The Great Khali, and my good friend, a man who I respect very much and I was proud and privileged to compete against, Mr. 619, Rey Mysterio. Yes sir. Yes sir. Rey, you're my brother, I love you, and you will be World Heavyweight Champion again. I know it in my heart. But for right now, for me, The Great Khali will exercise the rematch clause in his contract. So as it stands, it will be The Great Khali versus Batista at No Mercy. In what he calls a Punjabi Prison match. [Mark Henry's music hits]

Michael Cole

Well ladies and gentlemen, the self-proclaimed silverback, the world's strongest man, Mark Henry, who John, Sunday at Unforgiven, gave the returning Undertaker a hell of a physical battle. But what brings him out to confront The Animal tonight?

Mark Henry said he's gonna do whatever he wants, and nobody can do anything about it. I think that's what brings Mark Henry out. He's the king of the jungle, Michael. Mark Henry does whatever he wants.

Batista, I can care less about this celebration of yours. I can care less about your Punjabi Prison match that you're gonna have with The Great Khali at No Mercy. But what I do care about, is next week. The Undertaker returns to SmackDown! in a match against me. The World's Strongest Man. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna end The Undertaker's illustrious career. Come to think of it, I might need a little warmup for The Undertaker next week. And don't worry, don't worry. I won't even take a shot at your precious new title. Because all these people know, and deep in your heart, you know, that if I want that belt, I'll take it whenever I want it.

Batista

Mark Henry, you are as stupid as you are ugly. Last time I checked, you were getting your ass handed to you at Unforgiven by the Deadman. You got the nerve, you got the nerve to come out here and call me out? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. You've had a Batista beatdown coming for a long-ass time. And tonight, you're gonna get it. You want a match? You're on.

Batista

I grew up a pretty poor kid in Washington, DC. Getting in fights all the time, had to fight my way out of a lot of bad situations. And WWE, same thing. Been in fights A to Z. Street fights, cage matches, you name it. Been there, done that. But this past Sunday, I did something, I accomplished something I thought I might never do. I beat The Undertaker. I, the rivalry between The Undertaker and myself, it's, it's been a war. He's won one, I've won one, we got two draws, in my book, that makes us even. Which is perfect for tonight, since we are tag team partners. So this is what I wanna say. We're not, we have not settled our differences by any means. But Undertaker, tonight, I've got your back and my question is, I'm wondering if you've got my back. 'Cause if you don't [The Undertaker's gong goes off and The Undertaker appears]

The Undertaker

You can rest assured, I got your back. Because you still have the one thing that I want.

Batista

Are you saying you want a rematch? Done. You've got it. [drops the microphone and prepares to leave the ring]

Undertaker

Batista. Hell in a Cell!

Referees don't do that.

Michael Cole

Well, when you're a McMahon, you can do whatever you want to do, right?

Oh, that's a good point.

Now Teddy, this is far enough. Stop. Good evening, and happy new year! Welcome to the first Friday Night SmackDown! of 2008. I just want to set the record straight, that if Batista or Undertaker so much lays a finger on your World Heavyweight Champion, their chances of regaining a championship will go up in smoke. Now, I've been consulting with the love of my life, and in the spirit of competition, I've decided to make a beat the clock challenge. Now, tonight's winner of the beat the clock challenge will go one on one with your World Champion at the Royal Rumble. Now among the participants tonight will be the man who loves to fight, Finlay, Rey Mysterio, Batista, and The Undertaker. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere pleasure to introduce to you, a man of extraordinary credentials, a keen sense of fairness, and oratory skills that are par excellence, please help me welcome, SmackDown!s new color commentator, Jonathan Coachman! [Jonathan Coachman's music hits]

Michael Cole

Well Jonathan Coachman, formerly of Monday Night Raw, apparently joining me here in the announce booth on Friday Night SmackDown!. [Jonathan Coachman shakes Vickie's hand] My former broadcast colleague, John "Bradshaw" Layfield, returning to the ring, made his first in-ring appearance on, in appearance in an arena on Raw this past Monday night, involved in a, in a rivalry with Chris Jericho, so Bradshaw's gone, and now joined here by Jonathan Coachman. [Coachman runs to the announce table] Welcome aboard. [Coachman stands on the table and waves to the crowd]

Triple H

So let me get this straight now...at Unforgiven, it's gonna be the Championship Scramble where, 5 men are gonna get in the ring to try to capture the WWE championship; it'll be myself, MVP...

Triple H

Shelton Benjamin...

Triple H

Brian Kendrick...

Triple H

...no no no no, not just any Brian Kendrick, THE Brian Kendrick...

Triple H

...and the enigma Jeff Hardy. [the crowd cheers] Now here's the trick - they can get in the ring and they don't have to beat me to become champion; they can beat any one of them, and the last one to catch a fall, in the 20 minutes, walks out the WWE champion, now...those odds don't favor me very much, they practically guarantee that the title will change hands. But I just wanna let these guys know one thing before you all go out and start celebrating, buying yourself a Rolex or a, a fancy new sports car to celebrate your big win of becoming WWE champion, here's the thing you gotta understand, guys: the fifth guy in that ring...the fifth guy in that ring is a 12-time champion. [the crowd cheers] The fifth guy in that ring has been in every match that the WWE has to offer, and has come out on top! The fifth guy is known for a very good reason as the Game. He is also known as the King of Kings, and trust me, there is only one-

Jim Ross

Wow. What the...

Tazz

It's Kenny Dykstra, what...

Jim

Kenny Dykstra interrupting the WWE champion, somewhat disrespectful - extremely disrespectfully, for a fact-

So I'm not even considered for the Championship Scramble? Really?! I'm sick and tired of people not taking me serious around here. My name is Kenny Dykstra, and-

Jim

Oh, oh...and this is a Pedigree -

Tazz

Oh, God!

Jim

- from the WWE champion!

Triple H

Good to see ya, Kenny. [drops the mic and leaves the ring]

Tazz

Well, I tell ya, I give Kenny Dykstra a lot of credit for coming out here and getting right in the face of the WWE champion, but...that Pedigree was nasty!

Jim

Well, Dykstra's got a world of talent and abilities, but I can't say so much for his timing!

Jeff Hardy

Um, you know it's been a weird, a really weird time for me lately. I kinda feel broken, kinda feel, you know, left alone. I kinda felt like doing bad things to bad people but something doesn't feel right. Matt Hardy is my brother. I mean, we made it here to the WWE together. We've won championships together, we've lost championships together. I mean come on, a big brother's someone you're supposed to be able to look up to, he's supposed to be a role model. He's supposed to have your back. And evidently with Matt, that's not the case. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but whatever it is, it's messed up. At the Royal Rumble, I mean it used to remind me of good times, I mean when we were kids we watched it every year. But now all it reminds me of is betrayal. All it reminds me of is a chair shot to the head and a broken dream. Matt whatever's going on inside your head man, you should know better than anybody how I roll man and I'm the type of person that moves on. I don't live in the past and I refuse to. So what I'm gonna do is move on, and I'm moving on to this Sunday, come the Elimination Chamber, and I will become the WWE Champion for the second time whether Matt Hardy likes it or not!

Well Jeff, congratulations on your victory, it now appears that you have all the momentum heading into your championship opportunity this Sunday at Judgment Day.

Jeff Hardy

Edge is a creature of habit. If you watched him over the last, uh, few months, you'll notice he wins a title on a pay-per-view. A month later, he loses the title. He wins a title, he loses the title. It's a pattern. [to the fans] You're the greatest! [crowd cheers] At Backlash, Edge won the title again. At Judgment Day, he will lose again. Josh, it won't be just for me. It's gonna be for each and every one of these people who supported me through thick and thin, always believed in what I stand for, and that's being me, Jeff Hardy!

CM Punk

Are you proud of yourself Jeff? I could have been seriously injured last week. And you got a lot of nerve faking an eye injury, leaving me in the ring to fend for myself, especially considering you're the one who injured my eye in the first place. As far as what you said earlier about me making the whole thing up, coming out here with your cute eye patch mocking me, I wanna show you something Jeff. This is Polymixin B Sulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day. The only way you obtain this is with a prescription. From a doctor. Now, I know, you know a thing or two about prescription medication. What I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some. Unlike you Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you wanna imitate me, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living a straight edge lifestyle? Jeff, you've got two strikes. You how many I have? Zero. Jeff you know how many times I've been suspended? Zero. You know how many times I've been to a rehab facility? That's right. Zero. And do you know what your chances are of beating me at Night of Champions? Zero.

CM Punk

I've, I've come out here tonight to challenge you. Challenge you, the WWE universe, into seeing things my way. And to learn how to just say no. See, because the people who cheer for Jeff Hardy are just slaves to the vices associated with his "living in the moment". I feel bad for you, I really do. You, you walk around almost blind, and you wear your prescriptions proudly on your sleeve, like they were badges of honor. And what was it the doctor told you? Just take one every four hours right? Aside from myself, there's not a person in this arena who hasn't abused prescription medication or taken a recreational drug. And I know, trust me, it's hard being straight edge, it's hard to live a straight edge lifestyle. It's extremely difficult to be me. But what concerns me now is that none of you realize how much more difficult it is to live the life that you all live. I'm positive nobody in here takes into account the long-term consequences of alcohol on your liver. See and you cheer that, that's nothing to cheer. You drink because it's fun, right? Eventually it's not gonna be fun anymore when it spirals out of control and it's no longer, it's no longer fun. Sooner or later, you're just drinking to feel normal. And then there's the smokers. You know, I don't know what's more disgusting is watching a smoker pollute his or her lungs with over 4,000 foreign chemicals, or having to listen to the smoker convince themselves that they can quit whenever they want to. It's, it's hard to quit, I know it takes a very strong person to quit. But an even stronger person never would have started smoking in the first place. [crowd chants "Hardy"] I didn't wanna come out here and be the bearer of bad news, but let's face facts. Chances are pretty slim that any of you here will ever get the monkey off your back. You'll never be able to pry the cigarette from your lips. Or find the self-control to pour your drink from your glass. Or the self-respect to take the pill out of your mouth. See, it starts and it can't happen without learning how to say no to temptation, and that's why I'm out here. I'm out here to challenge you before it's too late. Please, learn how to say no to temptation. Learn how to say no to your vices. Learn how to control yourselves. [Jeff Hardy's music hits and Jeff Hardy comes out]

Jeff Hardy

You got a lot of nerve, Punk. A lot of nerve. I mean you think you're so right, but what you don't know about people can fill a book man. I mean, you're so stuck with yourself it's like, you forgot what it's like to be human. People make mistakes and those people can change.

Punk

No, Jeff. People, these people say they can change. You know what? I'm not, I'm not going to enable you right now. In fact, I don't even wanna be in the same ring as you right now. I'm gonna do what I always do, what you should have done a long time ago. I'm gonna just say no.

Jeff Hardy

First of all, I'm sorry if I let anybody down. I'm sorry that now you'll be seeing CM Punk instead of me on SmackDown. But it's been one hell of a ride, hasn't it? I just want to thank all of you and I wanna let you know that this is not goodbye forever. This is only goodbye for now. And if the time is right, I'm sure I'll see you in the future. Thank you all. Hey but at least Matt's back on my side, there's still a Hardy on this show! Yours truly, Jeff Hardy. Ours truly, this life.

Theodore Long

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I must inform you, that over the Memorial Day weekend, The Undertaker was found by his brother Kane, in a vegetative state. There is an ongoing investigation looking into who, or what, was responsible for this brutal, heinous attack.