Open the coffin. [The Undertaker's druids open the casket, revealing it's empty] In all likelihood, the most feared, dreaded, respected force in the history of the WWE, The Undertaker, [crowd cheers] my brother, will no longer walk amongst us. Gone are the endless nights when The Undertaker would strike fear into the hearts of those in his presence. Gone is the face of darkness, his brilliance EXTINGUISHED by an act of cowardice. Gone is the specter that was beloved and admired by millions of creatures around the world. Gone from the WWE is its most iconic figure. And gone forever are the bonds of brotherhood. My brother will rise from the dead no more. Gone is The Undertaker. But soon enough, those responsible for this atrocity will too be gone. They will be committed to the depths of hell. To a torturous existence that they cannot fathom! I will personally prosecute and persecute ANYONE who had anything to do with this tragedy! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE, COLD, CUNNING, CRUEL! There will be vengeance never before seen or felt! Vengeance never before imagined! There will be a vengeance SWIFT, DECISIVE, AND TERRIBLE! YES! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE!
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, one week after he suffered a broken nose in a match with Rey Mysterio. Cody's back is turned to the camera the entire time]
Cody, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you about the injury you sustained last week.
Go ahead.
Could you...turn and face the camera? It's a live interview.
No, no-no! We're not shooting my face, Todd, not even you; not...not my face. After what Rey Mysterio did to my face, I may never be able to...show myself in public, ever again. [the crowd cheers] And I have it...I have it on good authority that Rey Mysterio didn't even wanna win that match, he wasn't concerned with winning that match, why else would he have kept his knee brace exposed? He wanted to...to bash my face in. And he succeeded! Because not only do I have a deviated septum and a broken nose...but I'm going to require extensive reconstructive surgery. Doctors have told me that...I am not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. [the crowd cheers again] So, not only...not only has Rey Mysterio shattered my face...he shattered my dreams of headlining WrestleMania. I don't understand...why would anyone wanna do that to my face? I, I am - I was - the most handsome man in the world; my looks...my looks defined me, I made my living off of my looks, and now...I can't even stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I read something the other day that was...very true for me right now, and it said that "it's not who we are on the inside but what we do that defines us." Well, Todd, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna - am I gonna keep standing? Am I gonna stand up? Am I gonna keep swinging, am I gonna keep fighting? Because Rey Mysterio doesn't decide my life, I DO!! Coming into the arena today, a little kid yelled at me and said, that I wasn't "dashing" anymore because of my face. Wanna know the worst part?...he's right. That's enough.
All right. Thank you very much, Cody.
[confronting Theodore Long] I'm the most dominant talent on this program. I'm the big fish! I'm your meal ticket. So what I'm gonna need you to do, is I'm going to need you to take me out of this Elimination Chamber match and put me in a match for the World Heavyweight Title tonight with Daniel Bryan. [crowd boos]
And if I don't?
So you're trying me now? Give these people what they want, you hear 'em. Give me what I want. Give me what I deserve.
Let me tell you something right now. [repeatedly pokes his finger into Henry's chest] I don't know who you think you are. You understand? But I'm gonna give you half your wish! First, I'm taking you out of the Elimination Chamber, and second, there will be no World Title match for you tonight! Ya got that? [crowd boos]
You don't get it, do you? You're replaceable. Just like John Laurinaitis was on Raw. You have got to do the right thing. I'm not asking you. I'm demanding. [flips Long's tie in his face]
Slow your role, playa. Now, I'm gonna tell you something. You see what you just did? It's gonna cost ya. I'm the general manager of SmackDown, and you just put your hands on me. So as of this moment, you are indefinitely suspended! [crowd cheers. Henry turns to leave, but then stops and grabs Long's tie]
If I'm gonna get suspended, then I might as well get my money's worth up out you.
You like that, don't you?! I can't hear you! You like that, right?! You like it when somebody makes fun of their boss! Since I'm the general manager of Raw and SmackDown, I've been tough but fair! I've sometimes been generous. I've been benevolent. But you don't get it, do you? I work hard for you, the WWE Universe, and it seems like the harder I work, the more you like the crap all over me! Now, I'm not gonna blame John Cena and CM Punk for their actions. I'm gonna blame each and every one of you. You support what they do! You support what they say! It's your fault! I detest each and every one of you! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU! And if this is my last night on SmackDown, I want all you inmates to remember the last thing I say: you can all go to hell!
Now, the Monday before Over the Limit, I was fired. Now, a lot of you people know what that's like, but I've never been fired before. So, like most of you, I wasn't too proud to beg for my job. But, see, the difference between me and those of you that have been fired, you don't love what you do. It's just a job. I love what I do. I'm a 7-foot 440-pound giant that loves dominating people. Now, when I lost my dream job, I didn't know what to do. I had no visible means of supporting my family. I became very despondent. I couldn't speak. I couldn't eat. I could barely breathe. I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by all my so-called friends in and out of the ring. I felt betrayed by each and every one of you. Not one of you! [audience boos] Oh, yeah. Not one of you. Not one of the superstars in the locker room. Not one member of our production or technical crew came to my defense. After all the years and all the things I've done, that's what I get? [hears "You sold out!" chants] I sold out. Is that it? I did not sell out. No, I did not sell out. After everything that I had done for you people, this is the thanks I get. I realized, at that very moment, I realized I have no friends. I realized that I am alone in this world. And then... then, I got the call. Let me ask you. When you're drowning, do you really care where the lifeline comes from? [hears "Cena" chants] So, I made a deal. If I help John Laurinaitis defeat John Cena, I got my life back. I got a new contract and a big fat bonus. All Laurinaitis had to do was, at some point during the match, escape from John Cena and it was set. I would drag Laurinaitis back to the ring like I wanted revenge. It was just a ruse for John Cena. When I threw Laurinaitis to Cena, I knew exactly what was going to happen next. With one punch, I knocked John Cena out cold. Then, I watched Laurinaitis pin John Cena for the 1-2-3. And at No Way Out, I'm gonna do it again. You see, I understand now. You people... you people really never cared about me. Never. Well, now, I damn sure don't care about you.
Look, I have no reason to lie about whether I punched Vince McMahon in the face last Monday on Raw on purpose or not. I have no reason to lie. If I came out here and said, "I did it on purpose," no idea, I might get fired but I would still get paid millions of dollars to stay at home and do nothing. So because I don't have to lie, I'm gonna tell you all the truth. Even... even when I was in WCW, I never really was allowed to reach my fullest potential because I was never allowed to outshine the so-called faces of the company. You know Hulk Hogan, Sting, Ric Flair, whatever. When the chance came and I finally became a free agent, everyone gave me advice. Everyone says, "You've got to go to WWE. You've got to talk to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon can make you the biggest star in entertainment both literally and figuratively." So, I came to the WWE. I talked to Vince McMahon. So, I talked to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon says to me, he says, [mimicking Vince McMahon] "You know, you gotta.. you gotta be a... a better businessman. You got... you got to learn to let people care about you. You got to let people in. You know, you got to learn to put on a show. Matter of fact, your name's no longer Paul Wight, your name's the Big Show." Great name. So, for 14 years, I did it Vince McMahon's way, and meanwhile, guys like John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Sheamus, they all rose to the top and I'm sitting on the sidelines. Supposed to be happy about being some kind of "special attraction"? Me, on the sidelines. I even tried it Cena's way. For ten years, I smiled, I cracked jokes, I ran to the ring slapping high-fives with the WWE Universe. I am proud that I am not John Cena. So, I think in the steel cage match, I think I'm gonna make up for lost time. I think I'm finally gonna show the world what I'm truly capable of and the best part is, I am not burdened with what you people think anymore. Yes, boo me, 'cause, unlike what I did to Vince McMahon, what I do to John Cena will be extremely deliberate. It will be calculated. It will be uncomfortable. I may be a sellout to you but this Sunday, I will make John Cena suffer. For 14 years I've been in the WWE, you know, I'm looking at this Sunday, I'm looking at No Way Out, the steel cage match this Sunday, I'm looking as my first match and I will be victorious, I guarantee it.
She never said this will be easy. "They will lie to you," she said. "They will try to denounce you," she said. "They will try to steal your gift," and she was right. Sister Abigail always spoke the truth, and so do I. So when I tell you that I knew this day would come, I am not telling you a lie! And on this day, in this moment in time right now, this very second, I can truly say that I have [holds high the newly-won WWE Championship] the whole damn world in my hands.
Now, too much power, that can be a very, very scary thing. Not for me, of course, but for all of you. So I say unto you, open your ears, and I will sing you a beautiful melody. Open your eyes, and I will show you the wonders of this world! Walk by my side, and I will lead you to paradise! Stand in my way, and you will burn in the fire.
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you all to the Era of Wyatt!
Welcome to Friday Night SmackDown on Fox. I'm The Game, Triple H, and I would like to personally welcome you to the WWE Performance Center. This 30,000 square foot amazing state-of-the-art facility with its seven rings and its world-class strength and conditioning and medical is designed to bring you the WWE superstars of the future. This is the athletic hub of the WWE. On any given day, there are a hundred athletes from all over the world training here, putting their heart and soul into everything they do, with the ultimate goal being the ultimate privilege of performing for you. Everybody from Sasha Banks, Bayley, Asuka, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, Baron Corbin, they have all walked through these doors. And tonight, they will return to the Performance Center. Not to train, but to do what they have been trained to do better than anyone else on this planet, and that is entertain you. Now, this show will be different from anything you have ever seen before. So, sit back, relax, and if you can, forget about the world around you, and let WWE do what we do, let us put a smile on your face. Welcome to Friday Night SmackDown on Fox.
How about that, hmm? The Undertaker's final match. It just happened to be 30 years after his first match. But you guys know why they call it a boneyard match? Huh? Because that's exactly what the Undertaker is: an old bag of bones. The Undertaker's just a shell of what he used to be. I mean, he's supposed to have some storied 30-year career. Wow. Do you know how many of those years the Undertaker spent kissing the ass of a certain family? Do you know there actually used to be a club around here called the "Kiss My Ass" club? And the Undertaker, well, he was the founding member. I mean, really, a 30-year career. Nobody does that. It's impossible. Unless, unless, unless, unless you're coddled and protected by the owners. It's exactly what he was. Protected for 30 years. Undertaker, you've been stealing money from this company for the last 20 years. And you know what else, I think you're a selfish son-of-a-bitch because you've been holding superior athletes, like myself, down for a very, very long time. And now, now I gotta stand around and I gotta hear all these Hall of Famers and these legends pay their respects to the Undertaker. Matter of fact, then, all these fools come out to the stage and they chant, "Thank you, Taker." You know what? Taker, I don't thank you. Oh, don't start with that stupid chant! [audience chants "Thank you, Taker."] No, no, no, it's very simple. Matter of fact, Mark Calaway, I wanna leave you with one final thought...you suck!
Ladies and gentlemen, no single individual can come out here and hold this show hostage or cause the kind of chaos we just witnessed. Make no mistake, Brock Lesnar's actions were completely unacceptable, completely irresponsible. And not just the property damage, he endangered our crew, he endangered our officials, he endangered his fellow superstars, and worst of all, Brock Lesnar endangered the WWE Universe, and that cannot happen. I cannot allow that to happen, not on my watch. Therefore, I have the unfortunate duty to inform all of you that due to his actions tonight, I am indefinitely suspending Brock Lesnar.
Brock Lesnar's actions last week were disgusting, reprehensible, and, if I'm being honest, an act of total cowardice. How dare he lay his hands on the heart of his corporate engine. I give every piece of myself to this company and I will not...I will not be disrespected. That cannot, will not happen again. I called Mr. Lesnar earlier today and I informed him over the telephone that due to his actions, in addition to his suspension, I'm hereby fining him the sum of $1 million. Thank you.
Chicago, you see, I said this before, and I thought I made it very clear. I don't like it when my cousins lose. You know that, right, Jey? But we're family, and we can get through anything because we're blood. [Turns to Paul Heyman] But you... you're not my blood. And you should know better than anybody that I can't have people disrespecting me, because if you disrespect me, you disrespect our entire family. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions that I thought I already asked and I figured I knew the answers to already, but...can I trust you, wise man? I took a week off, and it's like... I didn't see nothing, but I know everything that happens around here, and last week, you seemed a little shady to me. So let's get this straight. I wanna know this. Did you know Brock was gonna return at SummerSlam? Did you know Brock was gonna be at Madison Square Garden? Did you know Brock's suspension was gonna be lifted? [hears "You screwed up!" chants] Oh, you're damn right he screwed up.
This is the most important question. Are you a special counsel, or are you an advocate? [As the crowd chants "Advocate," Paul motions for a mic] Now, before you say anything, I want you to acknowledge me with the truth. Why are you protecting Brock Lesnar from me?
[trembling] My Tribal Chief, I'm not protecting Brock Lesnar from you. [Looks up to the sky] Help me. I'm protecting you from Brock Lesnar.
[slowly embracing Paul] I love you, wise man.
I love you too, my Tribal Chief.
And I thank you for your honesty, and I thank you for 40 years of service to my family.
I love you, my Tribal Chief.
And you're fired.
Sami Zayn [throwing a fit after losing the Intercontinental Championship] It should've been mine! That championship is mine! What are you following me for, huh? Why are you following me?! You like following me with your little cameras when I'm humiliated. Is that it? Is that it? You wanna follow me when I'm down just like Johnny Knoxville? Following me everywhere. Following me on Instagram and stalking me in my comments. Following me every week to Smackdown. I got an idea, Knoxville! You wanna follow me so bad? Why don't you follow me to Dallas and I will see you at WrestleMania!
Grand Rapids...acknowledge me! You see, tonight's special. Tonight is a special night because you're not only acknowledging your Tribal Chief. No, no, no, tonight, you acknowledge my cousins, the Usos. Which means tonight, you acknowledge the Bloodline! Wise man.
Yes, my Tribal Chief.
Tell them why.
[taking the mic] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single biggest night in the history of tag team wrestling. You see, what we have on the Island of Relevancy is the moment of truth tonight. Roman Reigns is the GOAT, undisputed, the Greatest of All Time. You can take your Bruno Sammartinos, you can take your Hulk Hogans, you can take your Stone Cold Steve Austins, you can take your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnsons, you can take your Brock Lesnars, you can take your John Cenas. You can stack them all up, and that's what would happen if they stepped into the ring at the same time with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns. They would be stacked up and smashed and pinned by the undisputed GOAT, the Greatest of All Time, Roman Reigns.
And while you sit there with your insecure cheers, here's something you have to acknowledge. Each and every single night of his life, Roman Reigns defends the position of being the greatest of all time. Because that's what it takes to be the Tribal Chief on the Island of Relevancy. So what, what does it take for the Usos to be the greatest tag team of all time? And I say that with a lot of nervousness in my voice because I stand in the ring with the descendants, the direct descendants of Afa and Sika. So to claim "greatest tag team of all time" would be pretty disrespectful if you don't do something that not even Afa and Sika, the Wild Samoans, ever accomplished. What is that accomplishment? Unifying the tag team titles! Don't just be the longest-reigning SmackDown Tag Team Champions of all time, be the only tag team ever, ever to be SmackDown Tag Team Champions and Raw Tag Team Champions at the very same time. And to do so, the Usos have to defeat Randy Orton and Riddle, RK-Bro.
Let's give credit where credit's due. This is the best tag team in SmackDown against the best tag team on Raw, perhaps the best tag team in the history of Monday Night Raw. But the Usos have to earn their spot. They have to be relevant, they can't be yesterday's news, and it's not enough to just be the cousins of the Tribal Chief. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Usos will come home the Undisputed Tag Team Champions, or they won't come home to the Island of Relevancy at all. Tonight, the Usos will beat RK-Bro! Tonight, the Usos will become the greatest tag team of all time! Tonight, the Usos will be the undisputed tag team champions of the world! And that's not just a prediction. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a spoiler.
Usos! Twins, you know what I want, and I expect you to deliver. The only reason I have these expectations is because I love you.
What is going on here?! I'm so over this! Max, what were you thinking?
Do NOT call me that name again. I gave you and them gold and y'all turned into trash! You think I'm just gonna hang out here and be something I'm not? Nah, nah! What I'm not: Max. What I am, who I am: LA Knight, yeah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE SmackDown! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.